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AIBU?

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Original poster

Future SIL annoyed she didn’t get to help Future DH choose my engagement ring

39 replies

Nerlin9812 · 02/06/2025 18:25

Advice please.
lots of backstory here with other things that have concerned me with her behaviour but future SIL isn’t happy my partner didn’t let her help choose my recent engagement ring. He chose it himself and it’s really lovely. We had a very low key engagement in that we discussed it first but did not announce it as those do on social media’s for attention but told friends and family afterwards. She has now accused of doing it all behind the families back. Absolutely not our intention ( we are older ) AIBU or is this seriously nuts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nerlin9812 · 02/06/2025 18:44

He’s tried to put boundaries in and she goes nuts accusing me of taking him off his family and turning everything back on him. She doesn’t understand that she is the problem. We have some talking to do don’t we!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nerlin9812 · 02/06/2025 18:42

Summerhillsquare · 02/06/2025 18:28

"It's lovely that you are keen but we like doing things our own low key way". Rinse and repeat.

Some brilliant answers here Thankyou I was starting to think I was going nuts 😂

OP posts:
littlemissprosseco · 02/06/2025 18:41

Sounds like he’s enmeshed. You need to talk and put proper boundaries in place, including with his parents. Especially as you’ve said she’s the golden child.
I ignored this type of relationship. I do wonder what life would have been like if I’d married someone else

Original poster
Nerlin9812 · 02/06/2025 18:39

His sorry she is married with three children but fiancé thinks she isn’t happy .

OP posts:
Original poster
Nerlin9812 · 02/06/2025 18:37

Fiance had told me she is over protective but I see it as controlling. He laughed off the engagement ring saying she was joking so I left it at that but he is now not happy over the engagement announcement interference as he wants a small wedding and suggested we elope which I didn’t understand but now do if she’s like this. She’s always asking incessant questions about what house we are buying and do we think we want kids as we’re older and probably too old now. We aren’t , we are late thirties / early forties . She has also accused me of taking him off her and isolating him which isn’t true and he agrees with. He’s more concerned with uosetting his parents as she is very spoilt and the golden child although always got money problems which they have all bailed her out of, fiance included in the past. I love him very much, this whole thing is making me feel so so uncomfortable x

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 02/06/2025 18:36

Speakingofdinosaurs · 02/06/2025 18:35

I’d be so proud if my fiancé chose a ring totally on his own that I really loved.
Conversely I’d feel my ring was tainted if someone whose behaviour had concerned me & who I possibly didn’t get on with, had influenced the choosing of my ring.
It’s ridiculous of her to accuse you of ‘doing it behind backs’ because duh yes! that’s what low key is all about.
She is seriously nuts and wants to be too involved in your relationship - it’s none of her business and she needs to keep her beak out.

agree, it means more that he chose it, I'd feel disappointed if he couldn't do this one thing for me

a lifetime of her op - as long as dh is strong enough to put her in her place

Speakingofdinosaurs · 02/06/2025 18:35

I’d be so proud if my fiancé chose a ring totally on his own that I really loved.
Conversely I’d feel my ring was tainted if someone whose behaviour had concerned me & who I possibly didn’t get on with, had influenced the choosing of my ring.
It’s ridiculous of her to accuse you of ‘doing it behind backs’ because duh yes! that’s what low key is all about.
She is seriously nuts and wants to be too involved in your relationship - it’s none of her business and she needs to keep her beak out.

RandomMess · 02/06/2025 18:34

Is she married, did her brother choose her engagement ring?

Painrelief · 02/06/2025 18:32

It’s a good job really , can you imagine the wedding ? She would think she could plan it all for you . Least this has put down a boundary from the off and she doesn’t like it but tough . Don’t let her have a say on the wedding either .

ginasevern · 02/06/2025 18:29

Yes, she's nuts. But more importantly what does your fiance say about it. Does he think it's bonkers or is he ever so slightly inclined to agree. Is he likely to "tow the family line" in the future because if so I should run whilst you can.

Summerhillsquare · 02/06/2025 18:28

"It's lovely that you are keen but we like doing things our own low key way". Rinse and repeat.

Ilikewinter · 02/06/2025 18:28

Cheeky cow, it's nothing to do with her. How well do yiu know her - this could be a red flag for the future, maybe she'll want consulting on if,** or when you should have kids!

shellyleppard · 02/06/2025 18:26

Surely its nothing to do with your future sil what ring your intended chose??

littlemissprosseco · 02/06/2025 18:26

Ignore her. I assume your dp agrees with you?

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