To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

I left school worked in a bar and was a bar manager for years then studied at open university and now in a “professional job” pay is better but I miss bar work. There’s roles for everyone in society. Forcing people into education when they’re not enjoying it or focussed is pointless

It doesn't necessarily work like that, if she has initiative and is hardworking.

The endless focus on getting a degree at all costs is not helping young people. I've seen pictures of my plumbers house (and good for him)

Let her do it. She'll likely be in the hospitaltiy industry for the rest of her life though. She wont get anything else without qualifications, she may think its good now but when she's 35 and all she can do is be a barmaid she may regret it.

Agreed.

No-one in my immediate family has been to uni, I grew up on a Council estate. We are all hard working, have a reasonable standard living and want the best for our families.

The comment you quoted has to be one of the most offensive I have read on here! Good grief, and people wonder why Reform and other similar parties do well. If the holier-than- thou brigade will keep kicking the underdog, then one day it will bite back!

Agreed. Why would she regret leaving if it's not her strength? Thousands of people do well on alternative or late entry paths. Help her find a really interesting job she'd love to make into a career, let her work while she thinks about things.
And get her a tutor to pass her maths.

Many years ago, my DBro failed his A levels pretty spectacularly. He refused to resit and took up the trainee manager position he was offered in the pub/nightclub where he'd been working as a glass collector while in 6th form.

He has for decades earned 3-4 times what I ever did, degree and all. Forcing her to continue won't work OP and she will always have the option of doing further academic study/a degree later, if she wants.

If she is enjoying her work in the pub, would she be interested in some kind of apprenticeship in the hospitality industry if there is anything available?

There are certainly more possible steps in life than traditional A level pattern but it is useful to have some kind of idea of future options eg what promoted posts may be available to her in future.

My DS dropped out of his A level course and moved to a modern apprenticeship a few years back and it suited him, he found the work place to be really interesting whereas he was showing no interest in his college course. He’s still employed by the company where he started the apprenticeship scheme, was taken on permanently and has recently had a promotion.

Some of these responses are just shocking

So its likely that someone with ND cant manage or doesnt want to manage or doesnt suit the world of further education. How many times do we have to acknowledge that quite often those with ND are disadvantaged by being pigeon holed into 'education' because unlike in the old days, you dont find a lot of jobs around that ND people can connect with and flourish at or that unlike years ago you're expected to stick it out in education for more and more years than you used to. There are huge benefits to young people leaving school and getting jobs.

I also find it disturbing that according to some posters the solution to that might be to medicate her, that she will be 'better' on medication, ie medicate her so that she can engage with the world of FE even though she doesnt want to right now and thats not where her skills lie.

And then there are posts saying 'its ok, because she'll end up as a CEO or MD or high paid manager or high level member of staffing, running a pub, running a hotel' etc etc. Why is that the only thing that is 'ok'? Why does that have to be the likely future for it to be ok.

Shes clearly a worker, she likes it, its good for her, she has found something that matches her skill set and shes making good money for a young person of her age. She might find thats not her thing in a years time, she might want to stay right where she is, she might 'climb up the ladder' All of those things are ok.

What are we saying in society that we are so denigrating and dismissive of anything that isnt 6th form - university - gap year - nice middle class job steadily climbing the ladder?

Who do you think serves you in the restaurant, the pub, the shop, who empties your bins, mends the pot holes, cleans up in the hospital, answers the phone for your insurance company, any number of perfectly worthwhile and valuable jobs.

My DD dropped out of A levels to work in a café, she was really unhappy and they just weren’t for her, I knew that she had a work ethic and great communication skills from working in the café so I wasn’t really that bothered. I think she probably has undiagnosed ADHD, she’s good at doing things in front of her but not organising herself to study Why she couldn’t really see the point, she always just wanted to work. After a while she got an apprenticeship working in a health service and then decided she wanted to train to be a nurse, and through a foundation course she now works in A&E and she’s great at it.

Loads of people kept telling me it would ruin her life, but it didn’t, it was the making of her, just a little bit of space to work out what she really wanted to do and make her own decisions and not feel bad about herself all the time because she was failing really helped.

Might not be the right thing for your DD, but on the other hand it might be!

My niece started working as a glass collector and waitress at 16. At 25 she’d run her own pub with her partner as chef, and is now assistant manager for a higher end chain restaurant, and has been asked to work on the development of their new hotel offer. She did get A-levels, tried university but hated it, and has been basically independent since she was 18. It genuinely can be great if you work bloody hard and have initiative

Well yes it is her life, but OP has to fund it.

No way would I allow her to leave 6th form to work in a pub only. I would want her enrolled on some sort of hospitality course alongside that if that is her desired career. Also, you'd be better spending money on a private tutor specialising in getting people through GCSE maths than paying the private school fees. I think she ought to get maths GCSE as that can come back to bite.

My son quit college, he had a job cooking in a pub which he ended up preferring to education. He quit college, worked in the pub for a few months then decided to go to Cornwall with a friend. On day 4 after arriving there he had a fulltime job. He loves it, has been promoted a couple of times, earns more than me, surfs every day.

You can always go back to education. I went back to college at 21.

She sounds exactly like I was at her age, down to the schooling and leaving college to work in a pub.

i just didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life back then and looking back I had undiagnosed adhd. My school called my parents in multiple times before my GCSEs but revising was just no interest to me.

When I was 19 it clicked what I wanted to do. I went back to college after a few years working in my chosen career to be able to progress onto further university training. I’m now successful in my chosen career and have learnt to manage myself well ever since.

she may follow along this route or she may not. What I always remember is how supportive my parents were though I suspect they were pulling their hair out.

What does she actually want to do as a career? Does she have any aspirations for the future, or even an idea of how life might look (e.g. living in a city, or travelling, does she value money or happiness or working hours or travel opportunities)? Hospitality can pay quite well if she does it at a high level and the tips are good (sommeliers have a fab and interesting job for example), and hospitality can provide lots of travel opportunities too (bar work abroad for a few years might be really fun). I think speaking to her about what she wants long term will be better than focusing on the short term.
Once she knows what she wants long term, help her build stepping stones towards it - maybe it is 6th form but just 1 course, maybe it is work experience but somewhere else, maybe it is the pub for a year and then something else. She clearly has a good work ethic, it just needs focusing into a long term goal that she wants to achieve, and she probably can't see any long term advantage to doing 6th form right now (and if she's failing, she's probably right, a D in a drama A level isn't actually going to get her anywhere).
I'd also personally, charge rent if she quits school and works full time , even if you keep it and save it for her because she needs to understand that the money isn't for her to just do what she wants with in life.

I think teens are expected to make future-shaping decisions when they are simply too young to understand the implications. Their brain and cognition isn't fully developed and they've hardly any experience of 'real life'.
I'd be inclined to allow her a 'gap year'. She's clearly not lazy and is a hard worker in the right environment. Let her build up a few quid but get her to realise that if there is something she wants to study/qualify for, she will need to make a decision within the year so she can take advantage of free education. There's also the option of part time courses at a college.

Is your daughter studying for her A levels? If she scraped through her GCSE'S, then A levels are much more difficult. Would a Vocational qualification be better? Not everyone is academic, and some youngsters thrive studying Vocational qualifications. If she enjoys her work in the pub, what about a Hospitality Vocational qualification? A local college may be more suitable, rather than 6th Form. I am sure there's something out there for her.

It’ll increase dramatically if she joins Wetherspoons, shows how good she is and ends up as MD in her thirties. Much less emphasis on academic qualifications in hospitality, much more on graft and personality.

Could she go to college and do a hospitality nvq if she has an interest in that area. It’s a very practical based qualification and she could use her work as her placement experience if she wants to

It's a tough one. Letting her stay on to fail miserably may reinforce an opinion of failure, whereas leaving halfway through is a different outcome; she hasn't failed, but instead chose to leave.

I did the same at 17, left college, and went into the world of work, fell into self-employment, then into a relatively well-paid office job 10 years later. I also failed maths 26 years ago. Thankfully, no job has required it, but I redid my maths GCSE a few years ago as I could get the course for free. My whole attitude to learning is chalk and cheese compared to what a 15/16-year-old me would and did do. And that only sometimes comes with experience and age, sadly

Personally, I'd push her more to complete her two years at college/sixth, Bar jobs are going to be around a lot longer than free education.

What's the advantage to her taking an apprenticeship ( at slave wages) rather than being paid to do a job she's obviously good at and enjoys?

I'm a fan of the tough love approach. She's done really well to get a scholarship to a school that should give her a huge opportunity and the facilities to learn drama to a high standard. She is taking the piss and wasting an opportunity that another child would have been thrilled to exploit.

If she leaves or is invited to leave when her summer exam results come in - then in the first instance I'd be laying down some ground rules. Market rent for one, paying back the scholarship on top. Life is not a free ride. £1200 must feel like a lot of cash when everything in your life is free.

As it's a private school, have you approached them about having her assessed for ADHD? There's some basic testing they can do and she could be independently assessed. Most provide a decent SEN team though who could support her with study techniques etc. There's also the option of medication if she has a diagnosis which could give her some focus. It's been life changing for a friends child. She has a low dose of Ritalin or something similar with breakfast on a school day and it gets her through to early afternoon before the focus starts to wear off.

Lots of social housing is really good quality these days with long waiting lists. It's also affordable and out of reach for a lot of people who don't qualify for it.

Interesting I read your OP and I immediately went to ADHD. I have it and school was torture for me. One of the best days of my life was the day I left school and knew I'd never have to go back again.

I did go to college but it was a much more relaxed atmosphere with far more autonomy.

She needs to pay back the scholarship from her wages. Another child who would benefit from the school place will be pleased for the opportunity.

I think you should let her. My son was offered full time at his part time job while he was struggling with A levels. He never looked back.

i think that you are blinded that it is in a pub and not the best choice for a career. Hospitality is a growing industry and could lead
to lots of opportunities. She is young and has a world of choice ahead of her with regard to training and work. Let her have her way with this and see if you can guide her down the apprenticeship route.