Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

Wow, I can’t believe some of the responses. How is telling them now going to take shine off their wedding for goodness sake.

I’d tell them now. Their wedding will be about them - two weeks is ample time for everyone to get used to the news and focus on the wedding. Seriously.

It’s annoying how you’re expected to have a drink and that just not wanting one is not a good enough answer which you should be able to say, OP.
A few years ago I was at a relative’s wedding, and her sister was annoying asf pestering me to have a drink, calling me boring etc. Told her I didn’t fancy one and I felt like I wasn’t a normal adult just because I was happy with my coke.

no - you just don't want to have to deal with loads of people asking you how things are and then having to tell loads of people if it goes wrong. You'll get well meaning people trying to give you old baby clothes and stuff, asking how things are going etc. this could happen weeks after too. So just say you tell everyone t 6 weeks, then miscarry at 8, then see someone again at 15 weeks and they ask "Oh how's little bump doing..." and then another person, and another and another

It's definitely easier to tell a few close people eg the father, your mum, sister - then if something goes worng tthey can support you.

I’d put off announcing it until 12 weeks. That way you are not taking the gloss of DB wedding - even if you don’t, some may perceive it as such.

I’d tell a white lie - “sorry, I’m on antibiotics, so no alcohol atm.

This is exactly where white lies are acceptable - to benefit others, not yourself.

While I agree with the sentiment for me it would have been preferable to tell people about my MC when I chose to and also to be able to choose who to tell and who not to
I wasn't ashamed but it was my news to tell, just like being pg

it's not about it being a "dirty secret"

it's about the need for many women for privacy and space to deal with baby loss.

It's about people knowing too early and asking for news, whilst you lost the baby and really don't want to discuss it, or even tell them.

Until you have a miscarriage or a still birth, you do not know how you will react and if you will be wanting to talk about it or not. It's safer for the mother to be cautious, not the people around her. If you prefer people to know, of course go for it.

I don’t drink alcohol, just for the simple reason I don’t like the taste, and in all the social events I’ve been too, 99% of them no one has ever noticed or commented. In the 1% where it’s been noticed and I don’t want to go into a long explanation, I just say I’m driving or get a drink and just don’t drink it. I just don’t get the ‘oh people we’ll see I’m not drinking’ unless you are normally some big drink who knocks back a bottle of wine at social events. Don’t make an issue and people just won’t notice.

You know what, my attitude is that lovely news is lovely news and can’t imagine being someone who thinks why isn’t the attention all on ME on my wedding day. I would be very happy to have good news shared at my wedding-especially as it’s a small close family occasion. But these are the days of brides being totally the centre of everything so my opinion isn’t popular.

Or just wear a big hat that says "I'm pregnant"!

It’s not a dirty secret to have a miscarriage. “Years ago women didn’t reveal until at least 12 weeks” - and? Loads of things we don’t do because we’ve realised they’re unhealthy attitudes.

This! It’s really not hard to just pretend to drink. Nobody is going to be carefully analysing your every move and drink. Making a point of it will just make it obvious.

I'll be honest, I think you should wait. My OH waited until after two friends' weddings were out of the way to propose, because we knew both would have felt like we were trying to detract from their special days! Congratulations, though!

I would wait because of eight weeks being a bit early, not because of 'taking the shine off their day'. I have to say I find all that sort of thing very childish and 'princess for a day'. I don't understand why adults care about that sort of thing. That said, I know that some people get weird about pregnancy, so you are probably best to wait.

I’ve always kept it between a very close few people that early on. I wouldnt be saying anything until after 12 weeks at least. I would say something after the wedding if you want to announce before 12 weeks. Let them have their day.

How awful!! Must have been very scary 😮

I wish this was the norm, it's so much healthier! People should be allowed to drink or not drink without it being a topic for discussion.

I drink very little, and this has always been the case. Yet once I hit my early 30's and was in a ltr if I wasn't drinking at an occasion there would be raised eyebrows and suggestive elbow prods. If I protested that it wasn't unusual for me not to drink it was 'yeah yeah that's what they all say'. Infuriating!!

I'd keep it quiet, and if anyone does comment on it point out they're being bloody rude and if you'd wanted them to know you'd have told them go with the TTC line someone mentioned earlier.

100% wait. I know you're excited but let the next 2 weeks' focus be totally on their upcoming wedding.

Just carry your own glass around with you all the time. Nobody will notice. If you are sit down dining and someone offers to pour a drink just say you're waiting until the evening before drinking. They'll all be preoccupied after a few by then.

Congratulations!

Wait until you’ve had your dating scan

Wait until after the wedding. You don’t need to make excuses, just say you don’t want to drink.

No 12 weeks - after first scan is usual. loads of people are showing at 20 weeks,

Nobody notices you are not drinking, if you don't make a big deal of it. Don't comment anything about it. Sit next to your husband and just swap glasses as another poster mentioned. What people notice is if you go overboard acting all excited about drinking and then not touch your glass or if you make it obvious saying you are on antibiotics.

I would just not comment, take the wine/beer/champagne (whatever your dh is drinking) and put the glass to your mouth to pretend to take a sip once in a while and then discreetly swap with your dh from time to time.

I was 10 weeks at a wedding and not sat with my dh, but had the glass of wine in front of me and just pretended to drink sometimes and even then, nobody noticed.

Presumably they know you're trying for a baby ... so that's the "excuse" for not drinking ,surely?

Even if anyone bothers to mention/question it...

so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding.

Your "so that" doesn't align with your "I want to announce it now".

If you have reason to discreetly let people know you are pregnant then I'm sure you can find a way to do so, and it doesn't have to be an announcement.

Say you'd been earmarked to lead the shot drinking competition then you'd just need to take someone aside and let them know so someone else can take over.

People often need to inform work they are pregnant before making an announcement (those who do heavy lifting or work in labs for example), but they don't need to tell everyone. Let your brother have his moment. Then it'll be your turn. He (and your SIL) will appreciate it.

There are loads of ways not to drink. People might suspect, but let them.

No indeed. I'm not saying it is. Just that trying to hide it can often backfire if that's your intention. Especially if you bring antibiotics into it.

If you do use the antibiotic excuse you have to say you are on metronidazole. Usually prescribed for teeth.

All other antibiotics are actually ok with social drinking and some helpful person will try to tell you this.

One of my friends came really unstuck on this. I’m a doc and I completely couldn’t understand why she wasn’t drinking at a wedding for such a shite reason as antibiotics that don’t react with alcohol . Her husband is also a doctor she isn’t (they met through me) and I told him later that I thought he had woefully underprepared her story with her!!