Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

As I said earlier this is all very familiar, very sure the Op has name changed for the last couple of threads.

Just in case it hasn't already been said - I haven't read the whole thread but I have read all OP's posts- your DP needs to make a homeless application to his council.

The boyfriend needs social called on him. He's essentially kidnapped his child and took him away from any stability. He's not attending school and he's being left at home with Daddy's next girlfriend. He has no money and no way to provide for his child other than expecting his latest partner to look after and provide for him. It's all fine and well saying she can't kick him out cos he hasn't got any money. It's commendable that she doesn't want to see his innocent child homeless as this is probably what that abusive piece of shit has drummed into her if she dares to ask him to leave. His son has a home and needs to go home to his mum and regain some stability instead of being dragged around with nowhere to call home

The thread is quite fast paced so I think a lot of people missed it.

I’m so sorry you went through that as a child.

@CoralOP wrong! I changed my advice when I discovered that this man is a violent abuser, so therefore it's not usually safe to confront him, better to safety plan and get proper advice.

May I also say that your post takes the absolute piss. I was already pretty disheartened by the number of people calling a victim of abuse "broken", but the fact you've said she "thrives" on being abuse and painted a whole picture of the sort of woman you think might "thrive" from being abused based on a while host of stereotypes... Well that says a lot about you.

Learn about trauma. Learn about multiple disadvantage. Learn about how women come to be abused. At least try and understand a fraction of what you're on about before attacking abuse victims on the internet - please!

No i didn’t see that, i apologise. I was a young child who spent my early years in a violent home. My mum was terrified of my ‘dad’ and understood it is not easy ‘to just leave’. Really hope you get the help you need OP, this is a horrific situation to be in.

Reading the updates im worried that now she's let him back in he will be violent again if she takes steps to kick him out.

OP I hope you know he could kill you. You need to call your IDVA and womens aid and get an emergency exit plan out of this relationship.

You can't love someone into not being abusive. The "i can fix him" mentality is toxic and you're falling for it hook line and sinker. Take a step back, please and realise he has already abused you. He could kill you. Your life is worth more than this waste of space vermin.

The OP has her own business and works full time.

If they are out of the house, do not let them back in again.

He can go to a hotel for the night if nothing else, or go back to his ex.

You are much better off with him at his ex than in your house.

It’s fine everyone saying tell him to go and I’m allowing myself to be used. But WHERE can he go? He doesn’t have money.

He can go back to his son’s mother - isn’t that where he is now? He has somewhere to go -

OP sorry you are being a mug!!! Protect that dog at all costs! This is not fair on him. Time to use your voice and get them out!! Partner sounds a knob, sorry.

How dare he scream at you in your own house! And bring his son without asking (though god knows why you haven’t argued this with him already). He is using you sorry.

You sound lovely, and he sounds like an irresponsible prick, and just abusing your nice new house. Tomorrow, you are telling them to leave now!!!!

I am not saying this to sound awful but I feel like as soon as DV issues have been raised everyone has pictured OP as a poor fragile victim when originally everyone was very frustrated and baffled by her.
Which of course she is a victim but by the content of her previous posts, trying for a baby with this man, not really caring about the young child, not seeing anything wrong with trying for a baby with a violent, jobless father of 8 who beat her, seems quite childish etc I can't help but think she comes from a very dysfunctional background and dare I say thrives from it all.
I might be completely wrong but I picture them both not working, drink, drugs possibly, a home where children are dragged up, a lifetime of chaotic behaviour.
This doesn't change the fact she needs to leave obviously but I imagine she has lead a very different life to most of us. I see people like this is my town and just think what must your life be like but they are oblivious that there are different lives out there.

Sorry OP if I'm completely wrong, it's just hard to relate to how you think and this is the picture I get of you. I've known people who have went through DV and they wouldn't bring kids into this situation or ignore all this advice because they know it isn't right.
If its true then know that there's so many people thriving and living safe and happy lives without all this chaos and you can too if you want to.

For goodness sake. Do you really have to ask if you're being unreasonable?? He's taking the piss. Why on earth would you put up with this?

Do you think she has not had much support on here? We seem to be up to page 30 of caring, concerned, supportive messages, and OP has taken no notice of any of it.

Posters are frustrated.

The child needs to go back home to Mum and to school. He’s compulsory school age. If he wants to move in with his Sad then it needs to be done in an orderly fashion. This means your boyfriend finding his own home, the mother agreeing to the new living arrangements and a new school being found. Realistically. We’re looking at September due to school summer holidays. You can offer to have him to stay every other weekend until his Dad finds a home to facilitate contact, but only if they both understand that he doesn’t get to stay beyond the Sunday evening.

Maybe Google "how to support someone experiencing abuse"? I doubt "shame them and make them feel like shit for it" is on the list.

Sorry but you’re not protecting your dog if he’s running and jumping with a torn cruciate ligament.

The op is not ready she needs to mature. She won't listen. She has to be ready to face reality and the abuse. This is not love the op is a broken woman and she doesn't even know it.

Have you read the latest update?

The one where she tells us that this man is actually her abusive ex, the same ex that beat her so badly she miscarried.

She may just want to vent but posters are very concerned for her safety.

Feelinglost10 · Today 19:28

It’s fine everyone saying tell him to go and I’m allowing myself to be used. But WHERE can he go? He doesn’t have money.

Oh FFS, woman! Not your circus, not your monkeys. It's his problem not yours, don't make it yours, you'll get no thanks off him. Kick him to the kerb, you might not deserve better but your poor dog certainly does.

You’re all telling OP to kick them out but you’re not listening, i think ( correct me if im wrong) she wants him and doesn’t mind the kid occasionally but not them full time in her house!! She wants to vent about the situation here because she’s so overwhelmed that this has actually happened. So any advice is pointless. .

What do you think would be effective? She seems determined to justify staying with him because she "loves" him - the man who beat her up so that she lost a pregnancy, and now screams abuse at her.
She needs a self-worth and self-respect transpant, but what can anyone do?

Good example, and I’m follow your lead.

I'm unwatching this thread, it's a waste of my time. OP posts, gets dozens of responses, responds but I love him etc etc etc ... Feels like OP just wants to hear Oh No Poor You, not helpful advice.

OP - My house is on fire! - Mumsnet = call the fire brigade.
OP - But my furniture is burning - Mumsnet = have you called the fire brigade?
OP - I'm going to lose everything - Mumsnet = are the fire brigade there?
OP - I don't know what to do - Mumsnet = that's what the fire brigade are for.
OP - But it's not that simple - Mumsnet = throws hands up in the air and leaves the OP to try and figure out the guy is a user and your life will always be drama if you stay with him