To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

Sometimes, it’s nothing at all to do with you, and might be everything to do with them, especially if, as you say, her kid is quite badly behaved.
We had a similar situation, and I felt really upset about it - but my husband reckoned the mum was actually embarrassed by her own kid - who could be pretty punchy - so kept him on a very tight rein so didn’t socialise with us and didn’t let our kids see each other out of school. Her behaviour really bothered me, i took it personally and can see why you’re upset, but it may be a reflection of something going on with her, rather than anything at all to do with you or your child.

I generally used to invite the child for a playdate, but not the mum specifically. I'd say Lisa (my child) would like Lucy over for a playdate and give a time and date.

The same would happen when my daughter was invited over. I didn't go, I just dropped and picked.

There were some mums that I knew I'd have very little in common with, so it would be uncomfortable spending one on one time with them. There were others that were more my kind of person and I'm still friends with. My kids are in their 20s now.

If it's just for the kids, another thing I did, was make a playdate invitation for and give the child to take home. Maybe you can try that, as she seems to be avoiding you.

She may just think you're not her kind of person and wants to avoid a one to one setting. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or her.

OP, I understand that you feel rejected and hurt. However, you do seem to have come to the conclusion that this person doesn't even want to have even a surface level friendship with you. That realization should be the end of you trying anything with her, even eye contact. You've one your part. Now let it go. It has become the norm these days to claim that people don't have the "bandwidth" for additional relationships even at acquaintance levels. If you are a nice and decent person, then it's their loss and not yours. Move on to people who do respond.

Or if you want to be petty… does dad ever do drop off?

I think it says more about her. She sounds judgmental or jealous and completely lacking in manners. I’m always nice and friendly to everyone, so wouldn’t need to act differently - it is much more difficult to go out of your way to be rude. I would always smile and say hi walking past. Don’t seek her out. Be friendly with other mums, grow your son’s circle elsewhere.
I have encountered people like this. You can’t control other people, only yourself. I always make eye contact and smile. They know deep down it’s them who is unreasonable and you know what? Everyone else will see it too.

I've been there! Walking to nursery every morning with a woman I couldn't stand. Dreading her knock on the door. As I said in a previous post, it was totally draining and I was so hugely relieved when nursery ended.
I stuck it out for the sake of my son. I sometimes think i should have been selfish, because I started dreading the mornings.
If it was primary school I would've put my self-centred head on, to preserve my own sanity.
I'd rather a wee bit of uncivilised friction, which can help cut through superficial bullshit, than blanket kindness, which can cover-up & allow tension & unresolved issues to brew.

I think this is key 'ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco'.

Going forward best to offer to have the child, and tell the mum they're welcome to come if they want. It's a kids playdate, not a coffee with a friend. You're mixing the two up which is super easy to do. I wouldn't invite the child again, or if I did it would be 'happy to have Bobbie for a play date afterschool. I can take him direct, if that works for you could you then pick him up at 6:00?'. If she agrees to that be polite at pick up but don't offer coffee/wine etc. You're facilitating your child's friendships, not yours.

'Relying on other parents at school for childcare or pick ups is something that gets thrown around a lot on here. Most of us have arranged childcare and have contingencies in place if the plans fall through.'

Oh I agree. However knowing a parent well enough to ask if they can collect a child in an emergency is also a good contingency plan to have.

You went over to say hello when she was trying to avoid you. You're being too pushy. Either ignore her for a bit or just nod, wave if you must.

NU to feel sad, VVU to keep pushing.

Yes you can be a bit sad but I think you're giving it too much head space. School playground politics is grim at times. Smile, be polite to everyone else and keep your distance from her.

Children can be friends without their parents being friends though.

Relying on other parents at school for childcare or pick ups is something that gets thrown around a lot on here. Most of us have arranged childcare and have contingencies in place if the plans fall through.

I think this “ why should I!” attitude gets taken way too far these days.

Yes it’s good society has loosened a little - particularly in expectations of women.

But taken too far society just becomes totally uncivilised and self-centred. That might sound like a good idea when you’re on the give side, but it’s pretty bleak on the get. A world of selfishness untrammelled by basic decency isn’t a great outcome for anyone in the long run.

Maybe, I think a play date and a disco doesn’t imply parental friendship but I guess without bearing her side we don’t know how she interpreted it. I still think she sounds rude though, personally.

I think its a rule because in part its true. Many have the same experience, I came across the bitchyness, my sisters always use to moan, some of my friends .. and there's no excuse for rudness I'm afraid.. there's no other way to describe it. You mention it's not wanting to befriend a random bunch of women but no need to be rude about it. There was a couple of mums at primary school who never got involved with play dates or organising anything but always said hello and acted friendly... so looks like being rude.. is just being rude.

Twice is barely ‘repeatedly’

None of us know how the OP has come across when inviting the other mum, though.
It may have seemed to the other mum that OP wanted friendship with her, rather than simply facilitating their sons' friendship.
I know I couldn't be arsed with that.

I think repeatedly asking is also rude.

I would say, no matter how hard we try to rationalise it to ourselves, it still hurts a lot when other people reject us. It hurts slightly less when it’s because these other people don’t want to have any more friends. And it hurts more if these other people reject us when we don’t earn enough or don’t live in the right village.

Yes just move on. I wouldnt keep asking. Some I clicked with some not. I would never be rude though.

OP has asked her twice, two months apart. She is hardly hassling her all the time? Two play dates isn’t really that bad. I think the other woman is rude based upon that personally. If OP had asked loads then I’d get it, but a few times with months between them really isn’t that bad.

In work, people are paid to be there. It's in their interests to make it a pleasant environment.

OP I have a similar nature but have learnt to back off if an invite isn't taken up then I would just drop it.

Like you, I'd struggle not to be friendly in person though if I knew our kids were really getting on.l so I feel your pain!

Sometimes I think thd school pick up makes parents regress to their schooldays too. The cliques, blanking and ignoring other mums depending on which way the wind is blowing that day. Being hot and cold and petty.

Just ignore this mum and focus on other school mums, your children will probably change friendships in any case as that is what kids do.

To be fair I'm very shy and I can talk comfortably to some people that I know well or jsut some people are easier to talk to, and not so much to others so that doesn't necessarily mean anything, although if OP's regularly approaching her i'd say that would make her easier to talk to.