Step kids have moved out, DH is still funding them

I love that everybody on here knows exactly what they would have done, without the benefit of hindsight or a crystal ball - and almost none of the details.

Move them away? From the UK where they'd only lived for 6 months?

Or as OP stated 'It’s complicated actually, they split when they were tiny, at that point the whole family was living in Canada. After the split they all moved to the uk, where mum only stayed for 6 months before taking the kids back to France'

Back to France means they all lived there before.

And DHs family live there but he apparently didn't want to go 'back to France' so stayed in the UK.

Your post's made me feel quite anxious for your step kids. They sound really vulnerable, especially the girl with the much older boyfriend.

Of course your DH should be paying for them. And surely you're not suggesting that they should have left their expensive possessions behind... what for? If this is financial - would you have sold them?

I understand this is a stressful situation, and feel for you, but think you've gone down a bit of a rabbit hole here if you're suggesting his kids need less support after moving out, rather than more.

To be fair this father kinda does. Apparently.

I agree me too. My children are adults with their own homes.I will continue to help them out financially if I can for as long as they need it.
You don't suddenly stop being a parent

Thse poor children. Of course he should continue to pay for them its least he can do in fact it is the least he's done so far. I agree you need to have some rules in your house but having been absent from the children's life the majority of it i- nsisting on what they can and can't do was never going to go down well. Having an older boyfriend sounds like the daughter just wants somebody to look out for her and take care of her which she obviously been lacking in her life since her mum's death. Why shouldn't she her tennis racket - it was a gift .

I think you need to reflect on why both of them have moved out particularly as he is their only living parent , It illustrates how unhappy they must be. He's sleeping on the sofa rather than your house which I know you've said 'only' half 5 bedrooms.

He's legally responsible for making sure all their needs are met - including their financial needs - until they're 18.

Their things belong to them.

Stop being horrid.

And if god forbid,your 6 year old ends up without a mum at age 13
At least you know how he will be treated by your DH .

This. It sounds horrendous. The least he can do is continue to fund them as long as they’re in education. Why did they have to leave France where they were happy?

He should never of left France. The kids their mother died. He should never of left ever. I wouldn’t.

I think he can be blamed for not working harder to make sure they wanted to be with him after their mother died. And also for not trying harder to make them welcome when they did eventually come to live with him.

Who do you think should be paying for them @Clayless

The weirdest thing about this sorry tale
Is the op actually thinking people will agree with her.
Your DH should of moved to France to look after his children who had lost their mother
He has constantly put his eldest children last ,and still the op is complaining and wants the children cut of from his money,while he pays for children that are not his.
Threads like this is what give step mothers a bad name

Of course he needs to keep funding them, they’re his children!

you both need to sort this out with them and get them home, they’re too young and vulnerable to be sofa surfing and living with an adult boyfriend.

Stop whining about your money and space in the house and realise these kids need to be his priority. They have no mother now, they just have their dad and this needs to be resolved.

Can you ease up on the rules a bit and maybe negotiate some new ones with them involved too?

He should absolutely continue to pay for them - it sounds like it wasn't a good idea for them to come to the UK.

You sound awful.

When you said they had moved out and that your DH was supporting them I thought you were going to talk about adults in their mid 20s !

Not teenagers who you drove away.

And your outage that they took their own belongings.

No wonder they both left.

If you die when your 6yo is 13 and your DH remarries and has more kids and your DC refuses to live there will you be happy if your DH decides to stop supporting your child at 17? Anybody can die unexpectedly. Think about how you will want your shared child to be treated by your husband should that happen and you die. Think about what it would be like for your DC to grow up without you. Think about the ways your child might act out. Unless you would be fine with your DH turning his back on your 6yo in the future of course you can’t ask him to turn his back on his older children.

OMG this is the least he can do. Poor children and you want to cut them off!!

It's not actually. It says "DH and I have been together 8 years, he is half British, half ."

But that's by the by, their dad needed to build a relationship with them first

It would also have been more surprising if children just a few years after losing their mother and trying to blend into their father's new family didn't have issues tbh.

It was bound to be difficult and boil over at times. Keeping communication open and maintaining a position with his children is absolutely what he should be doing.

OP you sound awful. Children lose their mother, have to move in with their father in a house that is so miserable one would rather move out and sleep on a sofa and you are bitching about their father paying for food and travel. Stepmother from hell.

OP, at what age do you think you should be no longe financially responsible for your DC? How would you feel if your DH turned round when your DC are 17 and said he was no longer willing to pay for them? What will happen when these DC go to university? You may well find that they need a bit of help. I think you’re being staggeringly unreasonable - look at it from the DC’s point of view. They’ve lost their mother; they’ve been living with grandparents; they have had their DF to themselves when he has visited them in France- and now, they have to live not only with their stepmother but also with three younger children; you have imposed rules that mean they have no private time with a BF/GF; you seem to resent them taking their own property, and you then say that “he doesn’t see that our child together and my children are now going without so his kids can through a strop!” I’m not feeling any empathy for what these DSC have been through - it can’t have been at all easy for them. Sorry, OP, between you, you have five children and you are equally financially responsible for all of them. Kids get more expensive as they get older, and you don’t just wash your hands of them because you have made home life so unpleasant they have both chosen to go elsewhere. I’d be looking at conciliatory measures before your DH follows them out of the door.

That's almost entirely what happens when you're 16/17. You can legally work, but you are not legally an adult. Some things are allowed, and are great to promote independence, but some things are still inappropriate. OP isn't wrong to view some things as OK and some things as not.