DH not arranging birthday card for mum

I used to get the children to make a card for DH's birthday, Christmas etc. We had great fun with stickers, paint/crayons or pressing flowers & leaves. A 2 year old is totally able to make a personal card or picture for their daddy.

In the 20 years I was with my ex I had nothing for birthdays or Christmas from him so no chance of him even considering doing something from the kids for any occasion.

My birthday in November was the first one with my new partner. Not only spoiled rotten by him but he took my 3 children (18, 14 and 5) to choose me a present and card from each of them. They also made me a birthday cake together. (The kitchen clean up after that was fun but it's the thought that counts I guess 😂) The fact that he is new to family life but still thought to do this for me made me cry lol.

I think some men get it, and others it just doesn't even cross their minds.

I’ve never expected my DH to arrange a card from our kid. Only this year my kid initiated to make me a card (6yr old) although for my DH’s birthday I got our kid to choose one at the store. As you acknowledge, it’s a bigger issue going on.

I think you need to ramp the whole birthday experience expectations up, stop saying you don't want any fuss made, go for the whole shebang

I’d be upset.

Both my husband and I have always used birthdays/celebrations to set an example to our young children.

We've got cards and gifts on their behalf since birth, they got each other a gift when the second was born - the cards/gifts don’t have to be big, just a sign of appreciation and thoughtfulness.

OP, it’s Father’s Day soon. I’d give the exact same energy back.

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers
“I am not sure how many people this would occur to.”

Well it has certainly occurred to my DC, who regularly give cards to their DPs from their young children. DD usually enlists their aid to make one (she is very arty) - but her DH would certainly ensure she got a card on her birthday from the DC. I think children like giving cards - when my DGS made a card for his mother at nursery, he was so excited about it he had to show it to her immediately when he got home, and the next day as well (it was for Mothering Sunday). OP, I feel your pain - very poor show on your DH’s part.

Will, you might not want or expect a present or a fuss made on your birthday but I certainly do and would be really pissed off if my DH didn’t put in any effort. Just as he would be if all I could manage was a card from the shop across the road. It just shows a lack of compassion & love IMO - that he doesn’t even consider trying to make you feel special and spoilt for one day of the year.

How exactly does he contribute to home life? From what you said, I’m sensing he is ‘Mr. Important breadwinner’ leaving 100% of cooking, cleaning & childcare for you to fit around your ‘little job’ (I’m projecting, not suggesting!)

Does he bring anything to your relationship other than money & disappointment?

Why tell him you “don’t want a fuss” when you do want a fuss though? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a bit of appreciation shown but then don’t martyr yourself.

A 2 yr old doesn’t know what a card is.

in a few years you will get home made ones.

a partner getting a card for a 2’yr old is weird.

I have been in a similar position to you. My husband got me a “mum” card for my first Christmas. I had told him I wanted a “mummy” card. It looked like something I’d get my mum as an adult not a baby. Especially with it being the first. He didn’t get me a gift from her either even though I got him. I ordered myself a mug on Christmas Day from Etsy. My mum actually bought me a first Christmas as my mummy card as she knew how upset I was.

Then I got exactly the same for my first Mother’s Day. The present I got was an Easter egg!!!!!! I ordered myself something. He knew how I upset I was and I told him he had one last chance then I would match energy.

I got him a really crappy birthday card that said “father” just to prove a point.

Last Christmas my mum ordered me a card just in case but he actually pulled it together and did really good.

People might tell you it’s no big deal but to you it is and that’s what matters. For me this shows how little he cares about you. That is how it felt for me.

I’m hoping so! I’d expect the card to be from both of them.

I'm truly sorry your birthday took such an unexpected turn.I never receive anything including a card from my husband and my children on my birthday despite this, I am usually happy as long as we can spend time together on my birthday. But this year was a masterpiece of forgetfulness! The night before my big day, my husband, with impeccable timing, casually announced his plans to hit a gentleman's club tomorrow (which, for those keeping score, was my actual birthday!). Apparently, my special day had completely vanished from his memory banks. And just to add to the familial comedy, his brother popped up with a "Happy birthday, hope you are spoiled today!" on whatsapp message... on a completely different date altogether! Honestly, what in the world is going on with these two siblings? Is there a secret competition for "Most Oblivious to My Birthday"?

I honestly can't figure out if you are being sarcastic?

Any man who doesn’t buy the mother of his child a 99p card from their child is a thoughtless knob.

I understand where you are coming from OP. My late DH always made sure I got a Birthday card/ Mother's day card / Christmas card from our son, right from when he was born. He was a miracle baby for us and born with the help of fertility treatment.
I do think from what you say about your relationship with your DH I can understand why this lack of thoughtfulness about the card is all the more upsetting for you.

Just say to the guy - I think X is old enough now to enjoy making me a birthday card or helping make a cake. Maybe you might like to do that.

If he then does not do mit, then hmmmm........

If he does you have given him the blueprint for future years. I know that he ideally would get this anyway - but some men simply don't. It is easier to just spell it out.

He knows I don’t want a fuss or money spent on presents but that a card means a lot to me.

then why not tell him now that you feel a bit hurt that you didn't get a birthday card from your child?

No need to make a scene, but you are a couple. You should be able to talk. It's too late for this year, but repeating that a card matters to YOU must be said.

It doesn't matter if a card is important for other people.

I'm sorry he's prioritising everything including his social life (!) over you OP. That must be very hard.

The card is a minor issue but this thread is likely to focus on that. I'd start a new one in Relationships.

Honestly, I haven’t heard of partners writing cards on behalf of babies before, I imagine that this hasn’t crossed his mind and I am not sure how many people this would occur to.

the bigger issue is the imbalance in the relationship that you describe. Have you discussed this?