To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

In the nicest way are you more middle class and /or more educated than her? It could be insecurity on her part… I’ve had this once with a school mum.

The problem is though that when it feels someone is 'aggressively' pursuing that, people try to protect themselves from it.

There could be any number of reasons why this woman doesn't want to be friendly with the OP. Including the fact that her child might not want to be friends with her child outside of school.

It's fine to try but, when someone clearly isn't interested for any reason, you need to back off.

I think the school gate takes a lot of other mum’s back to their school times where they see everything as a rejection.

Sally and Naomi decide to go for a pint on a Friday- omg why didn’t they invite me as my daughter is in their class?? A group of mums who have known each other since a toddler group 8 years ago go camping with their children? That’s 20% of the year group- they needed to invite the whole class. Jenny had an awful day at work and was so happy to see her close friend Rachel at the school gate and have a vent. Lisa is upset as Jenny walked past her to get to her friend and didn’t invite her to join in on the personal conversation.

Hi OP YANBU for being sad that this friendship hasn’t worked out. But you just need to ignore her now. I think she feels chased by you.

this bit stood out for me “she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello,”

she walked ALL the way around the other side without saying hello to you…so you went over there?! Seems very odd behaviour on your part. You barely know this women so why did you make such an effort to go over there?

I wonder if you’re not picking up on social cues and she’s feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Why are you assuming this exactly?

Some of the responses on here are unhinged.

Agreed.
That's not necessarily what's happening here though.

....and sometimes we don't have to. 🫣

I've been the invited mum. My DS was maybe year 4 I was working in quite a stressful job that at the time was dealing with the crypto water crisis in the North West. When I had the luxury of picking up my son because I wasn't at work one mum would jump on me for playdates I'd start to go the long way round to school and only go into the playground when the bell went even hid at points. I'd already tried to explain I was very busy, tired and barely had time to see my children then declined politely but it fell on deaf ears till in the end I accepted I only went because I was bombarded I really didn't want to be there , while I was always civil a friendship didn't develop - fast forward 10 years now if I didn't want to go somewhere or see someone I'd just keep saying no without hiding round corners, yes everyone should treat people with kindness and respect but it's my life if I don't want to be your friend then I don't want to be your friend what I have found not only from the playground but life generally is some people struggle to read social cues no matter how polite you are sometimes you just need to say no.

She's probably one of the mums I read about on here who bans play dates and sleepovers until their kids are 18!

I wouldn't stress about it OP - you don't have to be besties with your DC friends' parents. Friendly/acquaintance terms is fine. Your DC may well have friends in future whose parents that you won't get on with so much as well, or who just aren't your kind of people. And kids' friendships change too. It can be awkward if you become good friends with the parents and then the DC fall out!

This. There's a weird assumption amongst some that women who just happen to live in the same area, choose the same primary school.and have children born in the same academic year will automatically be friends.

When friendships naturally occur between those women it's described as a 'clique'. It's not. It's just friendship.

I'm still fb friends with a few mums who added me in primary school. Our daughters are now at university. I'm still only fb friends with all of them and only ever was. Some of them have formed lifelong friendships and frequently holiday etc together. I never viewed it as a clique.

The problem is that some women think that they will make friends with their children's classmates' parents and there are plenty of lonely mum threads on here when people say, "Don't worry, you'll make friends when they start school." Not necessarily. I've always wanted to have 'me' things in common with my friends.

And whilst I was happy to meet up for coffee or arrange days out with a few parents, it was never with parents I got a vibe of 'wanting to be friends' from. Mainly because I'm not interested in playground politics and I've seen too many problems between adults when children fall out!

Yes cliquey behaviour does exist.

The playground takes lots of mums straight back to school and the ex-bullies reclaim their turf, or alternatively those with unresolved social issues see it as their “second chance” and try to 💪 flex.

You can spot the “ regressers” or “ second chancers” a mile off. They normally flatten others in their haste offer to organise the what’s app group, parent drinks, teachers gifts etc. They are the prime sculptors of some approximation of a “cool group/in-crowd “ 😎 of parents - which at that stage of life is a bit tragic. Don’t let these types bother you op: the issues are theirs and a bit cringe.

It's not about the adult being friends. It is about facilitating our kids socialising outside school. Sometimes we must make the effort for our kids sake and try and develop some social skills ourselves.

You have a Hyacinth Bouquet there in rhino skin :)

Yes I did, but she still asks, she’s ignored my bluntness. She invites herself “oh I must pop round on Friday” to while I say “no I’m working” it’s that blunt but it still happens.

Not suggesting the OP is like this.

This. She's is rude so just ignore her.

We don't have to be bffs with school mums but we all grin and bear it for the sake of our kids. If my dc had wanted friends over I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if I particularly liked the parents I'd have invited the dc or accepted invites. I've spent many a doorstep pick up or drop off smiling and nodding to a parent I'd normally have nothing in common with.

Just focus on others dc and stop trying to engage, she is not someone to waste your time over.

I had similar. I was upset like you. Once I took the family swimming and we all saw her in the pool. I said hello, she got out and left her children and husband! A few weeks later, we were both involved in a school activity. I asked her in front of everyone, why she ignored me like that?! She went quiet, and said it was because I'm a size 10 and she's fat, she didn't want to see me there. It was werid but at least i knew it was her problem not mine, but I never bothered acknowledging her again.

I'm sorry but all of us know people who 'just aren't our type'.

For whatever reason she's not interested in being friends.

I had to back off from various mums at the school gate who weren't just 'for me'.

I'd take the hint and try to make new friends.

maybe your child has done something to upset hers? I had this with my dd. Mum of friend thought they were best friends, my dd was coming home crying everyday that ‘sally’ did this and said that. Sallys mum was none the wiser and thought they got in great. Obviously I started ducking out of play dates when I noticed sallys behaviour at our house one day. No need to be rude, but can understand sometimes people need to steer their children’s friendships

Why? She invited them to th9ngs three times across a school year and says hello when she sees her?

Their children get on, it's only natural to want to get on with the parent of your child's friend.

I agree, ask the child somewhere alone, especially now going into year 2.

Let it go…..she clearly doesn’t want to ‘socialise’ with you, keep pushing and you’ll end up looking needy.
You DS is only young, as he grows he will associate with more and more children and before you know it he will have lots of friends for play dates, sleepovers and parties.

As already stated by other posters, she's probably fed up of OP seemingly not taking no for an answer.

A lot of social climbing goes on at the school gates, OP. I wouldn't take it personally, just upgrade your Land rover! :-p

I wonder if her son doesn’t feel the same as the OP’s son. I think some young children have a ‘best friend’ when the other one isn’t in to them as much.

Does no one ever say please stop asking, I'm not interested? Sometimes being blunt is nicer in the long run.