To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

Yes i bet she doesn't answer her door either and she'll be nc with mil obviously.

There seems to be a recurring theme a op has a set things the decide has to happen with other parenrs now their child is at school, if the other parents do not do what the op has decided the op and other poster's who have also had prior issues (or not) decided the mythical parents who have not go them memo that they are required to do certain things is totally in the wrong

I ask someome thry say no or are busy or whatever i move on i dont come up with cliques or think of them as meanies or treat them like we are all 14 we are all mature grown ups are we not?

Sorry but this is pure paranoia. Small kids can be unkind to one another, for sure. But there's no evidence here that the parents are instigating this as part of some conspiracy.

This "bitchy, cliquey" stuff always comes from mums who are upset that they haven't been able to make friends with the other mums for one reason or another. The harsh reality is that that's how these things go sometimes. You can't force people to be friends with you: friendship is one of those random things which either is there or is not and no one is obliged to be your friend because your kids are at school together.

It's one thing to decide not to bother with them. But you do have an obligation to not pass this paranoid worldview onto your kids.

She’s a mumsnetter!

And this parent might well be on mn at somepoint saying 'oh I'm ill and I've no one to do school drop off as I don't know any of the other parents what can I do shall I keep them off? waaah!'

Kids start school, you network a bit. No need to be bffs, you just get to know the other parents of your kids friends. It can work in everyone's favour not least your children who like to see their friends out of school. Think of them rather than your own social anxiety.

I doubt she feels rude. She may well have decided that avoidance is the best way of dealing with someone who is ignoring her boundaries. She might not feel confident enough to be blunt and say,"I don't want to be friends with you," and I'd imagine most people wouldn't in reality. Or the same about her son.

If she'd been the one to post describing what the OP has but from the receiving end and giving her reasons for it, people wouldn't be calling her rude and saying she should be friends. They'd be telling her to do exactly what she is doing and to make it really obvious that she's avoiding her to get the message across, that there's no harm in saying hello but she doesn't have to be friends with her and that the woman who wasn't taking the hint was rude.

Just because the OP doesn't like the situation doesn't make the other person automatically in the wrong.

And the OP might well find that, if she backs off a bit now, the whole thing settles down and she and the other mum end up talking at some point anyway.

There's lots of reasons why she doesn't have to accept OPs continued requests, as already explained on this thread.

There's nothing to indicate that there's any reason the other mum should decline either though.... The only times I would so persistently turn a playdate down would be if 1)my child said they didn't want the playdate or 2) Possibly if I felt that the friendship wasn't very wholesome. Otherwise I'm not going to gatekeep my kid's friendships and snub a perfectly good opportunity for friendship.

Another mum I know, recently told me about how a different school mum had asked her for coffee. She said she felt a bit guilty about it but she has too much going on at work and trouble seeing her existing friends. It’s not necessarily about you. Some people just have a busy enough social circle.

Again, there's nothing to indicate that this is clique behaviour though.

@Gloriia

No, there's this thing called helping your kids socialise. We don't have to be friends with the parents just smile be polite and show your kids what social skills are.

But this mum is being polite and cordial as far as it goes. She's just not becoming the OP's friend. And she is not obliged to.

Mums have an obligation to teach their kids basic social etiquette, to give them helfpul support and advice in making friends and to facilitate their burgeoning social relationship where they can. It's not their job to do their kids' PR or to use other mums to support their kids' social networks.

Ultimately kids need to learn this from themselves and a mum who tries to engineer friendships with other mums to support her kids' friendships (and then flounces when the other mum doesn't want friendship back) isn't doing much to support that.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but the OP needs to learn to separate out her friendships from her son's.

She's just not that into you.

There was nothing to indicate it was a joke.
Is 'chill' a joke too, or just passive aggressive?

OP cliques do exist I'm afraid and they seem hellbent on their little ones being just as cliquey. There's a bunch of the girls in my dd's year (similar age) and a couple of the girls are really viscious to one of them in particular and that girl seems to be steering clear of the mean girls and often gravitates towards my dd and a couple of her friends. However when I've tried to instigate playdates or even just casual conversation her mum looks at me like I smell bad. Her poor dd is the one who's suffering because she's feeling like she has to play with frankly little bullies because her mum isn't supporting any alternative friendships. Nothing you can really do. No point creating drama. Just know that the kids will choose their own friends eventually whether their parents like it or not. Just keep your nose clean and see if there's anyone else he'd like to have playdates with. It's all you can do.

It was a joke, based on some of the rather unhinged things I've seen on here from parents who seem to see playdates and sleepovers as the devil. Chill.

100% there's a Dad at our school gate that is incredibly rude. I'm not sure if it's just me or he's like that with everyone but how he's behaved with me - I absolutely judge him for it.

Or maybe OP needs to take no for an answer?

@Someofyouwindmeup
Then when she eventually saw her arse she went around telling other mums my house was a mess 🤣
🤭

'There's a weird assumption amongst some that women who just happen to live in the same area, choose the same primary school.and have children born in the same academic year will automatically be friends.'

No, there's this thing called helping your kids socialise. We don't have to be friends with the parents just smile be polite and show your kids what social skills are.

Maybe this boy doesn't want to be friends in which case the rude mum needs to just say actually Tarquin doesn't want to play outside of school thanks though.

I agree with this. My 2nd born is starting school in Sept and I am dreading it. I spent a lot of time cultivating a lovely group of mum friends with my elsest and I straight up cannot be bothered to do it again...

That said I do think she sounds rude, I would just sack her off and ask your DS about other friendships

I get it, OP, I’ve had similar. My son was very keen on another boy in primary. I invited him over, the dad said no as they didn’t really know us and don’t really do play dates. Found out later that they’d had loads of play dates with other people. Spent ages trying to work out why, was it that I was a single parent, was it my son etc etc. Some times you’ll just never know and have to live with the uncertainty and rejection (because it is rejection and it’s hard to explain to your DC).

She's probably one of the mums I read about on here who bans play dates and sleepovers until their kids are 18!

Based on the fact she doesn't want to be friends/friendly with one woman on the school playground who goes out of her way to track her down? And ignores quite obvious "I'm not interested" cues?

I think it's far more likely that she's happy to be friendly generally but for her own reasons just doesn't want to be friends with the OP. And that's fine.

I think you need to just leave it..while the kids might be friends she doesn't want to be interacting with you and it seems like you are beginning to chase after her which is why she is trying to actively avoid you.
There could be many reasons why she doesn't want to interact with you, maybe your child says they are best friends with her child but her child finds your child intimidating. Also some children bring out the worst in each other. There is a girl in my daughter's class this happens with, whenever my daughter plays with her, trouble happens. Even in the classroom if they are paired together it ends in tears, so I try to tell my daughter to stay away from her wherever possible. This isn't saying my child is an angel, but it is just a bad pairing of personalities.
I also find play dates tedious, I know some suggests picking up the child from school to save the mum and make things easier but as I have multiple children this is no help as still have to do the school run then likely to have to collect the child from the playdate, plus you then feel like you have to return the favour so it is a lot of hassle. Then if you do it for one child you have to do it for the other.

I mean this kindly, but there's a useful maxim in these circumstances: never beg for friendship. Another important thing to remember is that just because your kids are friends, you don't have to be. Bearing these two things in mind will help you to take a step back and invest less in this.

There are so many threads on this site from women who feel spurned and upset that a certain mum or group of mums won't be their friend. Invariably leading to long screeds about "bitchy, cliquey school gate mums". Without wanting to sound unkind, 99% of this is in their heads and a result of people expecting too much from school friendships.

You have to reframe it. These people are not your friends. Some of them may become friends in time but there's no obligation to be your friend and that's OK. Mums are people in their own right: some work (hard), some have additional family commitments, some are ill or suffer from anxiety. Some just have their own friends and aren't looking to make a new set of ready made friends with their children's friends' parents. And that's OK.

You'll find life and school much easier if you stop looking for instant friendships through your kids. Let people be who they are, let them make friends with who they like and, as gently as possible, stop hassling them for friendship. I'm pretty sure you will make friends a lot more easily if you chill out a bit.

Ignore her and get on with making other friends. Invite her kid but don’t think of friendship with the mother. At least you aren’t wasting time in a fake friendship.