Saying no a playdate

Since when?

The number of people imagining things that the OP hasn't said is depressing.

Reported to the school - that is what op meant by appropriate channels if you read the thread

Nothing seems to have improved since then

What a good thing the OP has reported this family through the correct channels, then.

The Op is a SW. thankfully this is BS

SO concerned about the home environment of this child that doesn’t want her own child to ever be alone in property and never eve under the care of the child’s parents.

And yet… nah, I won’t report to police, nor SS referral (SW my arse) and I’ll mention to school but seem singularly disinterested in fact that nothing seems to have improved since I mentioned.

Nope, everyone saw that. But reported her concerns to who? OP only mentioned doing that after everyone pointed out it was really off for a social worker not act to help a child that was clearly being neglected. She has a duty to report it to her bosses but she clearly hasn't done that because she's more concerned about her kid's playdate.

@MeridianB I am really confused as to why so many people on this thread have such poor reading comprehension but here we are...

Read the OP's post of 14.54. She had reported her concerns appropriately.

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I would not facilitate a friendship between my dd (who is the same age) and a child I thought was being neglected. I say this as someone who came from a household like you describe and had childhood friends who were similar or worse off.
If you are trying your best to provide a loving, stable home for and relationship with your own child, do not take away from that by exposing them to neglectful parents unnecessarily even just through their child. Because it does come through the child, in their behaviour, the way they talk, the way they see the world even in the way they play.
I know it’s not the child’s fault and a lot of people will say that’s unfair and that you should provide a safe space for them etc, but as a social worker, you have the ability to actually do something to change the child’s situation rather than just invite them to your house every now and then.
My daughter is friends with two very small girls (4 and 5) who are regularly in the playground with a minder. They were neglected and taken away from their parents by ss. I don’t mind them playing together because they are so small and I’m right there watching and I talk to her on the way home sometimes about it to sound her out but that’s as far as I would be happy with it going and I would not arrange play dates or anything like that. I realise this sounds harsh but here are some of the things I experienced through childhood friendships with children from neglectful/ abusive backgrounds: stories about physical and sexual abuse, both direct and witnessed by them, they then made me promise to keep this secret, seeing children act out and demonstrate abuse (like with Barbie and Ken dolls), explicit language and information about drug use/ paraphernalia that no child should know, behaviours that they had learned from parents like manipulation and aggression.
My heart goes out to any child who is neglected or abused but my own child is my priority. I would find another way to help the little girl than encouraging a friendship with my own child in this situation. The two girls my lo is friendly with are lovely kids, very cute but they have some very strange behaviour around food for example resulting from neglect which is very difficult to explain to my daughter.
As a rule of thumb, if I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting down for a cup of tea with someone, or having reciprocal play dates and if I don’t trust them generally, I would not be facilitating my child being friends with theirs ie arranging for them to come to my house.

So this poor child is neglected to the point of smelling and lives in a house frequently full of drug-smoking random adults.

I'm really confused about why you think it's OK for this little girl to be left living like this.

I hope your suspicions are correct. Otherwise it's pretty shocking that a social worker of 20 years' standing would be more concerned about her kid's playdate than pursuing a welfare check of a child who is showing clear signs of neglect.

I’m question her professional judgement on the information provided

yep.

The op does all the pick ups and drop offs

Indeed

in any event, I’m just hoping that my suspicions the Op definitely isn’t a social worker, means that there’s no “professional” about the scenario

@Youbutterbelieve How about when the parent drops off to you/ does the handover to you, you say something like “you’re welcome to stay if you wanted to? I’m very happy to have her alone but I personally never leave mine so I won’t be offended if you wanted to stay!” You’ve then sewn the seed and either she won’t reciprocate with a play date because she won’t want you there, or it won’t look rude if you say you want to stay with your DD.

Her professional judgement is questionable though in this case.

I'd go with your LO not being good at other people's houses, if you have to. but the chances seem slim.

You don't need an excuse. Of course your dc can't go to this horrible house.

Of course it will be, but questioning @Youbutterbelieve‘s professional judgement on the basis of limited information and no real knowledge of social work is unfair. Particularly when she’s asked about a personal dilemma.

When my 5 year old was invited over to his friends for tea I was completely honest with his friends Mum and said I’m an anxious parent and that I don’t do drop off play dates until they are older.
The other Mum probably thinks I’m a bit nuts but we arranged a picnic tea out all together instead.
Ive got older children and they’ve never gone over for a play date unless they have been long term family friends at that sort of age, In the beginning I used to feel embarrassed that I am a worrier but now I don’t care 😂
I could not think of anything worse than allowing them to go and be sat there worrying the entire time.
My 11 year old goes out to tea etc and brings friends home but at that age they can verbalise if somethings wrong and leave and walk home.
i would just say thanks for the invitation but you think your daughter is a little young for you not to there but you’re happy to have their daughter over to yours, meet out as they get on so well and play nicely together.

I don’t “know” anything

what the op has written is that this child is dropped off at a property stinking of cannabis every time she drops her off

combined with all the adults coming and going the op has observed, the absence of any kind of supervision and the very evident neglect…. I think fairly reasonable to presume that behind closed doors its even more rotten

You don’t know anything is being dealt or grown on the property. It’s not unusual to have lots of coming and going from a house where there’s cannabis use without anything else happening.

It’s an interesting world many mumsnetters live in, where every single concern is acted upon when reported, and acted on immediately. Unless there are life threatening concerns, safeguarding processes take time. Time to engage the family, explore concerns, agree different interventions - rarely does anything change quickly, the process needs to take its course.

Could people at least RTFT? From the OP's post at 14.55
"Because the safeguarding concerns were the primary issue and I have reported those in the appropriate ways."

Honestly, it is usual a non issue in the scheme of things, however along with the other obvious signs of neglectful parenting it is a problem, same as day drinking alcohol and neglecting your DC.
Definitely worth reporting.
I'm surprised as a SW you haven't reported this for family intervention, support and guidance for the little girl's wellbeing and hygiene.

Think about it

it is excessive
lots of people coming and going
it is likely being dealt from the property
if not grown in the property

meanwhile the op waves off a 6 year old in to a fog of cannabis smoke

Dear god what a sheltered life you must lead, thank goodness you’ve got that high horse to ride around on

Yep.

and because she isn’t “legally required” to report the excessive cannabis smoking…. She has not intention of doing so