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Was I BU to get frustrated with kids screaming?

62 replies

Salumthecat · 02/06/2025 22:06

I know this sounds a bit silly and I’m aware I’m giving it too much headspace. I suffer from really severe anxiety, I’m having therapy but I overthink a lot of things and I’m neurodivergent which doesn’t help.

I was at the dentist today, I was already anxious about seeing the dentist and he knows that and is very good with me.

The practice is opposite a primary school and the windows were open as it was a small warm room, my last appointment was winter and the windows were closed.
I had to wait for a while for the dentist then had an examination, it must have been a break time at the school and was already very noisy but then there appeared to be a small group of girls having some sort of screaming contest.

They were taking it in turns to scream loudly one after the other, this went on for a few minutes then they all started screaming at the same time. I could hear one of the girls counting down 3,2,1 GO! Then they would all scream together.
No staff appeared to be going to stop them and it was starting to make me feel desperate to escape, the dentist said I needed X rays as it had been a few years so I knew I’d be stuck there longer. I politely asked the dentist if he could shut the window and he asked if I was cold?
I said no it was just the screaming was quite loud.
I asked in a semi joking way how he managed to listen to that all day, he didn’t answer but the hygienist wasn’t happy.

The hygienist snapped at me “do you have an issue with kids playing?”
I said no but I wasn’t keen on the screaming. She then said that it was likely her daughter just having fun with her friends, she said girls are often “a bit screechy” then said “I take it you’ve none of your own?”

I don’t have kids, I know kids are noisy but I didn’t think it was normal for any parent to be so defensive about their child being allowed to scream at full volume. There was no SEN mentioned so that’s unlikely, it’s definitely not likely the whole group screaming had any additional needs.

I apologised and just said I was feeling a bit anxious, she left to take the X rays to be processed and I was left just with the dentist. I said I was sorry if I’d been offensive and he said I definitely wasn’t and that he was surprised the staff let it happen. He said one day those kids might be screaming for a genuine emergency and no one was going to take any notice.

I felt better that the dentist clearly didn’t think I’d said anything really bad but I was upset when I left.
Part of me felt like leaving feedback on the form I always get sent after the appointment, I was tempted to put that I felt uncomfortable about the hygienists attitude but then I decided I didn’t want her to get in any trouble. I know I was upset but I also know I am over sensitive.

I just wondered if I was actually rude or out of order with what I said about the dentist being stuck listening to kids all day?
With having no kids I was worried I came across as some evil child hater and the way the hygienist said she had taken it I had none of my own it was like that’s what she was insinuating.

I really feel sorry for my dentist, it made me wonder if he’s desperate to close that window for some peace but too scared of also receiving a bollocking 😂.

OP posts:
SalmonDreams · 02/06/2025 23:52

I have kids and I don't kind screaming. Well, actually I hate when my two screech at me during a tantrum but I don't mind kids screaming for fun.

Having said that I don't think you did anything wrong. You asked for the window to be closed and only offered a reason when they asked you for it. It's not like you complained about the kids screaming. Even if you had I would cut my patients some slack knowing that some of them might be stressed and anxious.

The hygienist making a point of telling you that you don't have kids was rude and absolutely uncalled for.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 02/06/2025 23:51

steff13 · 02/06/2025 23:49

Maybe her kids go to that school and they were one of the ones screaming.

I'm also very anxious about the dentist and my dentist has noise canceling headphones that you can put on, primarily to prevent you from hearing some of the sounds of the equipment. Maybe next time you could take your own earbuds or something in and put those in before they start.

Yeah probably

Still, being cold to a simple request is a bit much, its not as though op said anything personal about them, just that they were noisy

steff13 · 02/06/2025 23:49

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 02/06/2025 22:11

I was expecting you to be unreasonable to behonest but you absolutely weren't

All you asked for was the window to be closed. It doesn't sound like your tone was off.

Wonder what the hygienists problem was 😄

Maybe her kids go to that school and they were one of the ones screaming.

I'm also very anxious about the dentist and my dentist has noise canceling headphones that you can put on, primarily to prevent you from hearing some of the sounds of the equipment. Maybe next time you could take your own earbuds or something in and put those in before they start.

Supersimkin7 · 02/06/2025 23:46

YANBU. No one likes the shriekers.

coxesorangepippin · 02/06/2025 23:43

I'd be finding a different hygienist

Away2000 · 02/06/2025 23:20

The hygienist was being rude. I used to work in an office next to a school and when the windows were open the noise was unbearable to me (also ND), but it didn’t seem to bother anyone else. A lot of NT people really don’t seem to notice/process noise the same, so they probably didn’t realise it was so loud. The hygienists reaction was over the top though. She could of just shut the window and moved on.

CranberryBush · 02/06/2025 23:09

Full blown screaming annoys me. One of my DDs friends screams loads when playing and I do intermittently ask her to stop. The school should really be asking them to settle it down a bit too. If there are any children sensitive to noise nearby they probably aren't enjoying listening to it either.
It sounds like the hygienist took it personally as it was her daughter which you weren't to know.

AlpacaMittens · 02/06/2025 23:07

Hygienist was rude and weird. You were fine, and you're right too - the screeching is too much. My house is next to a primary school. The screeching is insane. It doesn't bother me really but I do wonder WHY are they SCREECHING? They're not shouting, they're not screaming, they're literally actually screeching. I feel for the teachers 😂

Manyplanetsfromthesun · 02/06/2025 23:03

I have children. They all flirted on the edge of being screamers at preschool age… which got taken strictly into hand (you scream repeatedly, you come indoors so you don’t disturb the neighbours). Allowing your children to willfully scream for fun, without due cause, is lazy parenting. Unless there is SEN where it’s a communication. These parents are not doing their children or communities any favours.

YANBU… It’s bad enough listening to your own kids scream- you have my sympathy listening to a whole unchecked class in a situation that was obviously stressful enough.

The hygienist was being ridiculous and unprofessional. As a doctor there is no way I’d have this professional approach to my patients, who are already in an uncomfortable position in my clinic.

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 02/06/2025 23:02

How unprofessional of the dental nurse. I hate kids screaming and I have kids. It’s just not pleasant so I imagine mixed with anxiety it was not a great feeling for you. Please don’t worry you did nothing wrong x

herbygarden · 02/06/2025 23:00

You were not unreasonable at all. The hygienist was bloody rude. I have two primary aged kids and would not be offended at all. What was offensive was her assumption you have no kids!

IReallyLoveItHere · 02/06/2025 22:58

You did nothing wrong, that nurse was rude and fair chance she was given feedback on that later.

I can't even see why she would take offense. She wasn't in charge of the kids and yes they often scream as a game and an adult should intervene after a few goes to teach them proper behaviour.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/06/2025 22:52

Salumthecat · 02/06/2025 22:13

Oh god do you think so? I’ve been worrying about this since 3pm so I maybe shouldn’t have posted.

I asked my friend about it but she wasn’t the right person to ask, her kids once blew a whistle in my face for about half an hour without stopping and she said I was a spoil sport when I complained.
She didn’t comment much about what happened today but I got the feeling she thought I’d come across as judgemental.

That's no friend OP. I know anxiety isn't rational (I have it too) but in reality you are under assertive, not over. It's really okay to have an opinion and to ask people to do small things to make the environment more pleasant for you.

And no reasonable person - not one - lets their child blow a whistle in someone's face.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/06/2025 22:48

The Hygienist was unprofessional.

I have children, none of them were screamers. I DETEST the sound of screechy screaming children. I live by a school and the noise of playground play is absolutely fine. But if they were screaming, nope, my windows would be closed.

I think you should give feedback about this visit. If it had been me, faced with her attitude, I'd have got up and walked out.

Dangermoo · 02/06/2025 22:40

herbaceous · 02/06/2025 22:36

I have mega-sensitive teeth, and receding gums. I cannot bear the water jet thing as it give me terrible nerve pain.

I'd agreed with the practice I'd be numbed for the cleaning, but she huffed and puffed and moaned. Did it. Then started cleaning and after a few teeth hit an un-numbed nerve. I leapt three feet in the air, and she just shouted at me 'look what you've done, you've made me cut myself, I'm going to have to do a blood test in case you've got a disease... etc'

I was shaken, and backed out apologising. Then came to my senses and submitted a complaint!

Absolutely shocking behaviour from a so called professional. Yes, the water jet is horrible. I'm with you, I don't do the dentists anymore. I look after my own hygiene now. Also had a bad experience with the extraction of a wisdom tooth and refused to have the other one out. The dentist and his nurse were arguing while he worked on me! Dentists aren't the best places to be, especially if you're already suffering from anxiety.

herbaceous · 02/06/2025 22:36

I have mega-sensitive teeth, and receding gums. I cannot bear the water jet thing as it give me terrible nerve pain.

I'd agreed with the practice I'd be numbed for the cleaning, but she huffed and puffed and moaned. Did it. Then started cleaning and after a few teeth hit an un-numbed nerve. I leapt three feet in the air, and she just shouted at me 'look what you've done, you've made me cut myself, I'm going to have to do a blood test in case you've got a disease... etc'

I was shaken, and backed out apologising. Then came to my senses and submitted a complaint!

Dangermoo · 02/06/2025 22:28

herbaceous · 02/06/2025 22:22

Dental hygienists are a breed apart. Met a number of bizarrely rude and snippy specimens. One reason I haven't been to the dentist for years!

You did nothing wrong.

I had one years ago, who talked to me like shit, telling me I wasn't brushing my gums enough. I had a full volley of having myself to blame if my teeth went rotten. Nasty piece of work.

herbaceous · 02/06/2025 22:22

Dental hygienists are a breed apart. Met a number of bizarrely rude and snippy specimens. One reason I haven't been to the dentist for years!

You did nothing wrong.

Dangermoo · 02/06/2025 22:20

Salumthecat · 02/06/2025 22:17

She seemed to be under the impression that her daughter was one of the girls screaming. I think she took it that I was criticising her child and implying the dentist must have a terrible time being able to hear her child “playing”.

It's not as though you were making a nasty remark. Screaming goes right through you.

Salumthecat · 02/06/2025 22:20

Masmavi · 02/06/2025 22:17

Really, try to be more assertive (I don’t mean aggressive) and don’t apologise when you haven’t done anything wrong. You are the person being treated and your comfort takes priority. It’s that simple.

Thank you, that’s part of why I’m having therapy, I definitely have trouble asserting myself and I’m a complete pushover, I hate to think I’ve upset anybody but that usually ends up with my own feelings constantly getting brushed aside.

Hopefully things will improve, I’d love to be like the pp who said she’d have shouted “shut up” out of the window 😂.

OP posts:
myheadsjustmush · 02/06/2025 22:20

I'm with you on this one OP.

I have children, and I love to hear children laughing and playing.

High pitched screaming? No way.

I was shopping this morning, and there was a little darling of about 4 screaming at regular intervals - the high pitched, ear splitting scream type. She could be heard all over the supermarket.

The mum's response?

"Not everyone wants to listen to your sonic growl darling"

"Stop being a silly sausage "

Nan told said child to "Stop screaming now"

Child carried on, and let out an ear splitting scream just as I walked past them. It honestly hurt my ears. 😡

Fluffypussycat · 02/06/2025 22:20

Playing doesn’t have to be accompanied by full pelt screaming. The dental woman was very offhand with you and you were not singling out her daughter.

Masmavi · 02/06/2025 22:17

Really, try to be more assertive (I don’t mean aggressive) and don’t apologise when you haven’t done anything wrong. You are the person being treated and your comfort takes priority. It’s that simple.

Salumthecat · 02/06/2025 22:17

BendingSpoons · 02/06/2025 22:12

I have kids. I can't stand kids screaming! General noise and shouting ok, but screaming is annoying.

Regardless I don't know why the hygienist took offense and linked it to her DC. She should have just shut the window and not passed comment IMO.

She seemed to be under the impression that her daughter was one of the girls screaming. I think she took it that I was criticising her child and implying the dentist must have a terrible time being able to hear her child “playing”.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 02/06/2025 22:16

I also hate screaming kids. But I would have gone to the door and shouted across the road that they need to shut up

but that’s just me

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