To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

Perhaps the other parent is thinking 'why won't this woman take the hint?' so maybe she sees her only option to actively ignore.
That doesn't mean she's not a good person.
Why is it her responsibility to accommodate social interaction that she clearly, for whatever reason, doesn't want?

I was just explaining to my DD in the car this morning on way to school, that some people have the attitude that they already have enough friends and that it’s nothing to do with who YOU are as a person, it’s about their wishes for themselves.

The OP has said that this woman has sat and chatted to others so probably has other friends. It’s just for whatever reason she does not want to be friends with the OP.

You don't have to click, its the kids who are friends.

If the kids are still young & you'd be staying for the playdate that can be hard to do if you don't like the other mum.

I think the other mum is rude for ignoring.

You'd think she could say hello or just acknowledge!

There's nothing childish about she doesn't want to be friends with you.
It's matter-of-fact, if anything.
I think it's very clear from the OP's info that this mum isn't interested in a friendship.
If the OP had kept interactions with the mum to the basics needed to facilitate the friendship, then this other mum may be up for a chat over coffee, but it seems she has seen the OP as too full-on, or perhaps she just doesn't like her for whatever reason. It's allowed.
There was a full-on mum in my son's nursery who called at my house every morning to walk together. I stuck it out because I knew they'd be going to different primary schools. I was so relieved when nursery ended.
She seemed so unaware of how disinterested I was in having a friendship with her (my bad, no doubt) but I remained courteous. It was draining.
I imagine this mum is trying to avoid the possibility that she may not be able to shake off the OP.

You don't have to click, its the kids who are friends.

We see it on here all the time a parent who is stuck for childcare or a school pick up as they cba to even try and get to know other parents.

Why are we assuming that this other mum has no friends just because they don't want to be friends with OP?

Sometimes you just don't click with another person. It's not that deep.

One school mum whose dd repeatedly came for play dates at DD’s, without ever once inviting Gdd back, eventually told dd (once she finally asked) that she just couldn’t be bothered with hosting play dates.

Just saying.

I did always say hello so was not rude but there were some Mums I just didn’t want to hang out with at school. So if it had been some Mums asking I wouldn’t have wanted a play date at the park because then it’s me having to hang out with someone I don’t want to. If it’s dropping a child at a house for them to play that’s different because its a quick chat at drop off and pick up. All this be kind all the time, it’s only women that have to do it isn’t it.

I spent enough of my time with colleagues and family who I wouldn’t have chosen to but had to.

You wont ever know the reasons why she is being like this OP, people on here will give the reasons they think (dressed up as fact) based on their own circumstances and personality but you will never actually know so I would just back off.

I agree with others that you don’t need to be friends with your sons friends parents but for sure some parents do need this, we had one Mum who was so OTT at having to know everything about us that it got unnerving, she had very high standards for who her child was friends with and that fine but I am not about to give someone chapter and verse on my entire life just because she is a control freak, she was basically asking our household income at one point.

Also you only need to look at threads on here such as the current one about things you will never let your children do to see that some people are such control freaks they are outright saying that they won’t ever allow their child on a play date or to play with anyone other than siblings or cousins. It’s a sad existence for those kids but it isn’t you or your DC’s problem.

If someone responds with “I’m busy on Saturday” (or whenever) and does not offer up an alternative day then personally I think that is a clear sign they do not want to meet.

If the school mum was up for a play date with the OP she would have readily suggested another day or said “let me see me when I’m free and get back to you”. The fact she was busy on three different occasions says it all.

It’s about reading the room/social cues.

She may be chatty with other mums because they are her friends, and you’re not. Just because you have kids who are mates, she might have all the friends she needs and just not be interested. Nothing personal. Honestly, people can be friends with who they like and it’s nothing to do with you. Just say hi, remain polite and don’t give it another thought.

Do you park horribly on the school run? Instant blacklist for me 😂

This!

Oh I'd never take it personally I'd just feel sorry for their dc.

Interacting with school parents help our dc have friendships outside school which they like.

You click with some and become friends others its a smile and a wave at drop off. People need to stop overthinking it.

I'm genuinely interested... When your kid is asked for a playdate do you actually think that's because the parent likes you. I genuinely couldn't give a shit whether another parent likes me or not. If you want friendly chat I'm up for that. However my invites for playdates are based purely on what I think my dd wants/needs. They don't actually get that much chance to socialise in school so of course I'm going to attempt to facilitate them spending quality time together outside school. It's a vital part of a child's development and wellbeing that they have nice friends and that they're able to independently choose these friends surely?

I do tell people and some, i suspect people like you, take it personally. My child has a social life- just not the one that you think is acceptable. He has it on his terms!

I agree that it's best just to be a decent human, however maybe the other mum is worried that even friendliness will result in more unwanted requests for playdates or a deeper friendship?

She’s asked her two times with months apart. It’s not like she has been badgering her on a weekly basis.

Not taking no for an answer is equally rude though. The other lady is extracting herself from the continued requests.

To be honest for me the conversation has turned too much about friendship.

There's being friendly vs developing a friendship. At my time so far at the school gates, I'm not sure there's a single Mum I will remain friends with after DC moves on to new schools etc. But in this phase of my life - the parents of the children in DC's class are important.

I suppose I view other Mum's a bit like work colleagues. It would simply not be ok to take instant, or unjustified dislikes to people. It would not be acceptable to act in an excluding manner, blank people or actively try to avoid someone (even if they were pursuing you for a meeting and/or you didn't really like them).

In work mostly people are friendly, inclusive, and collaborative and it's much easier and nicer being that way and we have a lovely office culture. There are on occasion the 'difficult people' but you do your best to navigate them.

This is essentially how I approach parents, teachers, extra curricular parents/instructors and anyone else I need to be in association with while I raise my DC.

You can be open, friendly and inclusive without entertaining a friendship.

You can decline a playdate without leaving one Mum sat on the sidelines at a sports event. You can say no to a coffee, and still move with grace and wave/smile and exchange chit chat at the school gate (even if you've declined several times - you can still do this. You can say - I'm very sorry we just don't have the time at weekends and still turn up perfectly friendly and pleasant at the next event).

You can have a group of Mum friends which you do enjoy spending time, and which you may have a WhatsApp group and you can also see a lone Mum stood at the school gates and you can move to include her in the general waiting for the bell chatter.

That's being socially aware vs socially inept. If people can't switch and flex like this in social places then you are socially inept.

I disagree, I think ignoring people is rude. The person doesn’t have to have play dates or be a friend but she shouldn’t be avoiding eye contact and obviously avoiding.

I say that as someone with severe social anxiety and Audhd who really struggles with other people. The other parent isn’t being a good person, in my opinion.

What a reach. 🫣

The other lady hasn't shown 'who she is' any more than OP has.
OP was fine to ask a couple of times.
The other mum was fine to say no.
It's now become awkward, probably due to continued asking.

@Cafeshops Not being funny but not every parent is into playdates. I had surgery and was pestered by a mother over playdates. My weekend with my child is our time, I work and he's at school during the week. I couldn't think of anything worse than going to a playdate. Maybe she doesn't want to explain herself and because you were so insistent and persistent she is removing herself from the situation. I ended up having to avoid the other mother that kept asking me too.