To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

@Kath89 Well yes, you want them to be happy, but if they find themselves unable to pay their bills in a few years, they probably won't be. The OP's DD needs some sort of plan.

My motto is as long as they are happy xx

If she does drop out to go full time, perhaps she could work her way up? Do they have supervisors/managers at her pub? The money is probably appealing to her more than study, I remember putting more effort into my weekend Primark job at times than I did my A Levels because of the money, although I had to do my A Levels too!

You may have to just let her do what she wants OP.

it may not end up being a total disaster.

there’s no way that you’d have got me doing A levels or going to uni at your dds age. I left school at 16 and worked. Then went to college at 18 but fell pregnant and dropped out immediately. Ok, that all sounds kind of bleak, but really it isn’t.

i worked hard. Brought a house at 20 did a degree in my 30s and now have a professional career. I just needed to do things in my own time and way. I also never got an English GCSE but did functional skills as an adult which was enough to get into uni where I got first class honours. Not doing classically well at this age isn’t always the end of the world. Maybe she just needs to work for a few years to figure herself out.

she Has got GCSEs though, OP says she scraped through her gcse’s but failed maths. I know someone who failed their maths as well and had good jobs through connections and then went to night school to retake her maths and then the following year do an evening course to become a teacher. She’s in her early 40’s and to be honest I think the vast majority are in jobs because they’ve fallen into them rather than specifically chosen. I think that knowledge only comes later with experience.

A high level of support doesn’t treat ADHD, she may need medication to help her concentrate, make her feel like she’s not constantly failing, and help her not lose interest in things (which is classic ADHD). If she leaves to do the pub job, she’ll probably lose interest in that.

She needs an assessment so you can rule that out being the issue (or treat if it is ADHD) before making huge life decisions.that may make her life worse in the longer term

Can you afford a private assessment? NHS will take far too long at this stage. I would be pushing that rather than just having in college for something that is likely just the next temporary thing to hold her interest.

Fair enough but you implied if she chooses this path she won’t do much else

It may be the answer to let your DD work and then go back to training later. You cannot make her stay in school
.
I am a firm believer in part time jobs but my DD has ADHD and I know the job would become her whole focus, to the detriment of school

I told OP to let her DD do it. I never said to force her into education. Maybe read what I wrote again

Well you will have brought up children with equally disgusting views good on you 👍🏼

I absolutely will.

I didn’t grow up in social housing. I grew up in a place I would never subject myself or my children to. When I grew older I found my experience was not unique. Poor people live in housing that they have no choice over. I’m talking mouldy, structurally falling apart, dusty & dirty (because it’s falling apart). I knew a lady who worked in real estate who witnessed people living in properties that had no internal water source. I’ve heard of people living in corrugated iron shacks with holes in the walls and furniture completely dilapidated.

3 options

1. stay in school and knuckle down
2. quit and work full time (rent/board/bills will be x per month)
3. alternative training or vocational qualification - bed/board reduced/waived if she attends and commits.

I left school and college with no maths gcse (school wouldn't teach me, and college just did basic life skills maths, and managed to get into the civil service aged 19. I however did have English GCSE which I resat during college. I re-took a GCSE maths course later in life and got a grade C.
If she's struggling academically, maybe just let her work full time at the pub and do a part time college course for english and maths?

Make it clear to her that if she leaves SHE will have to pay the scholarship back. This is part of being an adult and is probably the best deterrent you've got.

Good points have been made already about whether she will be replaced by a younger model and explaining to her how much she will need to earn to support herself.

So what do they do, put the kid in prison for a year? What this means in practice is that the 16/17 year old can’t claim any benefits. You can’t compel young adults to stay at school.

Times have changed eh, when ‘being an actor’ is the career she must not abandon for any reason, while ‘working in hospitality’ is the devil’s bath water…

She obviously has a talent for hospo work, which is (actually) rare. While the pp who said the pub will likely give her hours to the next minimum wage place is likely right, not everywhere is like that. I would encourage her to research bigger companies, other college courses, apprentices etc and, if she can come up with a workable plan to develop herself and her skills, let her leave. She’s 17, she’s old enough to both know her own mind and to make a few mistakes along the way.

You’re going to have to pay the scholarship back anyway, because another year of this is untenable. In fact, she needs to pay the scholarship back, she can do that from the pub earnings. That should be a condition.

I would probably react as you have done because I want more for my daughter.

But I also think sometimes kids at that age (particularly where there is possible neurodiversity) are so drained from the constant treadmill of exams and revision that a couple of years doing something completely unrelated, but where there's also a level of responsibility, is quite character building.

You're right that working in a pub is probably not the ideal solution for the rest of her life but it may be right for now. I would bet after a couple of years she may be much more keen to restart education anyway.

Getting the end of school exams, be it academic or technical, opens doors. She can work in the pub in a years time - 30weeks of schooling more or less with qualifications. You’ve done fine but things are tougher now as you really need the basic level evidence of schooling. If she drops out, soon she’ll be up against those with gcse math etc. It’s easier now to get the basic exams passed than doing it all later. I’ve a friend who went to night school to get the exams that she’d walked away from years ago. It was tough but she did it. It won’t help with jobs because she’s near retirement - it’s because she always felt lacking.

I’d let her drop out of sixth form but with some conditions - if she’s working full time, she must pay you rent and contribute (you can decide what you do with that - I know some parents ultimately end up putting it in a savings account), and in one years time she has to be enrolled in some sort of educational course?

Agree with others on here that the attitudes are disgusting! Exams are NOT the b all and end all in life. Yes they can open doors but even now opportunities exist for those without based on connections, personality, hard work. Not every job in the universe is picked by a CV.
education is something that can be picked up at any point in life if she decides she does want to pursue it but to force her through it now will achieve absolutely nothing. You can possibly make her attend but you can’t force her to pass and she’ll likely be extremely miserable in the meantime.
people need to take a good look at themselves world around them. Some of the world’s most “successful” (hate that word because what is success, a happy child living a full and enriched life is my measure of success not the numbers on a wage slip or the job title!) people left school at her age or younger Alan Sugar, Richard Branson, Simon Cowell, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Jamie Oliver and even John Major!
I left school at 16 (I’m 52), my husband did A levels and he’s 47. Both of us have done ok in life without having dozens of qualifications because we’ve earned opportunities.
I would sit down with her and by all means put across your concerns but if she’s set on this course then discuss how you move forward with her starting to pay her way.

Ok, I didn't realise that.

But my DS was not in anything between 17 and 19 and apart from a couple of sessions with a life coach from a service funded by the local council, we had no contact from anyone.

To be fair, a chunk of that time was during various lockdowns, but I got the distinct impression that there was no framework in place to compel a 17/18 year old into college or an apprenticeship.

Could you show her what your household income is after tax and all the bills, and show her what even a small flat would cost her to run

@Createausername1970 it's changed in recent years you can now only leave school at 16 for a proper apprenticeship not just any minimum wage job. Apprenticeship usually have college on Fridays for those who haven't yet got maths or English gcse

I would help her look for an apprenticeship to do with catering