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Original poster

Registering baby’s birth

40 replies

serena1988 · 03/06/2025 10:44

My baby is now 3 weeks old and we have the birth registration appointment today. The relationship has been steadily going downhill for a while now due to partner’s demands which I won’t go into detail but basically we had a massive argument this morning and said we are separating. This has happened many times but eventually things cool down and we go back to being ok, until he starts the argument again. I am not sure what will happen with us to be honest, at the moment I am totally done with it but also very dependant on him and the lifestyle we have, not to mention I want my kids to have a present father. We have another child together who has his surname an he his on the birth certificate.
I don’t know what to do about today’s appointment, do I add him as the father? Do I use his surname so both children have the same surname? What would be best for the children?
Thank you

OP posts:
Stirabout · 03/06/2025 11:37

He needs to attend the appointment as you are not married if you are going to put his name on the birth certificate.
You can use either surname or a double barrelled surname jf you wish.
I have a friend whose first child has her fathers surname and for the second they double barrelled it. It hasn’t caused any confusion or upset.
Ultimately if he’s not there, it’s your choice entirely.

ARichtGoodDram · 03/06/2025 11:36

You can still give the baby the same surname as your other child if you wish, regardless if he's there or not.

He's also very mistaken if he thinks not being on the birth certificate will mean he doesn't have to pay maintenance.

It's very common for abuse to begin, or significantly ramp up, when a woman is pregnant or has a newborn. Please do speak to Women's Aid or the likes if you need help to safely rid yourself of this man.

Needmorelego · 03/06/2025 11:32

You can put whatever surname you want and he can't stop you if he isn't there.
In fact it would be better for him not to go.
You get 100% choice on your baby's name.
He won't be listed as father but as said above that doesn't stop you claiming financial support from him.
If his brain starts working again he can be added as father later on.

Stressedoutforever · 03/06/2025 11:32

serena1988 · 03/06/2025 11:30

He said he didn’t want to be in the birth certificate or for the baby to have his name. We are not married and the appointment is in a couple of hours and he is hiding in the garden house. I guess I will have to go and ask him to move his butt and come to the appointment?

Show quote history

Well I'd be inclined to say fine and go to the appointment, he can fix it later on if he doesn't realise what he's done
You can still claim cms without him on the certificate

Original poster
serena1988 · 03/06/2025 11:30

Mrsttcno1 · 03/06/2025 11:24

But what does any of this have to do with the birth certificate? He is the father.

Show quote history

He said he didn’t want to be in the birth certificate or for the baby to have his name. We are not married and the appointment is in a couple of hours and he is hiding in the garden house. I guess I will have to go and ask him to move his butt and come to the appointment?

OP posts:
MCCN · 03/06/2025 11:30

Cross post with 2 others!

MCCN · 03/06/2025 11:28

Assume you're not married as you say DP and you're in the UK? In which case you can't add an unmarried father's details unless he's present at the appointment. Register a birth: Who can register a birth - GOV.UK

You can, however, give your DC any surname you like - his, yours, whatever you fancy - whether he's there or not.

Maybe postpone today's appointment until you've had a proper think about what to do?

Register a birth

Find out how to register a birth - who can register, birth certificates

https://www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 03/06/2025 11:28

If you aren't married, he can't go down as the father unless he's physically with you for the appointment.

Needmorelego · 03/06/2025 11:26

Are you married?
If not he has to be at the appointment to register.
You can put whatever surname you want (ie the one you and your other child have) but if he wants to be listed under "father" he has to be there.
If you're married he doesn't have to be there and you can put his name down on his behalf.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/06/2025 11:24

serena1988 · 03/06/2025 11:21

Yes this is not my drama is his. I woke up today and had to put up with his moods and verbal abuse and demands again when I am in the throes of raising a newborn and exclusively breastfeeding all night long (while he goes to another room to have a good night sleep). What I mean by this is that he said today, possibly out of anger, or not, ‘I don’t want to be in his birth certificate and have to pay for him too. You can have the kids and move out’
However, I agree with previous posters, I would like me children to have the same surname.

Show quote history

But what does any of this have to do with the birth certificate? He is the father.

PinkCatsOrange · 03/06/2025 11:22

It's a fact he's the father so yes, he should be registered. I'd only ever consider not including a father if I thought he was a genuine threat to the baby, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

I really hope things improve soon though OP, it sounds like a stressful situation.

Original poster
serena1988 · 03/06/2025 11:21

Mrsttcno1 · 03/06/2025 10:53

Stop involving your child in your drama. He is the dad.

Yes this is not my drama is his. I woke up today and had to put up with his moods and verbal abuse and demands again when I am in the throes of raising a newborn and exclusively breastfeeding all night long (while he goes to another room to have a good night sleep). What I mean by this is that he said today, possibly out of anger, or not, ‘I don’t want to be in his birth certificate and have to pay for him too. You can have the kids and move out’
However, I agree with previous posters, I would like me children to have the same surname.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 03/06/2025 10:53

Stop involving your child in your drama. He is the dad.

BeliesBelief · 03/06/2025 10:50

If this was your first child together and he’d walked out / was refusing to be involved then leaving him off the birth certificate might be an option worth considering, but that’s not the situation you’re in. He’s in your life and your children’s lives forever whether you like it or not.

You chose to give your first child their father’s surname, so you need to do the same for the second. It would be extremely weird for two full siblings to have different surnames - how awkward will that be for them to explain growing up?

Readytohealnow · 03/06/2025 10:46

Yes. Register him the same as his sibling. They were made and born in the same circumstances. Whatever is going on with the two of you, they come first.