Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

955 replies

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 17:54

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

OP posts:
Elboob · 02/06/2025 18:12

@Feelinglost10 No wonder you are feeling lost!
You MUST tell him this isn't working and he needs to take his child back to the mother. NOW.
It is YOUR home!
If this is a deal breaker for him then break it because he can fuck right off with taking advantage of you.
It would be different IF
IF he had asked
IF you had agreed
IF the child was managed / parented properly
IF he respected your belongings
IF you and your dog were okay
BUT NONE OF THIS HAS HAPPENED
I am so sorry you are in this and so stressed.

Mrsbloggz · 02/06/2025 18:12

'I was letting him stay here until he sorted a new place out, which he was supposed to be doing but it’s fell through'

@Feelinglost10 he stitched you up mate
He said all that to get you to agree to him and his son moving in, he knows that once he's got his feet under the table it'll be hard for you to get rid of him.
Why will it be hard? Because he will turn the screws, make you feel guilty, threaten you etc.

Ixoral · 02/06/2025 18:12

Sounds like it was planned he just didn’t tell you the plans.
His plans were free accommodation, free housekeeper and free childcare.

You’ve worked hard for what you’ve got, don’t fall for someone who wants everything for nothing.

InSpainTheRain · 02/06/2025 18:12

Tell your partner to move out. He is using you big time. Hotels are available!!

legoplaybook · 02/06/2025 18:12

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:09

he never asked. He has clearly just presumed. Yesterday he got let down on a new place he was sorting out so basically has nowhere to go. The mess hasn’t been sorted and he defo won’t have money to replace my couch. The kid has been running in and out for the last house making my dog keep jumping up and running up n down stairs n his knee is already messed up and awaiting ACL surgery on it. I actually just feel overwhelmed with stress. I love my partner but did NOT sign up for this, he hasn’t planned any of it just gave in to what his son wants and not actually thinking he hasn’t for the facility to do it, it’s me who has the facility and as selfish as it sounds I don’t want to! He doesn’t even work, it’s me who does and I refuse to support his child when I have my own life to pay for

Show quote history

Why on earth would you love this man??

Honestly this gets worse and worse, boot him out tonight. Book him one night in a Travelodge if you have to.

If he's got nowhere for his son to stay he needs to return him to his mother!

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 02/06/2025 18:11

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:03

As I say there’s a huge difference between being a step mother to waking up one day his full time co parent. No conversation. Out the blue. It’s not even like it was planned and things are in place. It’s absolutely mental

Show quote history

So what are you going to do now? Because you know there's only one answer. Kick the cocklodger out of your house.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 02/06/2025 18:11

Due to the absolute lack of respect your partner has shown you, I would be showing him and his son the door. You are not responsible for either of them. The audacity of him.

Shadesofscarlett · 02/06/2025 18:11

where is this poor boy's mother in all of this? He can't just take his child and decide he is not going home nor attending school?

What is there to love about this manipulative cocklodger? I mean he is deffo not father of the year for starters plus he has not paid a penny towards his living expenses.

Honestly why are you being so passive and allowing him to walk all over you?

tripleginandtonic · 02/06/2025 18:10

The time to say no is now. End the relationship.

seekinghappiness22 · 02/06/2025 18:10

How dare he do that!!! Get them out and don’t ever believe you’re in the wrong for feeling the way you do! He had no right to do that without speaking to you first if you ask me had this planned from before and he was hoping you would just accept it.. Don’t otherwise they are going to walk all over you !!

coxesorangepippin · 02/06/2025 18:09

You need to act now or you'll be on here in a year, unable to get rid of the pair of them and at the end of your tether

He's walking all over and you and doesn't care about how YOU feel.

All he sees is a nurse with a purse

Original poster
Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:09

pimplebum · 02/06/2025 18:00

How dare he move his son in with you ! How did the conversation go when he asked if he could stay longer ?

how did the conversation go when you pointed out all the mess ? what was his suggestion for the dog ?
why has the boys mum agreed to this ?

both need to go

he never asked. He has clearly just presumed. Yesterday he got let down on a new place he was sorting out so basically has nowhere to go. The mess hasn’t been sorted and he defo won’t have money to replace my couch. The kid has been running in and out for the last house making my dog keep jumping up and running up n down stairs n his knee is already messed up and awaiting ACL surgery on it. I actually just feel overwhelmed with stress. I love my partner but did NOT sign up for this, he hasn’t planned any of it just gave in to what his son wants and not actually thinking he hasn’t for the facility to do it, it’s me who has the facility and as selfish as it sounds I don’t want to! He doesn’t even work, it’s me who does and I refuse to support his child when I have my own life to pay for

OP posts:
HolyStyleFailBatman · 02/06/2025 18:09

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:03

As I say there’s a huge difference between being a step mother to waking up one day his full time co parent. No conversation. Out the blue. It’s not even like it was planned and things are in place. It’s absolutely mental

Show quote history

Get rid of this man. He is riding roughshod over you. If you accept any of this, even if he moves his son out- he will never treat you with respect or consideration. (Where in gods name is the child’s mother??).

Just imagine the bliss you will experience when the house is empty again.

Springtime43 · 02/06/2025 18:09

This is my idea of hell. Would you prefer to continue the relationship but live apart? And no one leaves marks on my sofa.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 02/06/2025 18:08

You need to make it crystal clear to this man that HE doesn't live there, let alone his son. He was a guest, staying for a short while but not living there. He can decide he wants to be primary carer to his son all he wants but he has to have a home first.

kissmyfatass · 02/06/2025 18:07

Oh hell no. Get rid of them both

Weepixie · 02/06/2025 18:07

the wee boy must be so confused by the huge changes he’s experiencing in his day to day and dad is an absolute b***d for for doing it to him.

PickAChew · 02/06/2025 18:07

Seems quite convenient that this new place fell through.

He has no respect for you and clearly just wants to freeload. After his response when you tried to talk to him you need to chuck him out.

Dishdelish · 02/06/2025 18:06

I think it is time for a conversation with your partner. I don’t see any way back from this. In his mind you do not feature at all in the relationship. His behaviour demonstrates a significant lack of empathy, self awareness and honestly most of the “good” person traits.

caringcarer · 02/06/2025 18:06

This was supposed to be your fresh start. Tell your partner you don't want his son living with you and if that means he leaves you're fine with that. Tell him he's got until Friday morning and write him a formal eviction notice for Friday 9am to be out by. He'll be put into temporary accommodation with his son.

nomas · 02/06/2025 18:05

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:03

As I say there’s a huge difference between being a step mother to waking up one day his full time co parent. No conversation. Out the blue. It’s not even like it was planned and things are in place. It’s absolutely mental

Show quote history

And tell him today transfer you money for every week partner has stayed with you so far also for the ruined sofa.

RedIsNotMyFavouriteColour · 02/06/2025 18:05

Get rid

Pinty · 02/06/2025 18:05

I think if you want the partner who also have to accept the child.
But you don't need to accept either one of them

ElizabethVonArnim · 02/06/2025 18:05

Looks as if everyone is in agreement- including you! Deep breath, OP, and go do it.

nomas · 02/06/2025 18:04

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:02

It’s not about him not being a part of our lives. There’s a huge difference his son visiting to his son living here, no school, 247 in my house and messing it all up. As I say this is my brand new home I worked hard for. He hasn’t put a single penny into it and I was letting him stay here until he sorted a new place out, which he was supposed to be doing but it’s fell through and now he’s nowhere to go n decided his son isn’t going back home.. to where his school is and everythin else! I feel completely stuck and trapped and depressed and can’t live like this. I feel really bad but what am I meant to do. I never even had his son stay over at my house before now, and suddenly iv been forced into a situation I never wanted or asked for. It’s too overwhelming

Show quote history

OP, this is a really common tactic employed by single fathers.

They get their feet under the table and then suddenly their accomodation falls through and then suddenly their child needs to live with them too.

You have been played, please wake up to the reality of your situation. Tell him today he needs to leave and take his son.

Swipe left for the next trending thread