AIBU - partner watching CCTV

we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family.

Isn't that alone enough to leave?

You forced your children to live with a man they are not comfortable with who everyone is terrified of upsetting . This man spies on you all and looks for reasons to be angry with you. He gets annoyed about small petty things.

Why are you with him? How would you feel if your children end up with someone like him? What life lessons are you teaching your children by staying with a man like this?

What a diabolical home environment for these children

Put your DC first and get out of this relationship.

If I was your DD I would leave home as soon as possible and never come back. You risk losing all your DC if you don’t get rid of this vile man.

Your poor kids. Why are you subjecting them to this! You need to end the relationship, and get on with it.

Your partner comes over as extremely frightening and actually mentally unwell.

I echo pp that this is no way for children, or yourself OP, to live.

As you say you are terrified of this man please contact Women's Aid for help and support.

Can you get rid of the cameras or switch them off when you are home if they are for security.

WTAF

So he only checked it before because OP lied to him and got caught out. I think I'd have trust issues too if my partner lied so much that I had to go to the lengths of watching my own cctv just to get the truth. I'd like to think my partner wouldn't lie then keep the lie going so long that i had to go through all that performance to get the truth out of them. I think you've set this dynamic up yourself by lying. Your actions caused his suspicion and now you're surprised he doesn't trust you. If you're not happy leave but lying is not going to bring trust into a relationship.

Please don’t allow your children to grow up in a climate of fear and tension, where they learn to tiptoe around someone who could at any minute blow and to modify their behaviour to avoid angering someone. That’s incredibly damaging for children and can have lifelong consequences for them in terms of their mental health, understanding of healthy relationships etc.
Does anyone in your life know what’s happening with your relationship? Have you ever completed the freedom programme?

Maybe you should have taken the fact your kids don't like him before you started a relationship but hey you didn't put them first. Anyhow you lied so don't expect him to believe anything Without seeing now you've made it worse

You need to leave this man. I know it’s hard. I was in a similar position (no watching CCTV, but arguments and treating my son badly, then switching to ignoring him completely) as I had 2 young DC with my partner, but I couldn’t stand by any longer and let him treat my son badly. Once I noticed he was ignoring him, I confronted him, spoke to my son about it and well that was the end of that. I left.

This was 15yrs ago, and I still think about how awful that time was. I still feel guilty I didn’t leave as soon as I noticed there was a problem. Fortunately DS1 and I are still close, him and ex buried the hatchet and even went on a holiday together a few years after and we managed to co-parent the DC well. They are well adjusted happy young adults. I don’t regret leaving one bit, only wish i’d left sooner.

WTF have I just read? You've presumably (as you have a 5yo), had your teens exposed to this control freak for years. You don't sneak into the garden, as in the first incident, for a conversation unless he scares you.
How are you justifying making your DC grow up like this? They'll leave as soon as they can and stay gone if they've any sense. You are failing them.

“For context, we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family.“

He is damaging you and your family - please leave.

You are not safe.

Your partner is spying on your children. It’s actually very very sick.

He sounds really controlling

Call women's aid for advice and leave him

“we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family.”

This is no atmosphere to be living in - your older children have no time for your DP, and you are all tiptoeing around for fear of upsetting him. You are being spied on in your own garden, and you state that your partner is “controlling”. Is this really how you want to bring up your children? In an atmosphere like this, the older ones will leave at the first opportunity and won’t come back. And do you wish to live in a household where you are constantly treading on eggshells for fear of upsetting him? You really need to assess your relationship - this is no way of living, as you seem to be realising.

Your kids dislike him and you've gone on and had another with him. JFC. Instead of dick pandering, put your children first.

Coercive control is an offence. So no it’s not legal at all.

This sounds extremely controlling and downright creepy. You and your dc are not safe op please leave. He might be monitoring other things too, your phone, tracking, internal cameras. This is unlikely to be the only thing. Please leave.

Bloody hell mate. What a number he’s done on you?
You are here asking whether it’s legal or not for him to control you and your children ?
Does not matter one iota whether it’s legal or not, it is totally unacceptable and out of order for him to treat any of you like this.
You absolutely need the wonderful women of mumsnet to support you to get out of this xxxx

On the flip side of the replies so far, whose house is it? You lied to him and your child moved the target area for the basketball. I'd be pretty cross if my child threw a ball where they weren't supposed to and ended up damaging the house, so in order to be proactive I don't think it's unreasonable to have a designated basketball area. Why did your DC move it? Also, what was the lie you told? How truthful are you in your relationship with your DP? It doesn't sound as though your relationship is healthy if you aren't kind, respectful and honest with one another - on both parts (as you did lie to him).

I'm not saying whether he was right or wrong to confront your DC or you about the lying / moving the tape, but if you don't have mutual respect or trust in one another (as you are lying, just as he is frustrated and acting on his anger) why are you together? A healthy relationship is built on strong communication.

“he [my 14 year old] had moved the target without asking”
plus your DP uses CCTV to spy on you all and hold you to account
JFC. I am surprised your teenagers haven’t rebelled.
Join hands with your children and RUN - fast.

He sounds like a dangerous and controlling lunatic.
You need to protect yourself and your kids by getting away from him.

Poor fucking kids. Again. Please put your kids first this isn’t the only thing he does I bet, you say yourself you’re all tiptoeing round him. Just leave.