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Original poster

AIBU - partner watching CCTV

137 replies

teenagersandalittleone · 03/06/2025 03:59

Backstory - I have 2 teens from previous relationship - 17&14 - neither have time for my partner and we have a 5 year old together.

my partner has previously watched the CCTV of me having a conversation with my son in our garden and said it was evidence I lied to him. This was done without my permission but did prove I lied to him. For context, we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family. Asked him never to do this again.

roll on last night, he watched the cctv from the garden from Sunday night as he said he wanted to check something my 14 year old had done to see if he moved something - he put a taped square on a wall that he uses to throw a rugby ball to as a target. He then uses this to have a loaded conversation with my 14 year old and me that he has moved the target without asking and if he misses will break something. Again, this was watched without permission or asking.

I realises this sounds ridiculous but am I right in thinking that watching cctv without our permission or is being aware is wrong. I have had to tell my kids that they cannot have conversations in the garden as I don’t know if he will listen in. He says that this is because he cannot trust but it seems controlling and he’s setting us all up to fail.

OP posts:
Soal · 03/06/2025 04:38

PearTreeBoat · 03/06/2025 04:05

I mean legally he isn't doing anything wrong. You are all aware that the CCTV is there and recording, and he can watch whatever parts of that he wishes.

The issue here isn't whether he is allowed to watch the CCTV, its the fact that he IS watching it. He is then seemingly using it to either catch you and your kids out or to gaslight you, neither of which is good.

I really would suggest LTB as he seems incredibly controlling and nobody should feel they have to watch what they say or walk round on eggshells in their own home.

She said is it wrong, not is it legal, and it is wrong, as anyone can see.

Lindajonesjustcantlivemylife · 03/06/2025 04:36

He's a nut plain and simple.

Never2many · 03/06/2025 04:34

Another woman putting a man before her kids. FGS.

If he lives there he doesn’t need permission to watch the CCTV - it’s not private footage if it’s in your garden. But your kids hate him and you have them adjusting their behaviour because of him.

Why are you with a man who your existing children can’t stand?

Why did you have another child with this man? - oh wait let me guess, an “unexpected” pregnancy?

FGS OP it your kids first for once in their lives and dum this prick.

Flashahah · 03/06/2025 04:34

He’s not using it for “security”‘he’s using it to control and cause issues.

Get rid of “DH”, he’s awful.

Renabrook · 03/06/2025 04:31

OP be totally honest if we said ''sure sounds fine it is totally normal no idea why you think it is odd'' what would your first instinct be?

do you really think this is normal?

ThatsCute · 03/06/2025 04:30

You have subjected your DC to a man who is recording them in their own home. You have warned your DC not to have conversations in their own garden because they are being monitored. YABU for bringing this man into your DCs’ lives.

NotNowFGS · 03/06/2025 04:23

It seems controlling because it is controlling. I'm not sure what your question is but if it's are me and my children living in an intolerable situation with an unhappy wierdo then the answer is yes. Not sure what you can do about it though. You have already asked him not to it and he won't stop. You say his behaviour impacts the whole family and you have had to ask the DC to be careful about what they say and do in their own home. Sounds like a potentially dangerous situation OP. I'd be considering LTB.

Landlubber2019 · 03/06/2025 04:10

What was the purpose of the CCTV? Unfortunately by it's own presence, recordings may be watched by any person with access. I would be most unhappy with this set up, but it seems that this is just part of a bigger picture which needs addressing in terms of why are you remaining in a relationship with a men who you admit terrifies you and your children.

Notsosure1 · 03/06/2025 04:06

If it’s for security why do you need audible in the garden? Could you switch it off? It sounds like he would just switch it on again though. He must be awful to live with. How terrible you can’t have a conversation in your own garden! Does he need a reminder that coercive control is illegal now?

PearTreeBoat · 03/06/2025 04:05

I mean legally he isn't doing anything wrong. You are all aware that the CCTV is there and recording, and he can watch whatever parts of that he wishes.

The issue here isn't whether he is allowed to watch the CCTV, its the fact that he IS watching it. He is then seemingly using it to either catch you and your kids out or to gaslight you, neither of which is good.

I really would suggest LTB as he seems incredibly controlling and nobody should feel they have to watch what they say or walk round on eggshells in their own home.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/06/2025 04:05

You cannot have your teens terrified to upset a man who has nothing to do with them. Stop tip toeing around him. This is no life for them. The CCTV is the least of your worries.

Merrygoround8 · 03/06/2025 04:02

Yes it’s awful, and please leave this man - why are you together?