Dilemma over whether to tell friend about her boyfriends comments

Why am I not surprised
How has the “best friend’s” relationship with her fiancé panned out ? Did they marry ?

My daughter told her best friend that said friend's fiancé was coming on to her and that was the end of their friendship.

I wouldn’t tell her. Chances are she won’t hear it and at worse she might somehow blame it on you. Just be there to support her once she sees this joker for who he is.

How is he getting chance to say these things to you? Are they face to face or over text or what?

He sounds like a prick. I know us women are conditioned to ‘be kind’ even when we are being perved over but you NEED to be more forceful with him and threaten to tell your friend. Although he may say you’re lying if he’s said these comments in person.

Im on the fence over whether or not to tell her

What does the op only telling him to go away achieve? Her friend won’t know the type of man she’s with.

Good advice from @treesandsun

I'm assuming that most of the time you see him your friend is there. Next time he says something I would loudly reply fuck off - loud enough for your friend to hear. When she ask you why you said it - tell her and let him tell her he was just 'joking'.and then say you are sick of his 'repeated' jokes.

I wouldn't tell her in a I've got something to tell you kind of way and when he's not there because I think he could easily and would try t twist it to try and make it look like you are stirring/ or fancy him.

I think you have to tell your friend. The timing is TERRIBLE, but if he's saying these things to you, he's clearly not going to be mature enough to support her during hard times. He’s also likely saying similar to other people - if he’s brazen enough to say it to her close friends, what’s he saying to random women who dont know her?!

Sadly I think this will be the outcome.

No it isn't

Op needs to be telling this man to fuck right off, not giving him chances to make comments over again. Her friend is busy dealing with something so tough, she doesn't need to deal with this situation which can be attempted to be nipped in the bud with a strong 'fuck off you loser'.

Op explained that she'd confided in one friend, not lots, which I thought i'd read.

That is very unreasonable

The OP needs to be more forceful, but it’s not her fault that creep boy is creeping, it’s his.

Asking a mutual friend what to do about creep boy is not gossiping, it’s asking for an opinion on a specific issue. The OP does not sound like the most confident person, and some women do insist they want to know regardless, so it’s not unreasonable to check in with someone else.

I'd simply say that a joke is a joke when it's funny, and this isn't. One more wisecrack like that and you'll tell your mate everything he's said, in all its detail. With a now fuck off, you overgrown child, at the end.

I think you need to tell him much more strongly to shut the fuck up.

Avoid being alone with him and if you are and he makes one more comment bollock him from a height.

Right now it may be that she doesn’t need to know given her mum’s illness. Given you will be telling him to shut the fuck up you can tell her later than you had to put a stop to his creepiness last year etc.

I would tell him loudly to go fuck himself if he speaks to you like that again. Don't tell your friend, she's got enough on her plate.

Well, whether you tell her or not, from now on avoid being alone with him so he doesn’t have the opportunity to be such a creep.

So he's another waste of space boyfriend, your friend's been helping her DM for a year and he feels neglected, he thinks he'll turn your head and you'll be his bit on the side. If this is the loyalty he shows her now he's going to be a lousy DH or DF, I'd tell her Op, he's not joking, he's a creep and your friend deserves much, much better

Don't tell her OP it will be twisted that it's you are after him and jealous and are trying to steal him off her .

I would tell her something like "I know you've got a lot on your plate, and I'd hate to see things get worse for you so I've decided to say something. I think you should know that on a number of occasions Jake has said stuff to me that, if our roles were reversed, you'd be upset to be on the receiving end of - and worried for me. I've grappled with whether to tell you or not, and have concluded that if I were you I'd want to know if my boyfriend were behaving like this behind my back. I wish I didn't have to be the messenger, and honestly I wish he'd have just stopped the first time I asked him to. Obviously it's totally up to you what you do about this, if you do anything at all - but I need a clear conscience so had to tell you. I feel so bad for you that he's done this to you".

Basically, take no responsibility for any of this....because you're not responsible for any of it. He is the one saying this stuff, and "just a joke" is just saying words to end a conversation/put a stop to you telling him what you're seeing. It's none of it anything to do with you, and she will decide how to progress in her relationship.

Next time I would tell him that he has one more chance and you’ll be telling your friend. And do it.

Why haven't you just blocked him?

You've clearly engaged with him, I suspect you are now backtracking and feeling guilty.

This! I do t understand why you haven’t told him to fuck off and that if he says one more word to you you are telling his girlfriend what a creep he is. Why are you prolonging the drama of it all

Everyone is different of course but I would 100% want to know if my boyfriend was hitting on my friend and presumably hoping to sleep with her, whilst I was too busy being distracted caring for my ill mother.

If you dont tell her your other mate will

This.

I wouldn't drag your friend into it to be honest.

I'm sure you're perfectly capable of telling this utter creep to fuck right off and make sure he knows you mean it.

When you've done that he'll probably drag her into it by telling her you've been horrible to him.

Then you can tell her why.