To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

Why do you think school mums are different to any other group of women? It appears school mums can’t make their own friendship groups and have to invite everyone to everything. Also, if school mums are cliquey surely that means you are too?

You've invited her and her son to various playdates and she's politely refused all of them. I suspect she's avoiding you because she thinks you're going to invite her to another, which she'll decline again. It's becoming awkward, so her solution is to avoid you. No one knows why she's not interested, and you could go around in circles trying to figure it out. She may dislike your son, dislike you, feel she has nothing in common with you other than the children etc. Who knows. It's not worth wasting your energy over. Accept she's not interested in being friends, even for the children's sake. If she passes you, give a friendly hello, but don't actively seek her out, to speak to her. Yes, it's a shame but there's little point in keeping trying, it's obvious she's not interested.

Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

Kindly, I think you need to take the hint that she isn't interested in being friends with you and do nothing.

She's not being friendly with you because you keep trying to engage her when she has made it clear that she isn't interested in being friends with you.

No one here will know why that is. Maybe your repeated efforts feel intense or needy to her. Maybe she knows the others outside school and doesn't want any more schoolgate mum friends. Maybe her child has told her that he doesn't want to see your child out of school. There's also a big difference between being happy to exchange pleasantries and chit chat with parents on the playground and being repeatedly invited to things by one.

It doesn't matter whether people think she is being unreasonable either. She has her own life with her own boundaries and all she is doing is enforcing those. If she is now even avoiding eye contact with you, you shouldn't be wondering what else you can do but stop all of it. She doesn't want a friendly relationship with you and that's OK.

Maybe she smells wrong. People like to forget we are animals too and react instictively (sometimes).

At a time when my nursery class DD was being very much pursued by another child who wanted to be best friends with her, was very bossy and stopped my DD playing with other children, I was similarly targeted by the child's parent. She would interrupt any conversation I was having, direct conversation at me when I needed to leave to collect my other child and push, push push the friendship, seeking playdates and meet ups as they are 'best friends'. It was just too much and very uncomfortable. She was worried about her child and was trying to force the situation. You can't steamroller children or parents into intense friendships. You have to let it evolve. I feel like you've been too pushy and full on OP. In this case, the DDs did develop a long term friendship and I am friends with the parent, but the intensity of the pursuit was a hindrance, not a help. You have to respect other people's boundaries and feelings. I also agree that many parents are oblivious to their own children's bad behaviour and therefore why certain friendships wouldn't be encouraged.

Let it go. You may never know what is causing her to behave like this - it could be something totally irrational like you remind her of her husbands ex or she doesn’t like green adidas trainers. It’s her problem and not yours.
Instead of giving headspace to this, you could be building friendships with other mothers.
Keep on acknowledging her but remove your expectations of her. Life is too short to let this kind of thing get to you.

Could he be a second or third child? She might have established her circle of friends with her first born and can’t be bothered making any more effort.I definitely think parents of first born a make the most effort with other parents.

I don't think there's anything you can do about this other than shrug it off and ignore her back. It may come around and bite her in the arse when a year down the line her son is begging her to set something up with your son and she has to approach you and invite you to something. I have known this to happen.

She's rude AF. She's suddenly acting like she doesn't know OP, you surely don't think that's normal or OK? Echoing other posters, just forget about her OP, better off not being friends with someone like this anyway. Just smile if you see her and walk on

Who cares why she’s doing it, we could all wonder for ever and never know. It doesn’t matter anyway.

It’s hurtful for you but all you can do is control your response - don’t allow it to get to you. Easier said than done, of course x

I had a sports day to attend yesterday and I didn't want to talk to anyone, was happy being by myself even though I knew a few faces. Have a lot on my mind just now. Possibly this mum has a lot on and doesn't want extra stuff to talk about...

Out of interest OP does your DS ask to have this child over for play dates? Is it him who is navigating your interest in this child? If so I can understand you being sad for your DS, that’s a tough one for kids to understand. If it’s you who is trying so hard to nurture the friendship then I would just leave be. If the boys are naturally drawn to each other it’ll work itself out. Just explain to your DS gently about the lack of contact outside of school and try and find him other friends/activities.

Whoever thinks ‘cliquey’ behaviour doesn’t exist at the school gate must live under a stone. It does without a doubt. It’s a breeding ground for those who want to be a ‘queen bee’. Just like being back in school, the ‘popular’ groups rule. I’m not suggesting this is the case with this Mum, I’m just saying it exists.

I hope your DS isn’t troubled by this, please ensure he isn’t focussed on this child. Encourage outside interests for him.

I hope things sort themselves out OP

It makes me think she doesn't really like your son for whatever reason.
I have no real desire to hang out or be friends with school mums. I'm always polite and friendly. My DS is close friends with another boy, they really adore eachother. It's necessary to talk to and sometimes spend time with his family so that the boys can be together and I'm happy to do it for their sake.

I had the opposite, moved in to my new house that we bought, when it was up for sale, one of the neighbours had a nosey at it on the website. So after we moved in, she eventually realised I was taking my kids to the same school, she came up to me in the playground all friendly, asking lots of questions about the house. After that day she never spoke to me again, in fact would walk right past me to get to another mum.
so the cheeky cow only spoke to me as she wanted to know about the house, no interest in me. I could never do that, if I spoke to someone once, I would always say hello to them in passing as a minimum.

I had the opposite, moved in to my new house that we bought, when it was up for sale, one of the neighbours had a nosey at it on the website. So after we moved in, she eventually realised I was taking my kids to the same school, she came up to me in the playground all friendly, asking lots of questions about the house. After that day she never spoke to me again, in fact would walk right past me to get to another mum.
so the cheeky cow only spoke to me as she wanted to know about the house, no interest in me. I could never do that, if I spoke to someone once, I would always say hello to them in passing as a minimum.

This, just get the hint and leave her be

Being friendly is not the crime you're making it out to be ffs...what is wrong with people!

OP just blank the miserable b from now on.

Little kids should not have best friends.

You need to invite other children out and about.

Shes one of ‘those’ mothers who have too many friends and ignore anyone else.

Shes just plain rude.

Is she friends with her older kids friends mothers? Doesn’t have time for her younger kids mothers?

I’ve met a fair few of them.

Don’t waste your breath.

I think that she thinks if she's nice to you then you will be trying to be friends again. I've had to blank a too keen mum when being nice bit me in the arse and it was torture. You know you, but she doesn't and she might just think you're one of those OTT people. I avoid people that give me that vibe because I just really don't have the energy to give what they want from me these days.

Exactly this.

I agree with this, im always cordial and polite to people on the school run and to DS' friends parents but I have no desire for any more friends in honesty. My plate is already full and in honesty haven't met anyone yet that id be friends of independently of them being another parent. A few will chat to me about stuff id only chat about with friends or message a lot about stuff which isnt DS and I find it a bit awkward as I don't want to offend them but im also happy being acquaintances.

I’ve never had a problem making friends, until I moved to a small town when I had my first child. A lot of the mums at the gate already knew each other, it was tremendously cliquey. They actively snubbed/blanked me from the get go.

I’ve made a few friends at the school since, but mainly, it’s been outside of it at her various classes and activities. I will say the exclusion was awful. I literally can’t believe people who defend this behaviour, it’s a form of bullying. Yes, she doesn’t need to do play dates. But ignoring this lady at school and chatting to everyone else is horrible.

She doesn’t like you for whatever reason, it’s not a reflection on you. Don’t give it your time or energy. Xx

Ok so we have for a similar situation going on but I am the other mum.

I have already had a conversation with the other mum but she keeps persisting so I have resorted to going full ghost mode.

1- our kids are both sweet kids. But when they are together they are naughty. They just don’t bring out the best in each other and my child only seems to find trouble when with this one specific child. This behaviour comes home too and I’m not having it.

2- her life is a mess. And while I have sympathy, as soon as I open the door to it she will tell me all about her problems til kingdom come when we aren’t best friends and I’ve my own stuff to be dealing with. I don’t have the bandwidth for it.

3 - we are very different parenting wise. Her child is allowed to do A LOT of things my is not (like playing certain video games) and I don’t want my child exposed to it if I can avoid it.

It’s not personal at all, she seems nice enough. But we are definitely not a good match. And I have a group of friends with similar interests/values to my family so I am happy just maintaining those friendships

I'm sure no one is "desperate to be your friend".....

I have this exact situation at the moment. I think it is because they are worried our dd's will become too friendly and will want to go in and out of each others houses, so they just ignore instead. We literally share a boundary wall and find it quite disturbing that they can't be a little civil considering our dd's get on well. This particular woman has no problem talking to literally everyone else. I find her so rude!