To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

My friend keeps talking to me about a similar issue she’s having. One of the other mums doesn’t want to hang out with her. I said to my friend that there are several kids and therefore several parents in the class group, and you’re going to click with some and not with others.
In my DD’s class I’ve clicked with some, and the others are perfectly nice, just not my kind of people. That’s just how it is.

Also in my friend’s case, her DD is an absolute loose cannon, very badly behaved. I’m not saying this is the case for you, but always something to consider. I arrange to meet my friend and her DD at a soft play centre because I don’t want her child destroying my house.

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Yep that's exactly how I meant it.

It's not a diagnosis as 'to be socially inept' is not a medical condition - it's a description and means, 'lacks skill' or 'clumsy'. Hardly the insult being made out.

@Renabrook to me going off the posts the woman does lack skill. It shows a lack of maturity if you're default is to blank someone/avoid eye contact etc because you're scared they may ask for another playdate for their child. It's the type of behaviour you might expect from a teenager not an adult who should have the manners, the understanding of their impact and the confidence to be able to remain friendly while also declining a social engagement she doesn't feel right for her.

Essentially it boils down to something quite simple - the OP has a child that really wants to play with another child outside of school. As parents we want to meet these requests from our child because we know how important they are to them. It can make you feel like you've failed your child for not being 'likeable enough' with another parent and in this case it's compounded by the other parent rejecting the OP even to the extent of not showing basic level kindness/politeness (exchanging chit chat/smiling/saying hello) while remaining friendly with other parents.

The OP has internalised all this as all her fault hence feeling sad.

There are many views and other perspectives some harder hitting than others but useful all the same for the OP to help view the situation differently and change her mindset.

But other views have been so unhelpful and have twisted the original post to such ridiculous proportions it's been simply a game to ignite argument, conflict and attack the OP. People do come to this forum for sport and it's very clear who those individuals are.

For me, it shows a lack of maturity if a person's default is to blank someone for something as banal as asking for a playdate - it suggests they don't have the social skills to navigate this situation in a more constructive less antagonistic/hurtful way.

So I stand by my perspective that the woman is being socially inept.

Yes but when it involves our dc and their friends you step up a bit, you fake it.

Just smile and accept play invites if it's what your dc would like.

You can do as you like with your own social like but inconveniently when you have kids they come first not whether you like the look of someone.

That’s exactly right op.

These things are much more often to do with the person themselves.

It may “ involve” you to the extent that she has hopes for her Dc to be best mates with Cool Mike not your Dc or something, but that in itself is a her issue.

There are many reasons and actually given she doesn’t know much about you, the chances that it’s you or your Dc are probably less than the chances it’s something else.

But even if it is something about you - and it may be that she thinks her Dc is naughty with yours etc etc - it doesn’t mean she is right about that.

I have been a bit stand-offish with a couple of mums because I felt my Dc were being “pushed” into friendships that were excluding their other friends. However even then, I’d have managed a wave and friendly smile, perhaps mouthed or said “ hi.”

I think this woman does sound a bit rude.

You can only tell yourself your conscience is clear. And don’t turn rude yourself or you’ll only justify her behaviour! Quick perfunctory smile and hi, keep moving does the trick!

Not liking someone, not wanting to chat, not seeking out someone's company and avoiding one specific person does not make someone socially inept. It makes them an adult with agency.

It doesn't really matter what this woman's reasons are. She clearly has them and is free to make her own choices about who she speaks to.

Only speaking for myself but something seems a little odd with hearing one person's details of a person and other people 'diagnosing' a label of someone they have never met, same as it would be odd if someone 'diagnosed' you with just seeing what posts you make on here? would that be accurate about you if someone did that?

But there has to come a point where people need to stop trying too hard

With regards to your last 2 lines no it does not have to be anything you or your son have done, but I don't know why you need to think she is 'socially inept'

you are pushing your issues on to her even though she may not be aware, She may have no issues at all and just plain does not like you

Not everyone does but to put issues onto another person seems really odd, and as harsh as this sounds this to me makes me think you have issues yourself to do so

My first post here was to quote you. The only time I have directly addressed you.
My next response was to Gloriia who had quoted part of my response to you.
Other PPs picked up on the same (and subsequent) post(s) from Gloriia.

I replied to 3 or 4 PPs. This is a discussion forum. Lots of other posters have engaged in the discussion and responded multiple times.
My 7 (now 8) posts is hardly an excessive input.
And I haven’t criticised you in my responses. I hypothesised a bit and interpreted the other mum’s actions based on the information you provided but I haven’t criticised you. You seem to have taken my ‘ifs’ and ‘perhaps’ very personally.
Perhaps you’re an overthinker by nature, and you are overthinking the situation with this mum.
Re-reading my own posts, I made more suggestions about the other mum’s behaviour, than about you.

I haven’t read anything you’ve written about this woman that suggests she has been outright rude to you. Politely declining 3 invites and being cordial when you spoke to her is not rude. You are starting to sound very sensitive and defensive, picking up on PP who think YABU.
You do see this on MN – ‘I don’t like what you’re saying so please get off my thread’.
People are allowed to disagree with you online, and you must expect a bit of challenge on an anonymous forum, and people are allowed to dislike you in real life, and it doesn’t mean they’re rude, disrespectful, socially inept etc.

You’re the one who said this situation has made you feel sad. You see it as rejection. Yet now, apparently, it’s about the manners of this woman and, actually, you’re not taking it personally because you don’t want to be friends with her, really, it’s your son you’re sad for.

FWIW I think correcting someone’s grammar in a sneery way and hoping a poster gets banned for challenging you is downright rude.

Because that's what decent, polite humans do when someone else acknowledges them.

But that's my point why do you believe she has to be polite or even civil at events or in the playground? She's well out of your way mingling around - she's not being rude she's just choosing not to engage

What a nasty person you are. Actually a bit of a bully yourself.

Cafeshosp again very petty and spiteful behaviour just because someone like 52 per cent of other people don't agree with you. Big difference between 11pm and writing a whole post about someone at 12.30am and engaging in alot of bashing of the other person. I don't think that you can see outside yourself and your own opinion and you were hoping to validate that here and irrelevant of the majority thinking UABU you have continued to call this woman socially inept just because she doesn't entertain you. I have seen you take no opinion other than your own and your followers on board and shoukd I be banned for staying that then MN is clearly not what it claims to be. I have a right to an opinion as do you, I just wouldn't be looking to validate normal behaviour by attacking someone else and making myself look innocent, which is what you are doing, if you don't want the honest feedback don't ask.

But why does a mum you don't have a relationship with have to be anything towards you? She's not going to school to socialise she's going to pick her child up. Me personally I would be polite because I'm like that-but your trying to dictate how she should behave towards you just cause your kids are friendly?it's a bit full on you not think?

You send paragraphs of angry and in parts unreadable, incomprehensible drivel but attacking the OP nonetheless and then say the OPs reply back to you is 'disgusting'.

Then attack the OP for being online at the same time you are 😂for 'attacking someone she doesn't know'

The hypocrisy lives here!

Haven’t read it all but I’m guessing this woman doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you to be part of her group? I’ve come across some very cliquey school mums. I don’t understand why they’re like it, but it’s best off leaving them to it imo.

I felt better after I eventually met some more like minded people but the ones I got on with weren’t usually part of the ‘in’ crowd so it’s harder to find them. I’d encourage some other friendships / play dates for your dc so he’s not upset about missing out on extra time with this friend.

"How anyone can be wrapped up in this small world garbage.'

Says the person whose not even experiencing it and has never met either party - just a person on the internet who can express free will and scroll on but to which they themselves 'get so wrapped up in it' they take time to write paragraphs with an overly angry response - complete with capitals and multiple ?!?!?!?!