To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

It might not matter that time has passed. She could have formed an impression of you and is worried that even a simple hello will cause conversations (and invitations) to start up again.

I try to be friendly and make friends too, but I think that it’s also important to pick up on the signals that other people are sending you. Match their energy.

I see, in that case, I can see why you said hello. I’m like you, it’s been ingrained in me to say hello.

I think you’ve been friendly enough and now it’s time to take a step back and treat her like a vague acquaintance.

I don’t think you did anything wrong op.

She may have reasons and they may have more to do with her than you.

OP, you’ve tried, she doesn’t want to be friends, I would just give up.

She’s not being rude, she is just asserting her boundaries and spending time how she wants to.

we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly.

If you noticed she walked to avoid saying hello to you, why on earth would you then go over to her?

You need to value your worth more and stop making effort with people once they’ve shown you they don’t want to reciprocate.

In your shoes, I would just ignore her. If she says hello, say hello back but don’t go out of your way to acknowledge her.

Debased her ?
I was referring to other people on the thread egging the Op on by saying the usual nasty things -she's mean/ unpleasant/ a bitch , all the usual awful things women say about other women and pointing out if these women are so bad then it's not healthy to chase them, it's usual to give them a wide berth, therefore it's unlikely her actions are malicious.

The Op herself has stated she watches this woman
On the school run
At a sports match
At a social event
Her words not mine

Change of energy?
They have exchanged 3 texts 11 months ago

Well you must either have a tiny school or more time than me
I would not have the time or the energy to greet 100 plus people morning or afternoon

There now you can jump off your high horse

Why would I lie about such a small thing on an anonymous forum of all places..... do you mean no one wants to be your friend because you make snide little digs like that to people 🤣🤣🤣 whatever makes you feel better about yourself aye

When I turn up at the gates, I say hello to everyone - there are many ways to do this - with a smile, making eye contact, lifting a hand - you can say hello simply with your eyes and a head nod. But yes, I do greet everyone (including Grandparents, Au pairs/Nannies, Aunts and Uncles) as I'm heading in, as I do to the children also heading in. It takes no extra effort and is not 'exhausting'. You don't do it to make sure no one is offended, you just do it because that's the right way to behave in a social setting, with the same people you meet day after day.

You have over exaggerated every single tiny detail the OP added. The OP is clearly not a stalker and it's truly weird that you are trying to make out that she is based on a handful of examples the OP put down in her first post that have occurred over a 12mth period. Why you're intent on trying to make out like she is - is neither constructive nor helpful and it doesn't add anything useful to the conversation more broadly.

You've attacked the OPS self-esteem in a malicious rather than helpful way, and you make grand statements about how the OP is 'watching' this woman - rather than the reality where she is observing a change of energy from the woman. Something the more level headed people are helping the OP to navigate constructively.

It's fine for people to have different points of view - your view on people meeting up with friends at a school sport event is not entirely without merit - had you put it across in a supportive way that may have added to the conversation - but your input and attitude towards the OP is coming from a place where your intention is to simply debase her and there's just no reasonable grounds for that.

Ah, one of the mums at my son's school is like this. I have no idea what her problem with me is, but she definitely goes out of her way to avoid having to speak to me. I always smile and say hi. It's weird but I don't really care - I just let her get on with it.

But she isn’t talking to everyone else except the OP. She just is talking to a group of other mums she is friends with. It could be 2-3 people. She isn’t walking around talking to every single person in the playground and singling out the OP by specifically blanking her. I mean most people arrive at an event, see their friends and walk over to them. How on earth does that mean you are excluding anyone?

It’s been almost a year since this woman engaged with OP and she’s likely forgotten all about her. Why would she talk to her? I’m really struggling to understand why the OP is still watching the poor woman and evidently trying to get her attention 11 months after they last spoke.

Totally agree with your post. It’s definitely the school bully type that reigns over the clique.

But she does speak to the other parents. The OP has said that. The OP hasn't described her as a loner who should be grateful for her friendliness because everyone else ignores her. The opposite in fact.

If it's just that she doesn't speak to the OP, this is OP specific.

What no one here knows is whether she's just taken a dislike to the OP for some reason or whether she is worried about being invited out again and feels uncomfortable turning her down again.

It's only my opinion but the fact the OP sought her out to say hello to her when this woman had very clearly ignored her suggests to me it's more likely to be the latter.

You have misinterpreted what I meant.
Presumably there are 18-30 parents on the school run for each class.
Do PP really say hello to each and everyone of them?
Just to ensure no one is offended?

Of course I say morning to a couple of friends but everyone as I'm dashing in-no ?

MN always does this
Point out this is someone Op last texted a year ago and her expectations in thinking this woman will seek her out at events is ott and I must be an unsociable person.

This is an Op problem
Op seems to be watching this woman, who she last text a year ago
On the school run
At sports matches
At events
And assuming normal stuff like finding a spot to sit or sitting with friends is all about avoiding her specifically-not simply she had arranged to meet her friends as we all do.

As I said previously if this woman is a horrible person as inferred , why would someone with normal healthy self esteem be so invested with being their friend?
Surely you would read the room and find other friends

Because by talking to everyone else except her is an act of exclusion. She doesn’t need to be friends, nor does she need to have play dates. But don’t you think that maybe at school events, or, on the school run a basic level of conversation/politeness is the decent thing to do?

Does your DS have any other friends? I wonder if she thinks your DS leans on her son too much for friendship.

Her declines were pleasant enough, but the ignoring you, gives the impression she's avoiding the opportunity for you to ask her again.

On the whole, mums are open to chatting or playdates with their child's friends. She's avoiding this for a reason. Maybe she has other kids and is too busy. Or she may not feel her son needs these playdates.

It's not necessarily about making friends. I certainly don't need anymore. It's about basic manners expecially if the kids get on!

You have my sympathies OP. I've had this happen to me and it is rotten. Like what others have said, I didn't want to make friends with these people, just to say hello. I've loads of my own friends.

I still see one of the mothers as our kids are in secondary but not as much thankfully and now I just say hi and keep walking. I've learnt to match her effort and it doesn't bother me anymore. It was rotten at the time though as a group of them used to stand chatting behind me and my daughter would come out and say (very loudly) why aren't you standing with the other mothers! Talk about making me feel crap!

Maybe it’s just me but I didn’t think people were that bothered about befriending other school mums? I don’t get it - I already have friends thanks, felt the same with NCT when everyone said making friends was the best bit. And it’s exhausting keeping up with the ones I have!

Yup. Even the painfully shy or chronically lazy ought to be able to
manage a smile and wave. 🙂👋

I work full time as does DH - we both still have time to say 'hello' and wave to people, much like I do when I arrive in work to colleagues....

This is a 'you' problem.

If you think saying 'hello' is exhausting....you must need to lay down alot.....

I had this! It’s a horrible feeling. I was totally ghosted by a mum I thought I was friendly with (not overly) and she never invited my DS to her house again. I figured my DS had done something to annoy her / her DS but it does hurt! I’m over it now - I say let them be, you can’t control other people and the way they handle things x