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Original poster

Friend has a new bloke and has dropped off the face of the earth

60 replies

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 08:32

I have a friend who literally lives round the corner. She’s in her mid 60s and since I’ve known her has been mostly single since her last divorce to an abuser. I’ve been there, it’s not pretty. She was desperate for a man so went on another dating app and found a local guy who by all accounts seems to be decent. First date was Easter Monday. Since then she’s barely been in touch, not even gone for a dog walk. I went out for lunch with her Good Friday and invited her to ours for Easter Sunday lunch as her grown up kids were all away together. Seems like she was just using me as she was lonely. I’ve been trying to make an effort and contact her but she hasn’t suggested meeting up. I’ve been spreading my wings socially and it’s been nice to be honest. I’m torn between feeling pleased she’s got a nice bloke, worried in case she’s in another co-dependent relationship (I saw him driving them in her car yesterday while I was driving to work), and a bit hurt and pissed off that she’s done a Beverly Craven on me.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 03/06/2025 09:28

She's not dropped off the face of the earth. It's only been a couple of months, after being single for a long time by the sounds of it, so let her have some fun being swept up in the first flush. Never heard of Beverley Craven, but I'd stick to being pleased for your friend and not reading anything in to him driving her car. Enjoy the summer with your other friends and see how things go.

GroovyChick87 · 03/06/2025 09:19

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 09:00

@GroovyChick87 she’s the sort of person who is not very self aware and I just know she’d be defensive. But in an ideal world that’s what I’d do too

I would just have to make my feelings known about it. Try to arrange something specific with her and see what she says. After that I'd let her get on with it.

Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 09:00

@GroovyChick87 she’s the sort of person who is not very self aware and I just know she’d be defensive. But in an ideal world that’s what I’d do too

OP posts:
Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 08:59

True @cramptramp In the meantime I’m busy doing stuff with other friends and it’s been really nice. She knows where I am. My sister is in her mid 70s and after she was widowed she had a nice group of friends. She met someone before lockdown and never sees the friends now. Just pisses me off seeing women putting men at the centre of their world.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 08:55

I’m not either actually. If you’d read my post you’d have seen I was driving to work yesterday. I’m in my mid 50s and getting married in September to my lovely long term partner. When we got together I still made time for my friends as it’s healthy. I am actually concerned as she has co-dependency issues but I always supported her with writing profiles online to help her attract the right kind of guy. It is hurtful to just be dropped. She’s been along to a lot of my family events but she’s never reciprocated with an invite to her family things.

OP posts:
cramptramp · 03/06/2025 08:49

It’s her decision. It annoys me if friends do this too, but there is nothing you can do.

Thatfirstcoff · 03/06/2025 08:37

I am guessing you’re single? And retired?

GroovyChick87 · 03/06/2025 08:37

I've had this happen with a friend. I would talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. I think it's common when you get into a new relationship and get wrapped up in it but you still need to keep other connections alive.

Thatfirstcoff · 03/06/2025 08:37

You are worried she’s in a co dependent relationship because you saw him driving her car?

Thatfirstcoff · 03/06/2025 08:35

Oh she’s in the first flush of a new relationship after years alone

just let her be and to enjoy this time

she will come back when all calms down, but fgs let her have this without getting in an arse with her

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