Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

Kick him out and do it now and I say that as a mum of 5DC and 2 of my DC are autistic and not in a million years would I have expected to move my child with extra needs into someone else's home,he's being an idiot and the cheek to raise his voice to you when you tried to speak to him about it is abusive and unforgivable.

So your BF has just decided to keep his son from the son's mother??? Because his son 'didn't want to go back?' What the hell kind of parenting is that?

Your BF saw you coming, OP. Get him out, but don't blame his son for this. Blame the feckless and unpleasant man who is currently keeping a child from its mother.

You’re going to split up. It is probably worth doing it sooner rather than later. Being screamed at is horrible, but what he has said to you is not wrong, is it? Your DP cannot put your needs ahead of his child’s, so you have to decide to do it for yourself. He will need to find a place for himself and his son and move out sharpish. You can’t live like this, and it is not going to get better. What you have written is very clear and I think you already know what you need (are going) to do.

It’s very hard, though, and I feel very sorry for you being in this situation and having to make this decision. I hope you don’t get hate for it as you seem to know yourself well and know what you need. It will be better for everyone to be decisive now and make the break.

(And I nearly always suggest that people work at things and that love conquers all. Not here, it won’t. It’s not fair on you or your partner or the child to live in wishful thinking until you have all suffered more. Make the break. There will be another life, another love. Your partner can concentrate on building a home for his child.)

As always, the problem is with your partner.

A 6 year old autistic child, uprooted to a strange place, new house, with an adult he does not know well, is going to be in a lot of emotional distress and of course that affects behaviour.

Nobody sane or reasonable would just assume that a girlfriend should be fine with becoming a co-parent without any discussion or planning, especially to a child with higher than average needs.

I would strongly suspect that he was planning for a long time to live with you and have you take over the donkeys work of raising his child.

Tell him that the relationship is not working, and they both need to leave immediately.

Would you feel safe saying that to him? The fact that he has screamed at you is concerning. Do you have a friend (preferably male and muscular!) who can be there when you tell him, and oversee him packing up and moving out?

He screamed at you?

I agree, he needs to leave with the child. You never agreed to it and even if you had, you have a right to change your mind and ask him to leave and take his son with him. If he screams at you again, call 999 and ask the police to remove him.

Is being screamed at normal for you ?

Bin this relationship and avoid men with children; you're not cut out to be a step mother. Your partner is a cheeky fucker and a user.

Tell him to leave. It's your house.

Equally this doesn't sound like the right relationship for you. When you're with someone who already has kids there is always the possibility that your partner, as a parent, will need or want to be the one to house their child/children. If living with your partner at any point in the future is important to you but you don't want to potentially live with his child then just end the relationship.

Yanbu - because you don't have to be in a relationship you don't want to be in

But you don't get a relationship with this guy without his son. Even though this not sending him back is extremely worrying

How dare he move his son in with you ! How did the conversation go when he asked if he could stay longer ?

how did the conversation go when you pointed out all the mess ? what was his suggestion for the dog ?
why has the boys mum agreed to this ?

both need to go

He needs to leave now immediately
He can present to the council as homeless and if he’s got a six-year-old autistic child he stands a very good chance of being found. Decent accommodation. Don’t fall for any sub stories.
I’ve seen with my own eyes Nice two bedroom flats in Birmingham that people have been put in within an emergency. Admittedly, they might not get to stay there. I don’t know how the story ended.
But they were absolutely fine initially

How did you foresee this playing out in future? Did you think his son wouldn't be part of your lives?

Tell him to take his kid home to the mother today and to move out himself at the weekend. Never see him again.

You can't trust him. What else might he do without bothering to ask you?

Oh hell no!

OP, tell your partner he and his son need to move out asap.

So far only your sofa is ruined by soon they will ruin everything.

What is your partner doing about the sofa? I’m guessing nothing!

Please tell him to be gone asap!

Good grief. End this, enjoy your new home and work on your self esteem.

Sooner rather than later.

Just dump him OP.
It’s sad that a relationship with a man you really liked has to end, but he can’t send his son away and you can’t live happily with his child.
It’s ok. This child is not your responsibility unless you choose to make him your responsibility. You didn’t plan on his father and him moving in and it isn’t working for you. Your partner should not be yelling at you but he’s right that you don’t want a family life with him and his son. He’s wrong to expect you to!

This sounds awful. Also planned. This relationship is over. Tell him to leave.

you do not have to put up with this.

Tell your boyfriend that it isn't working and he needs to move out by the weekend.

You are NOT selfish OP, your partner sounds abusive, unstable and very selfish.
How do you see your options here?
What would be the best way to get back to living in peace on your own?

Tell him to leave and take his son with him.

They sound like a nightmare and you really don’t have to put up with it.

Absolutely. Tell him to leave with his child. He can go to a hotel tonight.

I would just ask him to move out and say this situation isn't working for you. If you're in a relationship with someone and they're a parent you can't expect that to just ditch their child but clearly it's not for you and that's not unreasonable either. Your DP doesn't sound very respectful in that he hasn't discussed it with you and doesn't take into consideration your needs. If he needs to live with his child then he needs to find somewhere for them both to live in.