‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

@3ormorecharactersshe also dragged the newlyweds to the mausoleum at Frogmore to get Albert’s blessing.

Our kids are all grown up, and we have wills that protect their inheritance should one or other of us remarry in the event of the other dying. I wouldn't care if DH married again after I die if he wants to, I think he is better off being with someone than without. Although he says he wouldn't want to.

I’ve (probably selfishly) told my husband I wouldn’t want him to find someone else after I’d gone, but also that I’d never want anyone else if something were to happen to him. He’s all I ever want, the love of my life and I know I’d never find anyone else like him.

I guess I’m in the minority in feeling this way but hey-ho!

I would not mention this topic to dh. It is not worth discussing because it is not in my gift to stop him from moving on.

But I will ensure that the children get a decent share in my will so that it passes to them directly and not left to dh for him to divert away to his new partner/family.

My loyalty lies with the dcs, not with dh (who will get enough to live on in my will, of course). Sounds harsh but my eyes are wide open on this topic.

No, I wouldn’t want DH to remarry and I wouldn’t either. He can feel free to have a girlfriend but (obviously divorce is different) I think you should only have one wife or husband. I don’t understand why people would get remarried. I also wouldn’t want a blended family or step siblings for my DD.

Of course, I’ll be dead and have zero control, but how I feel right now about him remarrying? I want him to be happy and loved, always. The idea of this happening without a “reasonable amount” of grief, makes me feel instantly replaceable. I know my husband and he wouldn’t want to live alone, and I don’t blame him. Personally I could and probably would live alone happily, he’s a different kind of personality.
Even though I’d be dead, I still would hate him to find anyone else too quickly. Apart from anything else, I know that would hurt my sister, and my mum immensely.
However, how long is “too” quickly? I joke with him that I need two years from him after I die. That’s probably extreme, but less than a year, I know would hurt my birth family and my female friends and I feel make a mockery of what I feel we have shared for the last 30 years.

I think it's wrong to give the same rights to cohabiting couple as it removes choice. Want/need those rights? Get married. Don't want them? Don't. It's really sad that people who want to keep their assets separate are denied the opportunity to live together.

ETA civil partnership equally an option

if my OH died before me, I wouldn’t get married again, nor have another relationship to be quite honest.

For my OH, as long as they’re happy, I’m ok with that.

I don't think it matters what you agree. FIL, married for 50 years was on with MIL's best friend within months & remarried very quickly. He's changed his will, too. So MIL's instructions

Seeing it unfold & MIL never even mentioned made me realise DH, despite protestations, would remarry quickly for company & child care, and what you plan for doesn't matter. I've made DH promise, and will be altering our wills legally, that a set amount of insurance money is to go into trust for D C immediately as they likely won't get any inheritance from him (he's too lazy to deal with for himself).

I would never live with a man again as here, that can carry the same rights as marriage after a time.

New relationship - fine.
Give my money to the new wife instead of the kids - not fine.
But we’re both in agreement on that. Everything we have will go to our children.

In truth, I don’t think I’d bother trying to meet someone. I’d be perfectly happy with animals for company.

I've always said that I hoped he'd meet someone. But I did ban him from getting back with a couple of monstrous, manipulative exes as I thought they'd be horrible stepmums to DC.

DH is autistic and can be very naive when it comes to personal relationships. He stayed friends with his exes but they were real users.

My MIL lost her husband when she was in her 50’s, quite a few years later she got a male companion, my BIL’s already knew him and my husband sort of knew him, he was so different from her late husband, but the whole family welcomed him, he unfortunately passed away and MIL hasn’t been the same since as she lost her best friend & companion

Had this conversation recently and I'd want dh to find love again, but I'd still want him scattered with me when his time comes. She can of course join us if she wants to, but I don't want my ashes to be on their own for all time . Odd conversation

Life is for the living, I feel.
Can't imagine inviting anyone else into my life while the kids are growing up though.

Nah we're very happy, but neither of us thinks we would want to marry again. More for DD than anything else but mostly cos we both find other people in our space hard work, and found that the exception to that rule was each other.

Not moving another person into my space.

Exactly, and I still can't see what benefit marriage would bring over cohabitation in a later relationship. Why complicate things? I wouldn't have dreamed of having kids with my DH without being married but in a later relationship without kids it would not bring me any benefit but would carry risks so why do it?

Reminds me of the couple having a heart to heart on their anniversary. If I died, would you ever marry again? asks the husband.

Well, I do love being married, says the wife. And I'd be so lonely without you. So I think maybe I would.

Would you let him move into this house? Says the DH.

Well I love this house, it's everything to me. So why not? Says DW.

And my car? Says DH. Would you let him drive that?

Well... I mean it's fully paid off and it would be a shame to get rid of it says the DW. So yes I suppose so.

What about my golf clubs? Would you let him use those?

Oh no, she says. He's left handed!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I remember watching a film in the 80’s/90’s. About a mum who knew she had terminal cancer. She looked for a new wife for her husband to be a mother to her children. Her husband even slept with the new woman with her blessing before her death. wa really sad

Yes, it seems to have disappeared. I’m not sure why 😗.

I've told DH he can't move a new person into DDs home and he's said the same to me, but neither of us would anyway.

I didn't want to get married before I met him, I can't imagine I'll particularly want anyone else in my space that much if he was gone.

In that scenario, I'd be happy with one of those part time relationships there's a thread going on a out at the moment, where the OP thinks her friend needs higher standards cos they meet every so often for sex and sometimes go away.

Funnily enough I asked my husband about this recently, and he said he would never marry again. I was touched, and asked if it was because he loves me so much. He said, “I already had a wedding, I’m not bothering with another one.”

Same. He can shack up with whoever he likes but he can't marry them, especially if they've got kids of their own.
Could fuck up my kids' inheritance big time, I've seen it happen.
Yes, i know it could be protected legally via ironclad wills but at the end of the day, a marriage invalidates a previous will and a determined new partner could exert influence. Better to stay happily unmarried.

Like PP, I'd have no problem with DH remarrying, provided our joint children inherited our joint wealth.

Single but I wouldnt have a problem if I passed and partner moved on, why would I?

That said I used to be friends with a woman who was like this, she said that if her husband married again it would be the same as him cheating on her. He made a joke once about marrying a rich widow if she went first and she went INSANE. Screaming and shouting about him being disloyal, obviously not loving her, cheating etc

But she was fucking crazy in other ways too.....

I wouldn't want to inflict years of loneliness onto my husband after my death. That doesn't sound like love to me.

If practical considerations are a motivator, there are steps you can take. But holding someone to such a promise seems very cruel in my opinion.