Am I allowed to be upset here?

A good balanced reply. 👍

It sounds like the friendship wasn’t a priority for you for a long time. It sounds like you only saw each other socially. Then you didn’t eat out of 9 months due to pregnancy so of course that sent her the message of how true the friendship was…. A friendship of convenience. No shame in that, maybe your life paths will cross again and you can pick up.

I do t think it’s anything be be upset about. Just accept your part in it.

If you're upset, you're upset. You don't need anybody's permission to be upset about something.

I'd everyone voted YABU would you just stop being upset?

If she's never been pregnant or given birth then it's not really surprising that she doesn't understand the sickness or recovery period. You don't properly understand all the things you haven't experienced. That's just how life works.

No-one outside of your family really cares when your baby's birthday is.

If the friendship isn't working for you then let it drop, she seems happy enough to let it go. There doesn't need to be an unreasonable one and a victim. You're just in different places now, it happens.

I'd you wanted to, you would.
You would have met up with her for a cup of tea, even if you couldn't eat. You would also have replied to her sooner.

The same applies for her, if she really wanted to be friends she would look past all of that and be proactive to build the friendship.

Neither of you are really working at it.

But YABU to expect her to remember your DDs birthday. That is pretty bonkers. I barely remember my nephews birthday and have to check which day it is in my phone when we get close to the month.

I don't know any of my friends children's birthdays, nor would they expect me to. I am friends with them, not their child.

Some people just have no real understanding of what life is like for others. I'd fade her out and move on with friends who "get you".

It’s all a bit petty.

Does she have kids? It does sound like she doesn't.

It's not unreasonable to have no interest in babies and children and to distance yourself from new mothers when you have nothing in common - many new mothers are understandably living in a baby "bubble" and are not great companions unless you have kids the same age.

She didn't message me to even wish my DD happy birthday.
YABU
that's something for parents and grand- parents, you can send a quick message if you see it on FB, but people don't really care, or have to!

You are definitely unreasonable in expecting anyone outside the family to remember your DC’s birthday.

As for the rest, not enough information. I can see from her point of view, she tried to do things with you while you were pregnant, you always said no (it would be very rare for a woman to feel so sick for the whole pregnancy that she wouldn’t go out at all even for a cup of tea or a walk in the park, so she probably isn’t sure whether to believe you or not) and then it took you three months to reply to her message congratulating you on your baby’s birth. I understand how that could happen, but someone who hasn’t had children, or had easy deliveries, might well not understand that.

All in all, she may be feeling as hurt and upset as you are. If you want to maintain the friendship, make more of an effort now by proposing meeting up or calling for a chat and see what happens. Or else just let the friendship slide naturally. It may come back again at a point in your lives when you are both less busy.