Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

I wasn't a "precious idiot" as a bride. But I'd've been pretty pissed off if someone announced something big on the day I'd paid a lot of money for, and which was meant to focus on my husband and myself. I don't think that's precious in the slightest!

All my 4 I didn't tell anyone until my 12 week scan.

This place makes me laugh sometimes.

Everyone is telling the OP to wait so as not to steal their limelight, but if the OP had been a bride who was upset her SIL had announced a pregnancy two weeks before her wedding, she’d have been torn apart and told that she’s a Bridezilla, she’s not the centre of the universe, and to get over herself. 🤣

No ffs anything could happen you are only 8 weeks ! Let your brother have his day and tell them after 12 weeks

I think you should wait until after they come back from honeymoon. You don't want to steal their thunder. Get a glass of wine/ champagne at the wedding. Surely, no one will be watching that closely to see if you or DH drinks it.

I honestly hadn't realised when people talk about not telling anyone until 12 weeks they included their parents and siblings in that

I think many people tell their parents and maybe siblings before 12 weeks, but in this situation many also choose to wait a couple of weeks so their sibling can have their day. I imagine A LOT of family dynamics comes into it - first grandchild? Golden child? Jealousies. Infertility.

Only OP knows whether her brother will take it.

Wait. Nobody will even notice if you are drinking or not. Pretend to sip during the toast.

I agree I'd wait until after the wedding. Not only to not steal the limelight from your brother & his wife to be but also to give your pregnancy time to get properly established.

I don't understand some of these comments at all. "It's before 12 weeks so looks like stealing limelight"? They're family. Her own parents and brother. Many many people tell parents and siblings much earlier than 12 weeks.

I found out I was pregnant the day a grandparent went onto end of life care. They passed when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, funeral at 11 weeks pregnant. As it was I was really unwell with HG, had bleeds and ended up at EPAU getting scanned for potential ectopic.

I knew I couldn't hide it at the funeral because I was so sick, so I told parents and siblings the week before after a private scan showed all OK. I didn't tell them before that as I wanted to let them focus on the dying parent, and I wanted to be sure as possible all going OK as that was the third grandparent lost within a year and I didn't want to add to their losses if anything went wrong.

If you feel comfortable telling your parents tell them, it will be fine. Otherwise you'll be having to wait until a few weeks after the wedding to avoid 'taking the limelight off remembering their special day/honeymoon" or whatever.

Also, I have never been to any wedding ever where the people just talk about the bride and groom all day. That would be like being in a cult. People always use them to catch up with people they haven't seen in a while and they will talk about other people's news whether or not they know the OP is pregnant!

Can’t believe this is even a topic of discussion. Tell who you want. You’re allowed to celebrate your unborn child regardless of whether your brother is getting married in 2 weeks. Are people really that self absorbed they’d get annoyed about something like this?!

I do think there’s many ways around this without taking the shine from your brothers big day. Maybe it depends how much your brother is likely to be bothered by this though as other posters have said?

Each to their own for when they share pregnancy news but I’d never ‘announce’ it this early as it’d such a fragile time (maybe that’s due to my own repeat losses but just seems early). Don’t know why people harp on about 12 weeks either when it’s just a dating scan, 20 is when you get the health information of your baby.

Just pretend you’re drinking or make up another viable excuse (driving, childcare, plans following day, unwell, training for an event, whatever!)
If it was me, I’d ask my partner to get my drinks and I’d make a point of saying - VODKA and lime and soda please(or whatever your tipple) when they asked.

I honestly hadn't realised when people talk about not telling anyone until 12 weeks they included their parents and siblings in that. I had three miscarriages before my first successful pregnancy so I was very cautious indeed about telling most people - I didn't tell anyone at work until I was 20 weeks, I avoided having any photos of me pregnant on social media - but to me I wouldn't any more have not told my very closest family and friends before 12 weeks than I would have kept it secret from DH until that point. Similarly I knew about all of my SIL's pregnancies the next time I saw them after they themselves found out - I would have found it so strange if they hadn't told me because I was getting married soon. Maybe the fact that OP is asking, and is using the word 'announcement' means she's picturing something quite different: I certainly wouldn't be handing out 'grandma to be mugs' at the reception!

It must be exhausting to be part of a family where you have to feed the drama all the time by tiptoeing around other people's preciousness about their special day and creating elaborate subterfuges with secret alcohol-free drinks and lying about UTIs.

I would give them their day. There’s lots of excuses for not drinking. Or stick to nosecco and that way no one knows. For table wine just say it gives u too much of a headache and u want to remember the day without having to deal with a sore head.

I would wait only because you’re very early still.
Im recently married and wouldn’t have an issue with a family member announcing their pregnancy 2 weeks before my wedding. But then I’m a mature adult and married for love rather than attention. Even if people were talking about it, it would just be more reason to share the love.

Yes we did this too. Take the drinks, don’t make excuses not to drink as it highlights it. Pretend to drink. Drink the same as your partner. Pop the drinks down close together but slyly pick up each others drink to make it look like you’re drinking (but it’s just your partner drinking double! 😂)
I would also slyly pour small amounts in the sink, garden etc. depending on where you are. If you find there’s a moment where everyone else has stepped away then get your glass close to empty and such ..

It really depends on whether you think brother and OH are the type to get offended by someone stealing their thunder. Some people like all the attention to be on them, others couldn’t care less and would be graciously happy for you.
If you decide not to tell, just get a glass of something that looks like alcohol. Diet Coke in a tall glass no one can tell if it has vodka in it or not!
Personally for me it would be more about 8-10 weeks still being a tiny bit early for telling people. Don’t most folk wait till 12 weeks anyway?

This. I managed it fine. Always hold a drink in your hand. Confidently. You will unforgiveably turn it into a circus for your brother and sister-in-law otherwise.

Personally i would wait until after i’d be pretty pissed off if my husband to be’s sister/brother and their partner announced her pregnancy so close to my wedding. The lead up to and the day is supposed to be about the bride and groom and a pregnancy announcement could ruin that special time for them.
Tell people you have a urine infection or ear infection or something that requires antibiotics and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself at their wedding so have decided not to drink. You could always order non alcoholic drinks on the sly. I had found out i was pregnant with my second shortly before a close friends dad passed away and i didn’t think it was appropriate to tell people and i was quite a drinker (not an alcoholic though) so people would immediately suspect if i wasn’t drinking so at the wake i told the bartender i was pregnant but nobody knew so when i say i want a gin and lemonade or vodka and coke give me just a lemonade or just a coke instead and that worked for me.

Keep quiet. It is very early, best wait. Congratulations.

Why does it have to be ‘announced’ in the first place? 🙄 Just tell people, like normal people do.

You know your brother best, would he rather know?

If you’re worried about pretending to drink, don’t be. People might twig you are not drinking and suspect but who cares? They won’t be insensitive enough to ask!

Get your husband onside with a plan to ask you what you want to drink and then come back with a lemonade or whatever looks like it. Take an appetiser to pour into your champagne glass subtly. Have a glass of wine at the table that you ‘sip’ from occasionally and then just leave it on the table or have your husband switch with his mostly empty one.

I'd tell family now. Assuming the private scan showed a viable intrauterine pregnancy, there have been no other losses, and you are under 40 then your risk of miscarriage has already fallen from 20-25% to 10%.

Somebody is quite likely to speculate or guess at the wedding and it would inevitably detract attention from the bride and groom.

Same. It's really weird to me to be putting on an act and lying to them in person like that