It's all I hear from DS since he turned 13.
No.
No.
No.
Come on it's time to get up now, you need to get ready for school.
No.
Come on get dressed or you'll be late.
No.
Please get changed out of your uniform after school to keep it clean.
No.
Please get ready for your club now, it's time to leave soon.
No.
Can you do your homework please.
No.
Time to go up to bed now.
No.
Come on, lights out now.
No.
You haven't eaten any of the vegetables, can you eat some veg.
No.
You need a shower/hair wash, can you shower today please.
No.
I mean, how do you parent this?
DS was completely compliant and obedient and perfectly happy to follow routine requests for the first 12 years of his life.
This is a sudden change since 13.
It's exhausting.
It impacts on the running of family life on a daily basis.
I am spending so long dealing with this behaviour because when he says no I have to then reiterate to him that he NEEDS to do x y or z because if he doesn't then x y or z will or won't happen. Still he says no. Then I immediately get stressed because his refusal to do things blocks the running time of what needs to be done. And it blocks me ftom being able to get on with things I need to do because of the time I then need to spend on managing this defiant behaviour.
Sanctions don't work.
I took his phone away for 5 days and during the time without it he told me he was really enjoying not having his phone and thanked me!
So next time I switched tactic and said right you're not allowed out with your friends for a whole week for constantly refusing what I'm asking you to do and during that week he said he was really enjoying not going out with friends after school and being at home more and thanked me again!
I took the PlayStation away for a week another time and he said he enjoyed it because it made him do other things instead of playing on a screen!
I can't think of any other sanctions.
I've looked at PDA but he never did this until age 13. Surely you can't suddenly develop PDA after 13 years? He never ever defied or opposed me before now.
It's really getting me down and it's affecting our relationship. We've always been so close and loving with each other. We are still close and loving. But his "No no no" to every basic request is really stressful and difficult to deal with and it's upsetting me.
AIBU?
Is this normal teenage behaviour?
I've tried several times leaving him to it and have stopped asking him to do things he needs to do, and it completely backfires. He just doesn't do any of the things he needs to do. This then makes him late for school which in turn makes me late for work and I get spoken to by my boss. Or he doesn't get ready for his club which makes him arrive late and then I get spoken to about it by the club. Or he doesn't go to bed or switch his light off which makes him unmanageable with tiredness the next morning. So dropping the requests and leaving him to get on with things doesn't work because he simply doesn't do them.