Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

Are people so narcissistic that they need to control the conversation others have at their wedding! If it was my wedding and an aunt or cousin mentioned my sisters pregnancy I’d say I know! How lovely! How can you be jealous of family member being pregnant and people taking about it? I didn’t realise weddings were about being the centre of attention for the whole day!

Get the bar to put your lemonade in a gin glass with some fruit. Nobody will notice.

I would keep quiet. Seen so many stories on here about people stealing the thunder at weddings.

also ignore people who say you need to wait until 12 weeks. Announce after the wedding to close family as if something does go wrong you will need their support.

I’ve lost babies and wanted close people to know to congratulate me and then support after loss

That’s so bizarre to me, I couldn’t act so fake around my family

Sorry to quote you, as plenty are saying similar, but why on earth would anyone notice or care what someone else was drinking?

Me either especially my sister, Jesus it would make me feel happier! Don’t understand it at all

Just keep quiet and pretend to sip away at ‘Prosecco’. It won’t be difficult, just you and hubby get the drinks and even if it’a a soft drink you can say it’s vodka, rum etc.

Why do you assume it is done to bring attention on her?

OP says I know how excited they are going to be!

I suppose they might go back to their own homes and be giddy with excitement by themselves, but usually it's a shared excitement (as it should be).

OP wants to share her lovely news. Having attention on herself isn't a bad thing - a pregnancy is usually a joyous time. Just wait a couple of weeks.

I agree with waiting, while it's up to you when and how you tell people and you're in no way obligated to wait until the 12 week mark, people may interpret it as spot light stealing and let's be honest, weddings can bring out the worst of family drama.

At the same time I will say that I told a few close friends when I wasn't long pregnant and then had a scare the next day and surprised myself that I regretted telling them - I'd have told them what happened eventually anyway if I'd had a miscarriage (thankfully ds arrived safely) but because they were checking in with me loads it wouldn't have been on my terms when I was ready to talk about it if that makes sense and I ended up having to deal with questions I had no answers for which was really hard even though it was all caring and well intentioned.

I'd drive or claim a dodgy tummy. Or if you feel it will absolutely become an issue I'd speak quietly to the bride and groom and ask what they think you should do. But again they'll probably feel obligated to tell you it's fine to announce so you're kind of putting them in a spot.

I would have already told the family without thinking about the timing of a wedding. We told parents and siblings pretty much as soon as the wee was dry on the test.

Had it been within a fortnight of a sibling's wedding wouldn't have changed anything and I'd have felt the same reversed. If I thought a sibling of mine was deliberately holding onto news they would otherwise share just because it was coming up to my wedding I'd be mortified they thought I was so immature that I wouldn't just be happy for them.

I told some people when I was 7 and 8 weeks pregnant so I do not think it’s weird / risky to tell close family. I didn’t tell everyone (far from it) but the people that mattered. It doesn’t jinx anything and I would be ok talking to all of them about miscarriages too.

Unbelievably crass. It'd be a fair conclusion for bride and groom to think that you did it deliberately to have their guests fawn over you at their wedding. You wouldn't even be 12 weeks. Don't do it. Why would you?

Don't steal their thunder. It's their big life event that should be forefront of everyone's minds. Waiting a few weeks is no big deal. Swanning around all day with a glass of wine that you're not drinking is no hardship. I've done it so many times.

Please dont do this! It'll be all anyone talks about. Please don't!

No one will be watching what you drink if you don't mention it. Always have something in your own glass that looks vaguely fizzy and refuse anyone buying you a drink because your glass will always be full! Wait until after the wedding.

How is telling them now going to take shine off their wedding for goodness sake.

So if OP has a miscarriage before the wedding after rushing to tell everyone? Hardly a joyous family wedding then.

There's a reason people wait 12 weeks and it is for a good reason, the MC risk reduces and any abnormalities can usually be detected (which can't be detected at 8 weeks), where people need to make difficult decision whether to continue a pregnancy, so telling people that early for "celebrating purposes" makes no sense at this stage to be honest, she'd be better off waiting and it being a real time to celebrate after being given the all clear at 12 weeks.

Don't announce. It's early days and it isn't difficult to not drink. If you're honest with yourself you're (justifiably) excited and want an excuse to tell people. Antibiotics, not feeling well, hold a lemonade with a slice in it and say nothing, hold a prosecco and don't drink it. Whatever. People really aren't going to be scrutinising your drinking habits. But let your brother and his wife have this couple of weeks to be their excitement, you've got yours to come.

My ectopic pregnancy isn’t a dirty secret. I think the whole world knows because I had a two night hospital stay, a fortnight off work and had to drop out a girl’s trip abroad. I’m not ashamed of it and talk about it quite often as it’s important people are aware that these things happen.

I still didn’t announce subsequent pregnancies until 12 weeks or beyond because I personally don’t see the point of letting people get excited for something that may not happen. If that’s an unhealthy attitude so be it.

It’s personal preference and I don’t think everyone who chooses to keep early pregnancies to themselves thinks miscarriages and losses are dirty secrets to be hidden away.

@Hoppinggreen I'm sorry to hear about your MC & how much worse your MIL made the whole thing.

im not sure what your point to me is though?

yes MC do happen at 12 weeks plus but the rate drops. Theres just no benefit in announcing sf 8 weeks.

i think antibiotics/driving/just don't want to are better than 'fake drinking', for several reasons. But one being at small family weddings people often buy you a drink without asking. Even when your glass isn't emoty!!

IMO announcing the pregnancy before the wedding is simply wanting to steal the limelight.

Why do you assume it is done to bring attention on her? That presupposes that she deliberately got pregnant and planned it all around her brother's wedding.

What a ridculous thing to say. We can assume it is to bring attention to her because that is the exact reason she wants to tell them 'they will be over the moon', she wants to celebrate with them! Which is absolutely fine, but 'celebrating' a pregnancy before 12 weeks is not the norm at all, for good reason, so her wanting to do it now, rather than 2 weeks after the wedding and after the 12 week scan is pretty obvious she wants to use their wedding as a way to jointly celebrate, but imagine if she tells the family now and has a miscarriage sometime before the wedding.. hardly a celebratory occasion then, there is a reason people wait for 12 weeks before 'celebrating'.

If she was 12 weeks along now it would be different entirely, so I'm not saying she is doing it maliciously, the timing is bad that's all, but it certainly lacks respect for her brother and wife to announce it early to family without talking to them first. Weddings, even small ones, are a huge build up, lots of organising, stress and anxiety, and the day should be about the people celebrating, not someone else sharing big news (too early) to hijack their celebration.

That is why I said she should tell her brother first, because he may be overjoyed and want her to tell people (I would be if it was me, although I'd advise caution), or he may prefer that after all the effort they've put in to the wedding, and the uncertainty about the stage of the pregnancy that she tells people after or at the end of the night, or even let her do an announcement on the day.. it's his big life event so he should really be given the choice.

Congratulations OP 👶 but yes agree with other posters, wait until after the wedding. No one will notice whether you're drinking or not as long as you have a glass of something in your hand 🥂

My opinion still stands. This 2 weeks before the wedding should be just about that if possible. No one wants their sibling stealing their thunder. It's not necessary.

Yes, but not at the wedding! Op clearly means to those who are attending but before the wedding, not on the day!

Yeah just wait. Some people wouldn’t care but others definitely would. Just make sure you have a glass with fizzy water or lime and soda in and if necessary say you’ve got a dodgy tummy. If a few people guess then so what?

I'd wait until afterwards, you are still early. If you choose non-alcoholic versions of drinks (loads of choices these days), nobody will know you aren't drinking.

OP says "so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!"

Right now, ALL the excitement should be for the forthcoming wedding. OP can wait a couple of weeks.

I wonder if OP is coming back.......