Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

I do see your point BUT it is possible to set up an account with fairly minimal information (probably just an email account - it’s been a long time since I’ve done it). I am not saying this is the case here but it is possible that quite a few posters on MN are not who they claim to be. Realistically, even if things were reported to SS, without a name and address, they won’t be able to take action.

Most of what has been posted on this thread is probably complete fantasy as is most of the content of this site. Which is why social services would have no interest whatsoever in any of this crap

Read the thread and all ops responses before posting rubbish to me. It's not a joke there is actual abuse going on. The 6 year old child was dumped on the op by her abusive boyfriend. He's a violent man. I don't what possessed you to post that stupid scenario to me about Christmas presents this is serious.

Can you fucking imagine the volume of calls social Services would get from the Mum’s net hotline ? People on here think that if a child doesn’t get £1000 spent on it every Christmas that’s a case of neglect and social services should be involved 🤦‍♀️

Is there a way of MNHQ reporting to the relevant services if there is child abuse/neglect happening? Threads like this one is concerning because in real life social services would have been contacted immediately and the child removed from the situation. The op is an adult she can make her own decisions on whether she wants her partner or not. Children can not make those decisions they are vulnerable and deserve all the best chances in life. Let's not forget she is asking women who have children themselves what she should do. The child is only 6 I hope he is either back safely with his mother or in care. Even without her past posting history you could tell through reading her posts on this thread she's with a lunatic. That's her choice and I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that. The only advice I would give is don't bring innocent children into it. They trust adults to protect them not abuse and neglect them. There is too many horror stories in the news and the papers I don't want to read another one.

I also dislike when people dig up posters' old threads etc. But in this situation people were getting worked up because there was a child involved - a child who was taken from his mother and school etc and roaming around the streets with his dad with no plan for the child's return.

With what you have been through and you still let him back into your life it's Stockholm syndrome you have.

"A person feeling sorry for their abuser can be a symptom of Stockholm Syndrome, a psychological response where a person develops positive feelings towards their abuser, potentially including feelings of sympathy or compassion. This occurs as a coping mechanism in situations of prolonged captivity or abuse."

It's a coping mechanism you need to get counselling and work through the trauma and abuse you have suffered and are suffering now.

OP I have no experience myself but know that the Freedom Programme is recommended a lot in these situations.

you are being abused plain and simple. Get help. Get out.

Hi OP, I'm sorry for how you were treated on this thread previously. Can I ask how things are now, did you manage to get the son back to his Mum and his normal routine? Has your partner got a new place yet? Hope you've got things sorted to your satisfaction.

Hopefully, he's in prison for previous assault/ breaching bail conditions.

Well said. You have banged the nail on the head. We can only hope he bangs his head on the way out...

This is a few weeks old, but I have to ask, "What does this BF of yours bring to the table?". He doesn't work, he hasn't found a new place (why should he when he can just live off you) and just expects you to deal with it all.

People have tried and tried to get you to see the big picture. He does not love you, because people that love someone else, doesn't let their child run amok and destroy another person's house. They don't threaten to go back to their exes.

You have gotten upset by people being abrupt and feel them rude. They are frustrated because you cannot or will not see the truth. It makes them wonder why you posted in the first place. You seem to not mind that you have a cocklodger and his son there and you are supporting them both. Oh, the reason the Dad doesn't mind him staying is that now he doesn't have to pay CM, can get benefits and even try to get CM from the mother. Until then, he has free lodging, free food, free everything.

Enjoy OP, as only YOU can change this life you are now living.

No just good sense!

But it's not just 'homeless' or 'penniless' women who fall victim to domestic abuse, far from it...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/guest_posts/4446296-Coercive-and-controlling-behaviour-is-clever-You-would-have-thought-a-police-officer-could-see-it-coming-right

I feel for OP but why enable this man to take the piss?

Victim blaming at its finest...sorry you find abuse of the OP 'tiresome

Utter rubbish. OP is working and has her own home, she is only a victim because she won’t take control of the situation and kick him out for good.

Shes not homeless or penniless - she is simply choosing the wrong sort of man - not one who has her same ambition and drive to do better.

She has a choice, most woman of domestic violence do not.

Victim blaming at its finest...sorry you find abuse of the OP 'tiresome'.

And is quite right.

@Feelinglost10 doesn't owe anyone an update. Quite the reverse, given the way she's been treated on this thread. Chasing down her previous posting history and putting her through the wringer over practically every syllable of it is very unedifying. If she'd wanted advice on those points she would have asked. No one forces anyone on this site to to waste our time and resources offering others advice on this forum. We do so voluntarily: it doesn't compel people to take that advice and they 'owe' complete strangers on the www exactly squat.

It is hard - very hard - to extract yourself from an abusive relationship. It can take many years and many separate attempts - and if OP comes back here wanting support 2, 5, even 10 years down the line, I for one am happy to give it.

No wonder there are so many name-changes around here. OP, if you post again I'd recommend you do this so no one can trace your posting history back to you and derail the thread by criticising you in such personal terms. I hope you're OK.

Exactly.if you go back after a “clean break” it’s not a clean break anymore just recycling the same situation…

‘Oh piss off.’

OP is calling people on here rude!

She had a clean break he lost his place or is waiting for a new place to live I can't remember which. I can't be bothered to read back. She took him back after everything. She was supported to find somewhere after he beat her up and she lost the baby. She decided to go down the private rental route.

This often happens when partners are coercive controllers
the victim becomes very insecure and their choices are constantly undermined
hence the inability to make a clean break

‘a dude’ lol 😂