To feel totally betrayed by my Maid of Honour

Could your MOH be TTC? I’m not excusing her behaviour, but maybe it could explain it slightly.
We spent a year ttc number 2 and I found it all consuming all I could think of and if I got that positive ovulation test honestly couldn’t have cared about much else .

jealousy

Well if she was a worthy friend then she could have confided in the OP who as a good friend would have understood. Instead she chose to be awkward on her wedding day. No excuses for that.

Isn't all of Mumsnet??

She’s clearly having troubles in new relationship given all the bits you added later… the relationship with her children’s partner is obviously broken down so maybe it was too much for her to deal with, you being so blessed in happiness. I hope you’ll be kind to her as I’m sure there’s an explanation

Her behaviour is awful & to have sex in the bridal suite is completely trashy to say the least . I suspect that this is going to eat away at you so I would be upfront & just ask her what happened ?Unless this is the first time she has ever behaved badly with u , I’m wondering why u would even ask her to be your maid of honour in the first place ? She sounds jealous & ever so slightly unhinged .

I personally wouldn’t get past the sex in the honeymoon suite.

I think it’s disgusting. I wouldn’t continue the friendship.

Why did you have her as MOH? Was she different beforehand when you picked her?

Funny how people are quick to comment on the shoes, she had sex in the bridal suit!
YANBU OP.

Enjoy your honeymoon and let her come to you.

I’m sorry your friend has done this. I think she’s behaved appallingly. Leaving your best mate of 20 years’ wedding early and being unavailable throughout the day is really disgraceful.

Whether she was a bridezilla or not there is no excuse at all for having sex in the honeymoon suite.

OP please don’t continue the friendship. What she did is just plain wicked.

congrats though

The OP was more than patient, and it was HER wedding, NOT the MOH's wedding. NO bride wants to be wearing exactly the same thing as their MOH or bridesmaids, so her minor rules on colours is nothing unusual or fussy!

If the bride is paying, then she gets what she wants

What the f?
You think it is normal that adult woman gets payed to be dressed and dolled up in a certain way and she should shut up?
I picked my MOH bcs she was my best friend, not bcs she was willing to go through some kind of idiotic make over so "bride can have her special day".
Cannot imagine even suggesting that if I pay people should do what I say to the ones I love ffs.

Just imagine if a man suggests you should go out with him and he will pay you to dress and put make up and hair he likes.
The whole MN would be RUN 🚩

I think what most people forget this is going to
sound quite controversial but - weddings are about the bride and groom and not everyone actually enjoys them. Sounds like she went along with it but passively aggressively had jiggy but am sure she didn’t actually mean you to find out. She’s annoyed at you for some reason. You do sound quite bridezilla. I asked my maid of honour to wear a particular colour, she wore the opposite. I didn’t care I was just happy she was there. Try to find your sense of humour. She’s most probably not the friend you thought she was but then neither are you most possibly.

I agree. The more I read, the more I think that this new partner is coercive or controlling, which might explain why her behaviour changed before the wedding.
Keep an eye on her.

Exactly what I thought.

I’d talk to her. There’s no harm in sharing what upset you and hearing her side. She may feel under appreciated for the hen or something else, and if she can tell you that, you can then thank her. Likewise it sounds like you feel a little under-appreciated for all the things you did for her and if you can tell her, that gives her a chance to thank you. It sounds like there’s some communication breakdown and freezing her out will unlikely resolve that. Friends are worth a difficult conversation. Especially a best friend. Marriage is wonderful but I do think you still need your friends.

Easy, you get key by saying you are preparing bridal suite surprises for the newly weds .

definitely this was my thought too, especially with the sex thing

I can’t believe all the people saying “so what if she wore the same shoes?” “You’re a bridezilla” - it’s not unreasonable in the slightest to want to wear different shoes. Usually brides pick special shoes for their special day (which they are completely entitled to do) so why would someone go out of their way to choose those exact shoes when the bride has told you you can literally pick any other shoe in the universe (apart from sparkly, which I again is completely reasonable when you have chosen a theme for your special day). She has done that deliberately.
But again, that’s just a small example of her behaviour.
My instinct (and I could be completely wrong) is that something has happened during either the hen do or something similar and she’s pissed off with you. Which I’m not saying is brides fault, or MOH - could be something petty, could be something huge to the MOH. But you know nothing about it and she hasn’t mentioned anything and would rather display petty behaviour to upset your day.

Doesn't sound like a great friend sadly, and you may never truly know what it is but; go on your honeymoon, have an amazing time and put it out your head as much as possible. She’s already tried to spoil parts of your day by acting like a sulking child, don’t let it ruin your honeymoon.

Congratulations by the way 💕

She behaved awfully and honestly I wouldn’t speak with her unless she came to you first . Is it possible her new guy is a bad influence on her ? She comes across as very jealous. The sex thing is honestly 100% rude as hell

How did she end up as MOH? I’d go as far as saying she doesn’t seem to like you. Most of the things weren’t that bad but having sex in your suite and not talking to hubby are completely awful.

Regardless of all that it's still crazy to have sex in the bridal suite.

So sorry to hear this. That's shocking behaviour of anyone, let alone your MOH.
Sounds like jealousy..

I had some minor shenanigans at my wedding but not to this level. That was enough for me to reevaluate our friendship and move on.

Life is too short to waste precious moments with those who don't care. Personally I would let her know, you know, then walk away.

It felt awkward on my wedding day having to repeatedly hunt for my MOH when she was needed for things. It was upsetting when other guests noticed how distant & absent she was,

”my husband was totally upset”

Don’t know about you…. But I certainly didn’t feel “awkward” on my wedding day, I wasn’t having to “repeatedly hunt” for anything or anyone, no thoughtful guest thought it kind to tell me they noticed how my MOH was distant, no “friend” thought telling me that the MOH had shagged in my bridal suite was a good idea and my new husband wasn’t, at any point “totally upset” about anything

So yes personally I do think it sounds a bit of a shit wedding for the OP! @CoffeeCantata

YANBU

She sounds awful, sorry to hear it. It's perfectly fine to say no silver.
I hope you have a wonderful honeymoon, it may be best to let her go as a friend.