To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

Three is a lady in a group I’m friends with who constantly asks us to hers for dinner or drinks or a gathering.. it’s just non stop “oh come to mine” we all started avoiding her it’s tiring and awkward as none of us really have to time and don’t want to. But having to say no thanks over a few times gets tricky so we just avoid.

Yes this can be true.

I’ve had a couple of children try to “ corner” my Dc into friendships. It’s not that my Dc don’t like them as such, but they have wanted to kind of commandeer them to the exclusion of others, which was affecting my DC’s other friendships. I probably acted slightly like this to the mums if I’m honest, for exactly the reason suggested by others, namely it get embarrassing turning their advances down.

I think as a general rule it helps to treat these things like a tennis match: if you’ve made an advance that was turned down, the ball is on their side of the court to return it by coming back with a different suggestion if they really were just busy etc. I certainly wouldn’t make more than two offers or advances in a row that were not accepted. It’s sad, but sometimes you have to take a hint.

Turn it round in your head. Just think sod her her loss. Reach out to other mums and make your own clique - then have far more fun than her!

Perhaps she feels she has enough friends and doesn't have the time to get more involved with anyone else. She probably hasn't given it any thought at all and has no idea how she comes across to you.

Personally I had a couple of years when I was working fewer hours and had more time to get to know people, but even then I knew I'd be stepping it up in my career in future so didn't want to get too involved and then feel guilty later because I didn't have time for people.

Hi op I went through similar when we moved to the small town we live in and it really stung for.a bit but the mums just weren't my tribe as they say. Friendship has to be a two way street. I would.ignore.too.now and match the other mum's energy.

You are aware that just because your kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be friends too?

@Cafeshops how big is your class? Why do you care that she isnt that interested? Don't you have more people who are? Honestly, my experience is just move on and find your own tribe.

We have a couple of kids with SEN in our class. The mum tries to do lots of playdates but many refuse them now because the child is considered 'uncool'. My kids go because they have a fun time with them. However I can see that the mum in question would find some of the other parents hurtful. However its just because their kids aren't interested.

We also have a mum who only likes very wealthy parents and is extremely selective here. She literally looks through you if you don't fit the look/religion. I find her extremely mean girl ish but I'm glad that my thoughts aren't isolated and others have mentioned it to me. I don't get upset, I just think she's a bit of a cow. The child is OK but I'm no hurry to actively organise solo play dates.

My point is there are lots of complexities at bay and you can't control everything. Just look for those you gel with.

The school Dads at our school gate are all friendly and wouldn’t be cliquey at all. It’s about 50/50 Mums and Dads. I would be just as judgey if one of them were grumpy and rude, but they’re not.

Why are we assuming the other lady isn't a nice person though? She's done nothing wrong.

This

Agree 100 per cent - blank her right back.....

I've also met people like this, and it says more about them then it does about you.

This might sound harsh OP, but for some reason she either doesn't want to children to be friends or to be friends with you, and that is her choice. Leave it be.

She's taken a dislike to you. For whatever reason, and you'll never know, she just doesn't like you.

I don’t really get this “she doesn’t want to be your friend” view. I don’t go playdates because I want to be friends with the parents I do them because my child gets on with another kid and because of her age I have to chaperone her.

OP you tried, don’t worry about it, some people are just like this, they have their reasons, some may be stupid reasons some may be reasonable. You asked her and she said no so best to move on. The majority of parents at my child's school are completely normal but there are one or two who are very cliquey and I think they prefer parents that will fit in with whatever social scene they are trying to build.

Are you from the South or not in the UK?

Might be a more northern phrase if you haven’t heard it.

Seen your arse, being arsey, is a well known saying from my neck of the woods. DH often asks me why I’ve ’seen my arse’ about something 😆

Of course there has to be a reason for you to intensely dislike someone

I wouldn’t invest any more of your time trying to work why she’s acting this way, OP. Distance yourself now and mirror her cordial responses if your paths cross in the future.

As the DC become older friendships most likely will change.

Because saying the woman has nothing wrong with her but also that she cannot stand to be in her company is baffling. And there has to be a reason for it or the PP wouldn’t admit to refusing dinner invites if she knows she’ll be there. You wouldn’t do that if you were just ambivalent towards someone, so again there has to be a reason. She said herself she couldn’t put it into words - not that she selected this woman at random to avoid for shits and giggles. Trying to explain it would provide an insight to those of us who are avoided without knowing why so that we can perhaps reflect on how we interact going forward, if it bothers us enough. That’s all.

There does not have to be a reason, why does it seem people turn into some intense drama people when they have children and suddenly become part of the school 'gang'

But maybe she is trying her best to want you to take a hint for the million of reasons she may have it comes down to she does not want too, for yours and her sake just stop and stop assuming anything about her or any other school parents

did you do this to people before you had a child/ren?

You sound a bit full on TBH

There’s a woman in our social group I just don’t gel with. I can’t explain it; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her, but I don’t want to be friends.

Do you not have any idea why you dislike her? There must be a reason

Another aspect which will get eye rolls is could she be jealous of you physically? Some women actively despise better looking or more alternative women - nothing to do with personality.

Have had this several times too some people are just weird / rude / unfriendly. She may feel threatened by you for some reason. It's a shame when your kids are friends but you can't do anything about it. Just focus on the nice parents instead.

Ha, I wonder if we were friends with the same woman as I was going to include an anecdote about ‘one of those’ in my post above!

I decided not to as it might be outing, but needless to say, the woman in question’s social insecurity hasn’t done her any favours in the long run; all her cool wealthy friends sussed her out eventually (it took them a few years tbf) and she finally moved away as it turned out she wasn’t happy here had no friends.

I also experienced the same. It’s not nice as a parent, especially when your children are desperate to be included in the holiday ‘group park dates’.

There was a particular strong clique with the parents of the group of one of my children and my face just didn’t fit. I was overweight. I guess I didn’t fit their image of who they wanted to be seen with in the park / coffee shop.