Registering baby’s birth

Tbh that's what I would do. But then I've always been if he opinion that if a man wants the child to have his surname then he should marry the mother

Mind you when mine the were born the fathers didn't have PR unless they were married to the mother. It was very helpful when my DDs dad was an arse as I held all the legal rights. It changed in 2003 a week after my DS was born Shame they changed it really

Agree as @ARichtGoodDram has suggested what might he do if you don’t do as he wishes

At the moment
If you want both kids to have the same name, that’s not what he wants
If you give dc2 your name, as that’s what he wants, will he then agree to change dc1s name.

You need to put this to him, when he calms down.

@serena1988 Have you got people around that you can confide it?

Somewhere you can go if he kicks off?

According to OP he’s not interested. So I doubt he would object but yes, I agree there’s more to it than OP just filling out a form herpartner would need to agree too in order to make the process ‘easy’

I wouldn’t want my kids to carry the surname of a person who treats me like that, who’d want that constant reminder

Its tradition that seems to make some women feel that the kids get the dads name
Women carry them and give birth and it looks like OP will be doing most of the caring after too. So why can’t she have her surname for both……in these circumstances I would. Each to their own.

He's an abusive man. He's highly unlikely to easily allow the Op to change the child's name regardless of his interest. That's how men like him work.

It quite probable that at some point, if the OP does register their new baby without him, that he'll use that to attack her with. No matter what she does he'll use it to be abusive because that's what they do.

It's not about what I would do or what you would wish to do do it's about understanding that she's dealing with an abusive prick who is unlikely to make anything easy, and quite likely to use anything to attack.

I would have gone today, but as you've now rescheduled, the main thing is to make sure there's no further delays. However much he pisses about.

Is he still hiding in the shed OP ?
Why not tell him the ‘potential’ plan and ask him

According to OP he’s not interested. So I doubt he would object but yes, I agree there’s more to it than OP just filling out a form herpartner would need to agree too in order to make the process ‘easy’

I wouldn’t want my kids to carry the surname of a person who treats me like that, who’d want that constant reminder

Its tradition that seems to make some women feel that the kids get the dads name
Women carry them and give birth and it looks like OP will be doing most of the caring after too. So why can’t she have her surname for both……in these circumstances I would. Each to their own.

Why put his surname down, you can easily change your first child’s name. Then you three are all the same. Why not!

she can't easily change her first child's surname when she's dealing with an abusive man who has PR - she'd need his permission to change it.

At most court would allow her, if he doesn't agree to an change, to double barrel the names

Agree all this crap about kids always having to have the fathers surname is all so sexist it really bugs me.

I agree with this.
Why put his surname down, you can easily change your first child’s name. Then you three are all the same. Why not!

You can give your baby any surname.

If he pulls this shit again before the rescheduled appointment, which wouldn't surprise me because clearly the point of today was for you to beg and plead with him to pleeeeeease, pleeeeease come and let you give baby his name, FGS just go ahead and register them under your own name and without details of father.

I would either:

Give the baby my surname and change siblings surname so it’s the same.
or
Double barrel baby’s surname (with yours first).

But really the only option for me is the first.

If they are not married, he would need to attend the appointment with her. She can't put him on the birth certificate without him being there.

If she wants this child to have her surname, she should do that. She has just given birth and he sounds completely unsupportive.

I second this.

OP's partner sounds abusive. I would be making plans to get out as soon as possible. None of you need this. He is an asshole for putting you through this, especially now that you have a new born.

He is a pathetic excuse for a man, a father and partner.

I can’t use his surname either is that right?

You can give your baby any surname you want - yours, his, double barrelled, or even an entirely random choice.

It's entirely up to you.

Ask him to sign the paperwork for the first child even and have them both use your name.

It's crazy to me that you'd even consider giving them his name in this situation.

Use your surname! It's not at all weird and if you want to explain it to anyone or the children say it was fair that each of you got to use your surnames and it was always the plan. Make it a feminist stance rather than just give a child a name of the man who didn't even want them to have it.

If he disappears off the face of the earth tomorrow you can then just change your first DC to have your name too.

At the very least do both surnames and just quietly drop his later if you need to.

Nope, you can register the baby with any last name you want.

You need to figure out what you're doing here (hopefully working towards leaving). I think it's better if he doesn't go down as the father today - he can be added later if desired but you can't get him off again easily if you add him today. Last names can be changed pretty easily. Personally, I'd register the baby with your surname and with father blank today, start working on a plan to GTFO, and change the older DC's name to yours later.

@serena1988 you CAN use his surname.
You can use any name you want.