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Should I take my stuff or is that mean/spiteful?

44 replies

Altnaia1961ia · 03/06/2025 11:52

I've recently split from my partner of 9 years. I ended up moving to a smaller place - no children involved.
All the stuff in the house was mine as he had moved to the UK from abroad e.g sofas, white goods etc.
At first things were amicable & I thought I'd leave some stuff but now I hear he's been entertaining multiple women in the house I feel a bit hurt and disgusted that he's moved on so quickly when I'm grieving badly (he put me through years of emotional abuse, gaslighting etc & destroyed my confidence).
I still have a key. Would it be awful of me to reclaim my major bits as otherwise I'll have to stretch myself financially buying more. He earns x 2 more than me but I feel heartless leaving him with an almost empty house (he will still have a bed). I know it sounds spiteful of me but somehow I childishly want him to suffer like I am. Am I a terrible person?

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 03/06/2025 12:25

You need to harden up OP because you’ve been a mug believing in shit like it was amicable and kind to be taken advantage of.
He’s moved on easily which should alleviate any guilt that you unreasonably feel.
Plus he earns more than you - he could just nip to IKEA and replace stuff easily or even use it as a way to hook more victims. 🙄 I bet he’s not even as emotionally attached to the stuff as you are. He’ll be fine

Threecraws · 03/06/2025 12:24

So if your main reason for doing it is because you are annoyed he is having loads of women round, then yes that is spiteful but not necessarily undeserved. But put that thought away and consider your finances and how he has contributed while you were living together and male a reasonable judgement based on that.

randomchap · 03/06/2025 12:24

Do you have proof that it's yours?

Do you have a right to that key? Did he buy you out of the property? If so all keys should have been handed back.

If he decides to go to the police, will you be able to prove you acted lawfully?

Think carefully as it could come back to bite you

MounjaroMounjaro · 03/06/2025 12:24

You absolutely should take everything. Take everything that belongs to you. Do you really think he wouldn't do that himself?

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 03/06/2025 12:22

Take everything that is yours, down to the lightbulbs and screws! Hell even hide a trout under the floorboards if it would make you feel better, fuck him!

Monstersfromtheid · 03/06/2025 12:21

Go get your stuff! Can you take someone sturdy with you?

MattCauthon · 03/06/2025 12:19

You're not married, you've left, and he earns plenty of money .... of COURSE you should take your stuff. I'ts not clear to me why you even feel bad about it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/06/2025 12:15

And if there is nothing that be could do to get you back (eg come and pick up your car)

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/06/2025 12:15

Take the stuff if you can get it safely and he doesn't know where you live.

jljlj · 03/06/2025 12:14

Take your stuff. He'll have to deal with his own life.

Waterweight · 03/06/2025 12:12

Not sure why you left it in the first place if he earns more & was abusive for years ....

CuriousKangaroo · 03/06/2025 11:58

Regardless of other women, you should take everything that’s yours. Because it’s yours.

mbosnz · 03/06/2025 11:58

Get your stuff and leave him to it. You don't owe him anything.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/06/2025 11:57

Get your stuff back!

Itsseweasy · 03/06/2025 11:56

Seriously?! Take everything you bought! Why wouldn’t you?!

babystarsandmoon · 03/06/2025 11:55

Take what’s yours.

Francestein · 03/06/2025 11:54

Get your stuff when you know he’s at work. Would be funny if he bought someone home and there was no furniture

Darragon · 03/06/2025 11:53

Of course not. It's your stuff. There was no reason to leave it there. Why do you feel bad about taking the bed when he obviously doesn't feel bad that you've got no furniture?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 03/06/2025 11:53

Girl just take your things and block him, he doesn't sound hard up for money xx

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