Is 46 too old for a baby?

i never said it would make it easier or make her younger. But for people citing risks to the baby due to having older parents (the dad too) it's a way to get around that and provide a home to a child who needs one. I realize adoption is harder these days.

I had mine at 38 and 41 (DH 2 years younger, he was my 2nd marriage, no children from 1st), I am now 53. I don't look old, I am in good health, but I definitely feel older than through my 40s when I felt really.. young.
I wouldn't underestimate energy, patience required for raising teenagers. Especially when also dealing with aging parents.

But regarding the comment about playing sports with children: neither mine nor my husband's parents played sports with us and they were young/youngish when they had us. I don't like most sports and never have, have always been bookish/arty person (and have played endless imaginary games!) but my 15 year old girl is a talented athlete playing several sports. We provide her with a loving home, support and attention, but we don't have to be everything.

Stop touting adoption of an “older child” as the magic answer here, it absolutely is not.

Older children who have been in the care system are deeply traumatised and more often than not have behavioural problems due to that. There is a reason that adoption breakdown rates are so high.

I have worked in social care for many years, with children aged from 8 to 18. You need to be really fucking serious and really fucking committed going into adoption. You need to be trauma informed and know exactly what you are entering in to so that these poor kids don’t end up back in the system when you realise it’s a lot harder than you thought it would be.

Children in care are not a replacement for a couple in their honeymoon phase wanting a baby and frankly it’s insulting to those children to suggest otherwise.

Go for it! It may or may not happen. If it doesn't at least you won't have any what ifs.
Woman art work just had a baby at 55. Happy as a pig in shit

I think age is (mostly) just a number. I was tired and cranky with baby twins at 35. I think I would have been even worse if I'd had them at 25. I think I would have hated being tied down and the overwhelming responsibility. I'm not going to give 45 a go, but only because I have children already! But your choice isn't having them earlier or later, it's later or never, and there is always some reason why a certain age isn't the best. If you are sure you want them, see what nature thinks!

Pp said “sensible” in inverted commas, so it is not necessarily her opinion. Also that her husband died. So, bit strange to pounce on her.

I would just go for it and let nature take its course. Realistically the chances are that at 46 and your first baby it won’t work. But if it does then perhaps it was meant to be x

You can adopt an older child, thereby reducing the age gap between OP and the child, and avoiding a high risk pregnancy. It's a reasonable suggestion.

Your poor use of language makes you sound rather vulgar, and not particularly bright.

Your chance of falling pregnant and carrying a healthy pregnancy to term is low unfortunately.

What about adoption?

At the end of the day only you and your partner can decide this. However I will share what we are going through with my FIL at the moment.

My husband and I are both in our mid 30’s and FIL had DH when he was in his 40’s so he is late 70’s now with advanced Alzheimer’s, we have 2 young kids also. My husband is his main carer and it is hard! Really really hard on not just my husband but our family and kids also.

Pregnancy is much harder also. I had my first in my 20’s but my 2nd in my 30’s and o really struggled 2nd time round.

It is definitely not too old to adopt or foster! Lots of children lost in our care system need good homes.

It will save you the inevitable stress of fertility problems too.

I wouldn't have a baby at 46 - you would have a teenager at 60! It depends on how healthy and fit you are, your financial circumstances, whether an older dad would step up to do half the baby-related work, child care, etc.

Added to all that is the vast increase in risk of having a child with special needs, so there is all the extra work involved in that too. However, I worked with somebody who was a healthcare professional and who had all the information on risks etc. to hand, had loads of contacts in the field, and they chose to have a (very much wanted) baby at 47. Her husband was early 50s I think. She was very fit and had a very healthy lifestyle and, as far as I know, had a happy healthy child and she is happy and healthy herself.

I was nowhere near as fit and healthy at 47 as she was - I am now 64, if I had had a child at 47 they would be 17 now. I am being treated for cancer, I am exhausted all the time, there is no way I could provide a 17 year old with everything they need.

You need to weigh up the pros and cons very very carefully. Add in all the 'what ifs' . What if your child was mentally or physically disabled. What if your partner didn't step up as they should. What if your relationship broke up and you were left a single parent. What if either of both of you parents became ill.
Weigh those up against the joy of having a child together, becoming a family, all the good things.

It is a lot easier for a man - they can carry on producing children well into old age. A lot of men still consider child rearing to be a woman's job. They don't have to be pregnant and don't realise the toll pregnancy can take on the body both at the time and afterwards.

In my opinion, 46 is too old to have a child - it would definitely have been too old for me. But it is not my opinion that counts.

Not too old though you might struggle to get pregnant. Older eggs are more likely to have genetic issues and result in miscarriage. I would talk to a fertility specialist as soon as you can, get your and your partner’s fertility checked out. I would start considering your options now so that you’re prepared, ie donor eggs/donor sperm. It can be a lot to wrap your head around. Good luck! I had baby no 2 at 44 (own embryo created at 43 through ivf) and have no regrets. By 46 my doc said to use donor eggs. IVF is a lot to go through, doesn’t work every time (it took me 3 rounds to have success) and the chance is sadly tiny with your own eggs at that age.

Ignore the naysayers, babies are brilliant as are older mums!

I think you are too focussed on the idea of a ‘baby’ and forgetting what they turn into .
Appreciate at 46 you may cope if fit but they don’t stay babies for long. In 18 years assuming you get pregnant immediately you will be 58 and they will still be a handful and you will be older now and more tired and you still face either 3 years of uni or them living at home until mid twenties. Assuming they turn out delightful then fine. But if they have problems like so many these days and especially having a later born child the risk is much bigger then if really will be more stressful.
I would focus on enjoying your soulmate. Many people are in marriages with kids and don’t find that. You already have your gift. Enjoy him. Be grateful. It’s not worth the risk.

Sorry I know I sound negative but people are so unrealistic when it comes to having kids. It really is a huge sacrifice.

Had twins at 45 and a single at 47. We both fit and healthy and kids are teens now. Longevity is on both sides - so we’re hoping to be around for grandchildren. It’s been great and I don’t have a single regret. Yes i’m sure i’m more tired but I will be gutted when they leave home. Apart from the usual sibling bickering it’s been life enhancing for us. I’ve not had nasty comments and so far I don’t think the kids feel it’s a negative to have older parents. That’s the positive. On the negative side your chances of a natural conception are small and it’ll take you a couple of years to realise. Having taken 15 years of trying we went for donor eggs and in your position I would go straight there and skip the years of unbearable disappointment.

I'm twenty years younger than you also with a seventeen year dc....you are doing better than me by the sounds of it 😂

I think if you can afford ivf with a doner egg it would be possible but not naturally.

I climbed Ben Nevis aged 61 with my then 12 year old! Of which I am v proud.
Not sure I could do it again, 5 years later.
He however had another shot last summer and did it, in even worse weather, in literally half the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agreed, these threads are bizarre. I'm 63. managing to 'cope' fine with 17 year old DS, as well as a demanding full time job. We're just back from a week in the Lake District where I walked 6-7 hours up and down hills every day, almost managing to keep up with DS and DH, without my ancient joints and crumbling bones causing me any problems.

Honestly, I think it's too old. Sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear

I recently spoke to two men in their 50s with young children. Both love their children dearly, but clearly felt quite uncomfortable about being older parents

Go for it. Go straight to IVF and PGT-A your embryos, to save you lots of heart ache for miscarriages from un iaboe embryso as at your the majority won’t be viable. Also consider donor egg, still 100% your baby. Clinics abroad have better egg donors, are quicker cheaper and get better results,

Children put a huge burden on relationships, if this is a new relationship, it will be severely tested by a baby. Factor in your age and I would say plan for great travels, retirement and adventure not getting up every 2 hours with a newborn baby, standing in the park when it rains as a tantruming toddler who doesn't want to go home and I won't even discuss teenagers...... trust me I would not entertain a baby as I hurtled towards menopause!

You asked the question 'what are my chances?' and a quick google says 2% chance of a live birth chance per year. Now this does vary based on individual fertility and so a first step would be to get it checked, you may be pleasantly surprised or you may decide it's not worth the heartache to try. As a 41 year old who fell pregnant twice in 6 months, it does happen though the pain of miscarriage is not something I'd wish on anyone and is a very real possibility post 40. Whatever you decide, good luck.