Is 46 too old for a baby?

Completely anecdotal....I got pregnant naturally at 45, it took just over a year of trying (for reference, I have two children already who I fell pregnant with pretty much first try in my early thirties). I miscarried at around 11 weeks and saw a consultant due to some complications who basically said in his experience less than 10 percent of pregnancies in women 45 and older result in a healthy baby.

This contradicted anything I had read but he said there was no reliable research and that he had been doing the job a long time and those were the realistic odds.

I definitely believe if you feel healthy and happy enough to try you should but I really think you need to be realistic about the chances of success (and prepared for the heartbreak along the way).

Not to be completely doom and gloom but we tried again immediately and used no contraception until menopause hit in my early 50s and never fell pregnant again despite that.

I have zoomed to the end sorry, but just to say that someone close to me did this, adores the children, lights of her life as you would expect / hope but it has been SO hard from perspective of the parents' health issues, stamina, having dependents well into their 70s etc. Sorry to be negative.

I'd go for it! I was 42 when I had my youngest and energy etc wasn't a problem. She's 18 in a few months and I'll be 60 and if she'd been an only child or just had her slightly older brother it'd be great but having 2 much older children 35 years of parenting has taken its toll.

I conceived naturally at 45 and was nudging 46 when I had my first and only. I’ve always been younger than my years and DP is younger than me. I’m v fit and active and eat well, don’t drink, smoke etc. In many ways I’m fitter than many of the younger mums I see. I know we can’t outwit our natural age but honestly I don’t think our child has had a different experience as a result of our being older. We go to gigs and do things many people
our age wouldn’t do so she’s keeping us young!

As others have said, by the time she came along, after many miscarriages, we were done with nights out and were financially secure in established careers. I’ve continued to progress in my career too and now at a much higher level than when I had DC. I am also much more patient that I ever would have been in my 20s and 30s.

Good luck with it OP there will be many on here will say it’s too old but we don’t all have the experience of meeting someone when we are young or of soaking through pregnancies. DC is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t have a single regret.

Op's pension is very relevant.

She's says she has a 'good job' and she's at peak earning age, so I imagine she'll be banking on continuing to work full time whilst parenting this child, as it will be crucial to hitting the required amount of contributions before she retires. Most of us have kids when our earning power is far less, therefore missing a few years of contributions by taking a career break or part time position does not hit our finances so hard. I'm the same age as op, and my main focus rn is 'making bank' before I retire, I wouldn't want to take a hit in my contributions at this age as it'll have consequences for me later. Any career break at this age would also be career death. So if she had a child she needs to consider what she'd do if she did need to give up work for her kid, how would that affect things financially for her? I found it difficult working full-time with kids in my 20s and 30s, it gets significantly harder at this age. And what if her child has additional needs, or the old redundancies come around at work (we all know who gets the chop first).

I would say go for it. Keep healthy and do what you think is best. It may or may not happen. Personally if it happens naturally I would be happy but I wouldn’t go ivf route due to health risks as older. Those saying about health, I think is hard because health can change at any age for anyone.

I had my first at 41, my sister and a friend had theirs at 39 and seconds at 43.
well past the clubbing years, I had plenty of time for my child. I wouldn’t have had the necessary patience in my 20’s.
I’d say go for it. But don’t put your body through ivf.

What gave you the impression that I was worried about you?

You can speak of your experience and so can I.

Yes, having a baby is tiring, but I certainly didn't find it any worse than my younger counterparts in baby group. For me, I think I actually coped better with sleep deprivation when older. Obviously not everyone's experience, but good not to generalise.

Try. If it works then, biologically, you’re not too old.

Yes personally I think it's too old, sorry. I had old parents (mum was 40 and dad was 44) and I was very embarrassed of them for being so old. I'm in my 40s and taking care of them.

I have just one child, born when I was 43, who was conceived the first time the idea entered my head, so it's possible. Said child is now 25 while we are nudging 70. Fortunately our child was fairly easy, but it wasn't all plain sailing because DH has had cardiac issues since he was 50.

It might happen, or not, but you need to think about it hard and quickly. At 46, I'm not sure I would have been up for it.

It will be very tiring. My friend had her first baby at 46 1/2 and has just had her second at nearly 49.

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

I'm the same age and childless. Also still menstruating regularly and my mum didn't go through menopause until her 50s either.

I wouldn't do this. I'm healthy now but I have no idea what menopause will bring and I would not like the increased risk of a disabled child at this stage in my life.

I remember a conversation with the nurse at my old GP practice on the theme and she said in her experience the women she encountered who conceive naturally in their 40s do so more in a 'last train out of Saigon' type scenario - eg, they already had a brood of children when they were younger and in her words, 'their bodies remember what to do'. She hadn't come across women in their mid 40s conceiving naturally for the first time and carrying a pregnancy to term. Of course, that's just ONE person's experience but she had been a practice nurse for a long time.

As PP suggest, you could just come off contraception and see what happens.

I find threads like this depressing. Probably because it addresses all my future concerns, being 54 with an almost 7 yr old. Though unplanned, my little boy is a delight. Healthy and happy. From the initial shock and dread of a pregnancy diagnosis, he turned out to be a blessing to our family. I had all the screening tests though I know this doesn’t pick up everything.

I did find the baby/toddler years much harder than when I’d had my older three children in my early 30’s.

But currently I feel quite good for my age and he’s not commented on having old parents yet though I’m sure this may happen in the near future. So many moms at school are well into their 40’s and I don’t think I look any older.

So my situation is different to you. I wouldn’t have had a baby at 47 by choice but we have a strong marriage and got through it.

If your relationship is strong and you don’t want to miss out on motherhood you could always TTC. I don’t think you can ever regret having a child but you may always regret trying.

It's none of anyone's business, OP, I'd just advise you to read up on the relative risks and also be realistic that it might be unlikely to happen at all. Also think about when you and your partner might retire and if this impacts upon your plans. I well understand the desire to be a mum though.

I'm sorry you had such a hard time of it and I understand your world view given all that you've been through. You haven't asked about my own childhood and I don't feel the need to share it, but we all have experiences that inform our choices. I'm not silly and my DP is not selfish. Try to keep a lid on your snap judgements or you might come across as a bit narrow minded.

I don’t think it’s too old. A lot of the responses on here are really nasty.

An increased risk of SEN- well I had my kids when I was early to mid twenties and both have additional needs

You'll be too tired- my dad who is late 60s is still working a labour intensive job and is fine. I know plenty of “older” folk who run marathons, cycle etc.

It could ruin your relationship- that can be said for literally every single relationship.

You’ll be old by the time they graduate/you might not be around by then- what a grim view. You never know what is round the corner, sure, but by the same logic someone who is 30 could die tomorrow by any number of reasons. Car accident, illness, an accident on holiday, an accident in work, etc etc.

If you both want a baby then you might as well try and see what happens. Set your own boundaries on how long to try for and what steps you’re willing to undergo, and what you aren’t. If it works out then fabulous, if it doesn’t then at least you knew you tried and won’t regret never giving it a go and not knowing.

You have established careers and stable finances, you’re doing better than a lot of folk who have babies!

46 is absolutely not too old. I had my babies younger (under 30) and it was exhausting then. I've spoken to people in their 30s who also find it equally exhausting. It's exhausting no matter what age you are, so you mightn't worry about that per se. There are increased risks over the age of 40, such as Down's Syndrome, as the eggs age, they become more prone to gene complications. However, with support from your DH and GP, it should be possible to conceive naturally and have a healthy and happy baby(ies).

I would argue from a practical point of view, you are in the best position ever to have a baby. You are financially stable, in a loving relationship, have life experience & wisdom - all things that teen mums struggle to have. It sounds as though a baby is something you've always wanted and the pieces have fallen in to place for you at this time to have one.

I'd recommend the Conception & Pregnancy sections of the forum for the next stages.

I don’t think it’s too old. Lots of people have children in later life and yes you’ll get people commenting on you not being around for as much of your child’s life as those with younger parents are, but what time is actually guaranteed to us anyway? If you’re in a stable, loving relationship and can provide that for a child then why not. There are lots of things to consider as an ‘older’ mum but it wouldn’t make you any less of a parent than someone younger than you. And if fertility isn’t on your side at your age then you could look at fostering and adoption; there are so many children in need of the type of home it sounds like you can provide. Good luck OP :)

Definitely not too old, go for it! You can also pay for a nipt test if your concerned about genetic conditions

Both my great grandmothers had late babies one had twins at 44 the other a single baby at 44. My grandmother had babies spanning from her age 23 to 46. All of the children were healthy and the three ladies lived to between 92 and 104. Late pregnancies are not a new thing. I met a lady yesterday who had ivf twins at 47, she is a lovely, fit, happy mum with gorgeous five year olds.
Look at your options, don’t be swayed by societal “norms”. If you decide to go ahead best wishes.

I had my DD at 40. She’s been nothing but a delight, I haven’t struggled. I have a fair few friends who have had their children in their 40s too and are loving being parents. No horror stories here. Go for it and fingers crossed it happens naturally for you.

Hi OP, congrats on your new relationship, sounds lovely.

I say give it a go and see what happens. If you don’t you’ll always regret not trying. If it’s not meant to be, it won’t be.

That’s not to say there won’t be risks and challenges, and you do need to go in to this with your eyes open, as many others have said it’s more difficult as you get older and the risks increase.

I don’t think that means you shouldn’t try, and I say that as the child of a 43 year old mum in the early 1970s when post 40s babies were thoroughly frowned upon! My mum lost count of the number of people who had unhelpful things to say about it!

If you are able to conceive and carry the baby, then use your financial resources to help you through. Eg my mum had extra help at home when I was a baby to give her extra time to rest, was able to taxis more frequently etc. and just accept that you will be tired and you will have to give up some social time etc.

lots of people have commented on higher risks of problems with the baby, this is something you need to think about, but again it sounds as though you have resources and could get extra help if needed. To be honest these things can happen at any age, there are no guarantees. Similarly any one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow, being a younger mum doesn’t necessarily mean you will see your child into adulthood.

my parents were 43 and 41 when I was born and they always tried really hard not to be the old parents, which made them much more fun and less strict than many of my friends parents. I was a bit embarrassed by them as a teenager but no more so than anyone else! I was in my late 40s when I lost them both and that’s been hard, but they were amazing parents and i consider myself to be lucky!

I have two teenage boys who lost two of their grandparents young, but they both remember my parents and my DH’s parents are still with us, so they have them. There are ups and downs to every situation, I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

The problem with threads like these is people are rubbish at imagining a life other than the one they have. People without kids can't imagine life with. People who had kids at 20 and who've had their 40s and 50s to please themselves can't imagine doing it again at 45. People (like me) who had kids in their late 30s, couldn't have countenenced having kids when they were 25. I mean there is no way in hell I could have had a child in my 20s/ early 30s. I just wasn't ready. Didn't want kids. Not interested at all. Then, of course, things change...

OP - only you know the answer to your question. Trust your gut, it's usually right. And even if you do decide to go for it, nature might have different ideas (which can be true for younger women too, of course).