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Original poster

Friend has a new bloke and has dropped off the face of the earth

60 replies

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 08:32

I have a friend who literally lives round the corner. She’s in her mid 60s and since I’ve known her has been mostly single since her last divorce to an abuser. I’ve been there, it’s not pretty. She was desperate for a man so went on another dating app and found a local guy who by all accounts seems to be decent. First date was Easter Monday. Since then she’s barely been in touch, not even gone for a dog walk. I went out for lunch with her Good Friday and invited her to ours for Easter Sunday lunch as her grown up kids were all away together. Seems like she was just using me as she was lonely. I’ve been trying to make an effort and contact her but she hasn’t suggested meeting up. I’ve been spreading my wings socially and it’s been nice to be honest. I’m torn between feeling pleased she’s got a nice bloke, worried in case she’s in another co-dependent relationship (I saw him driving them in her car yesterday while I was driving to work), and a bit hurt and pissed off that she’s done a Beverly Craven on me.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 03/06/2025 15:26

I get where you are coming from and it’s not nice to feel dispensable or sidelined.

BUT it’s only been a month since Easter. I couldn’t be annoyed with a friend for not finding time to see me since Good Friday.

I think this is an overreaction which is more about you and inclination towards feelings of rejection.

Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 15:17

Gettingbysomehow · 03/06/2025 15:06

I have a friend like that too. She was so a good friend all the time she was single, since she found this bloke I've been dropped like a stone - nice.

A lot of them about @Gettingbysomehow 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 15:14

Gundogday · 03/06/2025 14:58

You’re right to be concerned. I’m guess you’re worried he’s controlling and keeping her from her friends. She may not even realise this was the case.

Just keep extending invites for coffee, and then leave the ball in her court. Let her know you there fur her.

@Gundogday I am pretty much LC now as I’ve made all the overtures. I guess we’re not all the same. What she does is different to me. I’ve had bitter experience of being isolated from friends and family which is why I value them but have to face facts she may not feel the same and was just marking time until she met a bloke. It happens. Or as you say he may be coming on so strong he’s not giving her time to meet her friends. She said she wanted to take it slow but from Day 2 she’s apparently seen him every day

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 03/06/2025 15:06

I have a friend like that too. She was so a good friend all the time she was single, since she found this bloke I've been dropped like a stone - nice.

Gundogday · 03/06/2025 14:58

You’re right to be concerned. I’m guess you’re worried he’s controlling and keeping her from her friends. She may not even realise this was the case.

Just keep extending invites for coffee, and then leave the ball in her court. Let her know you there fur her.

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 14:52

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skymagentatwo · 03/06/2025 13:37

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 12:35

@skymagentatwo I guess you’ve never experienced this? Thanks for your valuable insight. So you come on here to be supportive or just snarky? Nice one

Well if your so sure of yourself, why don't you email your friend a link to this post of yours on MN and lets see how she feels about you posting about her?

Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 12:35

@skymagentatwo I guess you’ve never experienced this? Thanks for your valuable insight. So you come on here to be supportive or just snarky? Nice one

OP posts:
Allaboutmememe · 03/06/2025 12:31

Leave her to it op she having fun making up for lost time.

skymagentatwo · 03/06/2025 12:18

Ah well at least she has met some one who is not bitching about her on SM/MN unlike her old friend.

yakkity · 03/06/2025 12:07

Thatfirstcoff · 03/06/2025 08:37

I am guessing you’re single? And retired?

Why would you have thought this?

Toucanfusingforme · 03/06/2025 12:00

Totally not the point, but I had that Beverly Craven album on cassette and loved it. Woman to woman is a great song.

Dangermoo · 03/06/2025 11:57

Been there. Helped a friend after a bereavement, introduced her to new friends, invited her out to places, listened and supported her. As soon as she met a new bloke, she was engaged within 6 months and wed within the year. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. She rarely ever sees her own family now. I am very LC with her now. Once bitten..

Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 11:54

@CharlotteLightandDark is a bit immature yep. Not seen many of the other threads as quite new here but is a sad fact of life.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 11:52

@GreenCandleWax I’ve been set aside. I’ve sent her messages about dog walking or catching up as it’s been ages and she replies yep it has. The only question she asked me recently was where do we get our firestick from as she’s cancelling Sky 🤣 gotta laugh really. Oh and she’s posted on the dog Mum WhatsApp this morning about voting for her in something.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 11:49

@ViciousCurrentBun sad, isn’t it? I consider my DH to be in everything and likewise and we’re a great partnership but we both have outside interests and it’s healthy. Having been through the horror of an abusive controlling marriage I was keen to be in an interdependent relationship

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 03/06/2025 11:46

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 08:55

I’m not either actually. If you’d read my post you’d have seen I was driving to work yesterday. I’m in my mid 50s and getting married in September to my lovely long term partner. When we got together I still made time for my friends as it’s healthy. I am actually concerned as she has co-dependency issues but I always supported her with writing profiles online to help her attract the right kind of guy. It is hurtful to just be dropped. She’s been along to a lot of my family events but she’s never reciprocated with an invite to her family things.

I am not sure you have been dropped. She is in the first flush of a new relationship, but Easter was only just over a month ago - when you last saw her. If it had been four months or more, maybe. Can't you just pop round and see her? Do you message her and suggest a coffee?

Renabrook · 03/06/2025 11:44

So it is ok for her to dissapear till she needs help the op helps her then she disappears again for the next bloke and so it continues and this is healthy?

CharlotteLightandDark · 03/06/2025 11:35

I think it’s pathetic when people do this and probably a big part of the reason there are so many threads on here from posters saying they don’t have any friends.

not sure what you can do about it though, other than concentrate on other friendships. If she gets in touch I’d probably let her know it’s not cool.

Original poster
ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 11:29

@pinkdelight She sang another song about “every time you get a new boyfriend we don’t see you for weeks on end “ basically until it all goes wrong and they need you again. Until the next time 😂

OP posts:
cramptramp · 03/06/2025 10:25

ForTealBird · 03/06/2025 08:59

True @cramptramp In the meantime I’m busy doing stuff with other friends and it’s been really nice. She knows where I am. My sister is in her mid 70s and after she was widowed she had a nice group of friends. She met someone before lockdown and never sees the friends now. Just pisses me off seeing women putting men at the centre of their world.

It used to piss me off when it all went wrong and then they’d be back wanting to use me for a social life.

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/06/2025 09:56

My sister was widowed in her early sixties and remarried. She has pretty much ignored everyone for 3 years now and has upset a lot of us. We used to chat once a week, now it’s every 3 months. He has been very unwell over the last 3 months and she is caring for him. Eggs in one basket is always daft. My younger relative put it succinctly, when he dies she will be back.

I think it’s fine to put your partner at the centre of your world but it’s not fine to drop all your friends.

pinkdelight · 03/06/2025 09:46

TheSlantedOwl · 03/06/2025 09:35

Beverly Craven wrote a song about her best friend dropping her for a new man.

OP it sounds saddening but leave her to it.

Ah okay, thanks for explaining, that one's passed me by.

TheSlantedOwl · 03/06/2025 09:35

Beverly Craven wrote a song about her best friend dropping her for a new man.

OP it sounds saddening but leave her to it.

pinkdelight · 03/06/2025 09:31

Just looked up BC and see she did that Promise Me song, don't really get it - you mean she's being Beverley Craven singing that to you so you'll wait for her? I think it's a bit over-dramatic, as is the co-dependency fear and the putting men at the centre of her life etc. It's just an early relationship thing. If it goes on indefinitely, that's a different matter and fair enough to be cheesed off with her, but Easter really wasn't that long ago.

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