Is 46 too old for a baby?

Apparently I'm in the minority but I'd absolutely go for it and see what happens. My husband was 40 and 44 when our kids were born and nobody batted an eyelid. A lot of the judgement with regards to older parents only seems to apply to mothers.

My aunt had her 3 kids through surrogacy at 55 and 57 (twins) after 25 years of infertility treatments. They are now 10, 7 and 7 and she had bags of energy to run round with them. She reckons everyone has the energy to do it once, she's just been using hers up later!

I had my son at 47 and opted to go on HRT straight away to mitigate any possible menopause symptoms so I didn't suffer at all. My son is 27 now and I'm nearly 75. I seem to have more energy now than when I was younger. I also still work full time as a counsellor which I still enjoy. These days women don't often look their age anyway and other mums at the school gate thought I was younger anyway so didn't get any negative remarks. To be honest it wouldn't have taken much notice - they would be people I wouldn't want to be friends with anyway.
My son says he's not bothered about our ages and likes the fact that he gets all the love and attention!

Just do it! A colleague recently had her first at 46, followed quickly by another.

My aunts had first babies at 44 and 46 respectively. Nobody batted an eyelid in those days, apparently. Both lived to mid-nineties.

Although I didn't give birth, I took on the care of a 1 year old at 56. She's still here at 22 and we get on with just occasional spats. I'm 78 and in very good health.

Of course it isn't too old. There was a teacher at my school who had an unplanned baby at 47!

I think the chances of health problems or learning disabilities would put me off simply because I found parenting soooo hard without them and I was relatively young at 31 and 34. I can’t imagine the stress of a baby with additional needs. I know 2 women who had their second babies at 42, one fine, one being tested for ADHD. If I was going for it I would consider an egg donor.

I had my 3rd dc at 44. I would say go for it but weigh up the pros and cons beforehand and be prepared for parent hood fully, which of course applies to having a baby at any age.

You should be well looked after by the NhS as you’d have a high risk pregnancy.

Good luck op x

Yes don’t do it. I regret it and I wasn’t as old as 46

Hi..my Mum had me at 46, and although she died when I was 32 I felt blessed to have had such wonderful parents. I had my 3rd child at 43 (they say fertility is inherited somewhat) and my dd has been a breeze. Also, my bf had her 5th child at 47. Go for it. Best thing ever.

You are likely to get a lot of smug fertile people who met their partners young and had all their kids in their twenties on this thread. Who now thinks anyone over 35 is too old. Personally go straight to IVF and have the embryos tested or use donor rather than try naturally.

@Thebirdsang could you give us an update on what you are thinking after reading?

Don't wait! I had my 3 in my early to mid 40's , 41, 43, 45...all totally naturally, amazingly only needed gas and air in labour. They are he light of my.lufe, people assume I'm.much younger than I am...bonus! My husband is even older than me, he already had 2 but wanted more with me

Firstly – massive congratulations on finding your person. That in itself is wonderful, and it’s totally natural that it’s stirred up these feelings.

You’re not being unreasonable at all to consider trying. Yes, fertility is lower at 46, and there are more risks – but it’s not impossible. Plenty of women do have healthy pregnancies in their mid-to-late 40s, especially if periods are regular and health is good. It might not be easy, and you might want to explore things like AMH testing or speak to a fertility specialist, but it’s absolutely worth looking into if it’s something you want.

As for it being “unkind” on a child – I’d say loving, stable, financially secure parents who really want them trump age every time. Kids need presence, not just youth.

If your heart is pulling you towards this, follow it with open eyes. You deserve to explore this dream – it’s not too late. 💛

Sorry I think it’s too old you’re putting yourself and the baby at risk and babies are knackering which can easily cause friction between you and your partner. I’ve been there! My mum was 39 when she had me and although I was loved and well cared for I always felt a bit embarrassed as my friends all had younger parents. I feel ashamed to admit that now as an adult. I do however feel sad they didn’t get to see my kids grow up and all the milestones in between.

I was 42, a good friend 47, it just happened that way, both firsts (and lasts!)

I wouldn't worry about oh i'll be an older parent etc, no one knows what the future holds and there are many grandparents out there bringing up GC of young Mums. Sadly I've known parents who've died at a young age, so as much as one may try to plan, life doesn't always turn out the way you expected it to. Xxx

Wow, what an awful thing to say.

I had my first baby at 47 - I met my partner late in life and had to have IVF as he had to have a vasectomy reversal first and I was 40 at that time. It took many attempts at IVF but was finally successful after 10 trys! I had a really easy pregnancy and birth. My son is 27 and the light of our lives. I have no regrets at all.
Never really had any criticism coming my way. I think it has kept us young.
Go for it - be prepared that it might take a while to get pregnant but it will be worth it!
Good luck!

There is for many a much bigger gap between 60 and 70 than say 30-40 and 40-50 in terms of health

I knew a couple who were both fit and well, active and making the most of life at 60. Neither of them made it to 70.

@Bikergran don’t you think there is a difference between having a second or subsequent pregnancy at an older age, and having a first one at 47/48/49? I feel like if the body has done it before, it’s more likely to be possible- not really older parents, in their 30s, but I knew someone who needed IVF to conceive initially (identified fertility issues on both sides) but then had a surprise natural pregnancy very soon afterwards, resulting in a healthy baby. And I don’t think it’s ever been within the norm to have a first baby so late on in life.

Do it OP if doctors say there’s no reason not to. You will be tired but will regret not trying x

It's only since the advent of contraception that people think choosing to be an older mum is weird. My grandmother had her last child at 52, my mum was 44 when she had me. I never thought/noticed that my mum was older than my friends' mums, but she always kept very fit and active, and had a youthful attitude. I had my third child at 37, and I was no more tired or stressed at 37 than I was at 21, when I had my first. In fact I did want to have a fourth child, but my husband became ill, and the timing was never right. If you would like a family, go for it!

Congratulations on finding ur soul mate! Sorry you are going through this- infertility very hard whether due to social issues (such as not having found the right partner) or medical.

I think there’s a couple of things to consider. It’s not impossible (you will always hear stories of people who have got pregnant naturally at this age), but it is VERY rare (hence you hear about them). Chance of pregnancy is only about 3%, and the miscarriage risk is over 50%. There is a growing body of evidence to suggest you may get pregnant within 10 years of menopause but you are unlikely to go on to have a live child. Average age of menopause is 52 so chance of having a baby with your own eggs is low after about 42/43. Depends how willing you are to embark on the rollercoaster of ttc with those odds. Ivf even with PGT would also have very low success rates at that age, but if open to donor eggs your chances would significantly improve.
second thing to thing about is risk of pregnancy at that age- much higher risk of complications such as pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, still birth etc. but again there are people this age who have normal pregnancies .

i have a friend who had a baby via donor egg/ surrogate at your age and she is a wonderful mother and can provide her daughter with everything and more. But she is also very tired (but aren’t we all!).

good luck with whatever your decide

Let fate decide. Just see if you get pregnant. You know the risks. If you are willing to accept them then just go for it.

So 46 now, 47 when baby arrives if conceive quickly.

Can a 47 year old look after a baby? Yes. Absolutely.

Does a 60 year old want to be parenting a 13 year old? Or a 65 year old want to be trying to pack up all their 18yo stuff into a car and driving them to start of uni? Probably not.

My parents had me at roughly 30, DHs parents had him at roughly 40, and we are only a couple years apart in age. We had a child in early/mid 30s and it was very very clear the difference. My mum was 60 when baby was born, his mum 69. My mum works full time, is on the floor rolling around playing, running after them, playing football etc.

DHs mum just can't keep up with them, though she desperately wants to. She can't get back up off the floor and stand up quick enough, she gets tired running around. She was really fit, used to go on walking holidays, do all sorts of sport, but I would say in the 5 preceeding years she declined a lot.

There is for many a much bigger gap between 60 and 70 than say 30-40 and 40-50 in terms of health, and you would have a teenager in that time to contend with. It will also affect your child if parents are 70 and potentially declining when they're only in their early 20s. And they would be an only child with no other family members to share the burden with.

It would be too old for me, but that’s easy for me to say as I have children. If it’s something you really want then it’s only really yours and your OH’s opinion that matters