To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

Exactly @BobbyBiscuits. Plus, they need to have a serious conversation about the scholarship funding. Her DD wanted to attend this school, the OP didn’t make her, and it would be so unfair if the OP is obliged to pay the scholarship. It’s possible that her DD doesn’t realize that this could happen if she leaves now.

Some people should be aware of how they come across to parents reading these threads who have children who struggle academically. Does that mean my child has no future and is destined for a terrible life. I came from an extremely hard working family who hadn’t been to uni and lived in council houses, our lives were full of love and fun. Yes life’s hard and easier with money and being educated but making out it’s the be all and end all is really sad. To the poster who suggested driving about social housing to show her her future, what a disgusting attitude!

I would let her but position it as a break to figure out the right direction before she completely burns out. I would focus on getting her an ADHD diagnosis or at least assessment and then let her deal with that or if it's not that then whatever comes from the conversations. There's so much more you can do if you've had the opportunity to explore work before going into higher education. There's also so much more support both in the workplace and education if you have a diagnosis.
I didn't get diagnosed till I was in my 30s and it was because I hit rock bottom from burnout. If you're seeing that she's just keeping her head above water, supporting her to recover needs to be priority and everything else come second. I wish I'd known that much earlier.

I personally would say if she wants to work in the pub full time, she needs to be dead serious about wanting a career in hospitality.

If she can move up to management she could have a decent career path. Is the pub part of a chain or brewery?
Do they do any training for staff to help them move up? If she's talented and passionate about hospitality then I'd let her give it a go.

Lots of people in that sector do start young. She could be managing a pub or venue by her early 20s. I know plenty of people like that.

Wow!!

@MaryGreenhill That’s why the OP needs to talk to her about her long term goals and how she’s going to achieve them. At this age, they need to take some responsibility for their futures. If, for example, she wants to work in hospitality management and will need a Maths qualification to do this, she needs to face this and figure out how to achieve it.

That’s our approach anyway. DH and I aren’t going to be blamed for all our kids’ choices!

Yes you should it’s her life, I was the exact same, no amount of support or guidance would have made me be able to focus at that age! I loved bar work and thrived, went to uni when I was much older! It’s not ideal but not everyone can follow the same path

Plenty of 16/17 year olds are not in education, no one even follows it up.

If they are not though, you are not meant to be claiming child benefit - another thing she might have to contribute to.

In the sixth form at BRIT they concentrate on their specialist strand and don’t generally have to study maths, English, science etc. Same as with any sixth form study. Exceptions are where they are retaking English or Maths GCSEs. They used to do the BTEC extended level 3 diploma in their chosen specialty, which is equivalent of 3 A levels but that doesn’t exist anymore so they do an equivalent but not sure exactly what. There is also the option to study for an A level alongside the main qualification, but this is only possible if you have a 7 or above at GCSE as it’s a heavy workload.

OP, I don’t know if you considered BRIT for your DD as she is obviously very talented at drama. I think this years application round is finished but she could consider applying for 2026 entry. It’s state but not sure how funding works with her being a bit older. I’m sure the BRIT admissions people could help with that.

DD left BRIT 6 years ago so I’m not completely up to date but I don’t think too much has changed.

Let her do what she likes OP . Be prepared to be blamed by her for you allowing her to ruin her life . That's the way it goes unfortunately 🙄

I have a degree and a PHD in a STEM subject, I'm very academic, but not business savvy at all, and not good with people, so I have never earned more than £43k. I live in the North, so it's been fine, DH (highest earning £63k, environmental engineer) and I, live in a nice 4-bedroom house etc. I could earn more if I moved to London and/or worked in finance but I'm happy here. Just making a point that getting lots of academic qualifications doesn't automatically give you megabucks. Your daughter will earn similar to me eventually I would guess, managing a large pub or something.

And of all my friends, the one who earned the most, left school at 18 after failing her A-levels, didn't go to uni. She got an entry level job in insurance, moved to the city, worked her way up, ran her own business alongside and retired in her early fifties a multi-millionaire.

I honestly think the pay for graduate jobs has eroded away over the years, especially now that we're awash with graduates, so there's not a huge difference between graduate and non-graduate jobs any more.

Correct

If she quits school then make it a condition that she needs to pay some of the scholarship back as actions have consequences.

If the pub are letting her work that many hours already then they may be breaking rules about working hours.

also I’ve known some pub jobs who are zero hours and then they don’t get hours when they turn 18 and need to be paid more

In fairness, working your way up through the pubs can give you a great career. Some companies, like wetherspoons, used to offer amazing opportunities, training etc.

It's not just pulling pints, it's stock management, cash management, staff management, customer services, advertising.

Get the gcse in maths as your deal breaker as that will probably be required in the future but under a good management team and the willingness to learn in on the job training, she could do really well.

Let her continue working and earning. For a person who tells herself she's a failure, doing well at a job she enjoys and gets her some money must be good for her self esteem and confidence.

Meanwhile, she needs to be in some education until she's 18.

Are there any training courses that might be more practical, more engaging for her? It's only a few months, really.

www.acas.org.uk/young-workers-and-work-experience

My DD, now 21, left in year 12 (against my wishes) to start an accounting apprenticeship. She hadn't had to sit her gcses due to covid lockdown and I think she found getting back into the swing of school very difficult. 18 months into the 2 year course she quit that too, I was livid! However, she went to work at a local pub and being totally honest I was devastated that she thought this was a sensible choice. 2 years on, she is assistant manager of a large pub, which is part of a small local chain, earning a similar wage to me and thriving!

Happy to stand corrected and it was the best choice she's made so far. I think if they are happy theyll do well and I hope to be more open minded with my younger 3 when it comes to career choices!

Edited to add: I was super academic and genuinely enjoy learning, so I think I struggled to understand how anyone could not be the same to start with.

I have a fairly academic group of friends, we all did A Levels and went to uni, expect for one. She very soon realized A Levels were not for her and left college. She has done fine in life! Had a number of jobs and progressed in life, and currently has a good job with above average pay.

Your DD can always go back ti studying if it feels right. I also had a friend who took a couple of years out between GCSE and A level which is quite unusual but she just couldn’t focus on studying at the time. She went on to get A levels, a degree and a Masters.

Maybe look at doing functional skills maths at college? My son struggled at GCSE and did this as an alternative. It's the equivalent of the GCSE qualification.

To be honest, if I were in the same position I would allow my child to work but on the agreement that they get their maths qualification, however that may be.
She has so many years ahead of her to decide what to do with her life and to go to college/uni. Maybe she just needs time to find herself.

I started working at 17 for Domino’s pizza ended up quitting college because I wasn’t engaged and would rather work. I went to college at 26 and graduated with a nursing degree at 31. Education doesn’t have to be linear and it’s something that can always be gone back too. Let her work and figure out what she wants from life.

You really can't force someone to learn. It's pointless. She's just not cut out for it.

If she enjoys hospitality she could do an apprenticeship or training. With Brexit there's a huge shortage of staff in hospitality so she could make a career of it.

It's more important that she has a job and is motivated by it that she can build a career in, than qualifications she has to struggle and suffer for.

Look at all the students who went to Uni, acquired a ton of debt and are no further on and can't get a job like the ond your daughter has walked into.

I hated school post 16, I was fed up, not engaged, and only went to make my parents happy. I was miserable and ended up dropping out 6 months before I finished 6th form. Spent a year working & saving then went travelling. Best thing I ever did tbh!

When I got back I did distance learning and got 2 A levels, then went on to study a vocational course at college a few years later, then went to uni as a mature student and now I have a degree in a subject I’m really passionate about.

I just wasn’t ready at the time and no amount of forcing me would have made it work. Let her figure out her own path, she’ll get there 😊

I would seriously consider looking into a diagnosis if you suspect she has ADHD and look into medication, if deemed appropriate. Even though school has been supportive, it doesn’t change neurodiversity and everything she does in life will be much harder if it goes untreated.

With ADHD, you can’t pick and choose what you can focus on.

Getting a diagnosis won’t be easy, and you may have to go private, but it will make a massive difference in her life.

As I and others have posted, YP aged 16-18 have to be in some kind of education or training. A job with an element of formal training (such as an apprenticeship) is fine; a job in a pub is not.

In practice as also mentioned, it is not followed up by anyone. But it is the case.

She can leave school. But still has to be in some form of education or training until she is 18. She can work a maximum of 20hrs/week whilst doing so.

OP, assuming that her scholarship isn't 100% of fees, then unless you give a whole term's notice of leaving school, you are likely still going to have to pay fees for the next term, even if DD isn't attending. And yes, likely have to pay the scholarship back as well.

She has to be in employment, education or training. If she’s working, she can leave 6th form.