Is 46 too old for a baby?

I have two friends who had unplanned pregnancies in their later 40s (46 and 48) and who’s DC’s are now 18m and 8m. They are knackered! They are really struggling with the effects of poor sleep. One has returned to work to what is a really stressful job and her DH works very long hours as he’s a high flying exec so much more falls on to her.

They obviously both adore their babies but would not have chosen this path. They are also both very acutely aware of the fact that they’ll be “elderly” when their DCs leave uni.

To add to this, one is going through caring for a parent with dementia.

If you’re committed to having a child you need to get on with it. Sorry for being brutal but at your age this is not the time to be pondering things for another 6 months. You both need to get to a specialist asap to get your fertility tested. Then get some honest advice about whether it’s likely to happen naturally (obviously there’s likely to be a chance but equally the odds may well be against you). This is probably not a “come off birth control and have sex every other day for 6 months” situation (though obviously nothing stopping you doing that as well!!).

Consider now if you’d be prepared to use a donor egg, likely to hugely increase your chances (if you go for IVF I’d definitely use one). Also consider how much money you’d be prepared to spend and whether you’d be prepared to go abroad (somewhere reputable in the EU of course).

Also consider that there is a good chance it might not work- how would you plan to keep the relationship stable and happy?

I think it’s ok (not too old) but unlikely to happen unless donor conceived.

No it’s not too old. Most of those who tell you that you are have already got children. Why should you miss out on the joy of being a mother just because you didn’t meet Mr Right until you were in your 40s?

I had my DD in my 40s and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks and neither should you. I’ve found motherhood a lot easier than some of the younger mums I’ve met along the way. Several have told me that they wished they’d waited and done more with their lives before having children. I’d already travelled, got a great career and my own home so DD was the icing on the cake for me.

I didn’t think I’d ever have children and was sad that it hadn’t happened for me. I don’t worry about dying. Anyone can die tomorrow.

I think you’d regret not trying OP. Go for it!

Yep.

Tbh there are some 46 year olds out there who I think could definitely do it, and others who I think no way in hell should they. Depends on what kind of 46 year old you are imo, but ultimately it's your decision.

Yes, sorry, I think it's too old.

I think there are lots of things to consider.

And one should also be 'am I prepared to be a single Mum?'

Relationships don't always work out and it sounds like yours is very new. It's not uncommon in the first flush of love where everything is unicorns and rainbows to have all these baby thoughts and chats. But having a baby can be hard on any relationship and breaks many.

My worst nightmare !

Christ, that's really reckless.

In my opinion, yes.

49 I hope she has a happy healthy pregnancy.

Also menopause. You’re just not in the right place emotionally to care for a child.

Honestly. The chances of conceiving and carrying a healthy first baby to term at your age is miniscule. It is probably too late.

You could always try. But at your age the more likely possibilities are "nothing ever happens" or "miscarriage after miscarriage", which may well be physically and mentally traumatic. It's no longer as simple as "positive test, baby, yay!"

I am a child of older parents (conceived naturally after they thought they were done) and I do not recommend it.

This - it’s so easy to be carried away with what you want, not considering how that child is going to feel as they grow up having a parent that is so much older. I’m early 50’s and a grandmother and I could not conceive being a parent to a young child, I know I am too old no matter how fit and young I believe I am.

A friend of mine just got pregnant (unplanned) at 49. So it's certainly possible!

I wouldn’t. Even early forties is pushing it. It is sooooo tough physically and mentally.

I think it’s too old.

I had my second and last just before I turned 43 and I do think its too old, yes.

Especially as they will be an only child.

And you will be at least 47 before you give birth and probably older.

There is a lot of ageing that will happen to you between now and 60. I feel a lot older at 52 than I did at 46, when I was only just starting to notice the very first signs of ageing. You injure more easily, recover more slowly, start to quickly stiffen and ache. It will be harder to keep fit and active if you work and have a young child too. And you really need to keep activity up at these age as you lose fitness and mobility so rapidly if you stop being active for even quite short periods of time.

And of course people start dying in their 40s and 50s. Its frightening how many people I know who have died at these ages.

You also have higher risk of a child with additional needs and you need to think about how that will affect you and what will happen to the child when you die, which is likely to be early in their life.

I just wouldn't if I were you. For the child's sake too.

Yes, it's too old but not impossible.

A friend of mine at 45 conceived naturally. It's not impossible but the chances are slim over 40.

There is getting pregnant at 46 and having a baby at 46. Chances for the latter are not in your favour naturally. Obviously, you'll have people on here announcing that their aunt twice removed had triplets at full term at 48, but think of those massive families, e.g. Duggars and even they didn't manage to have babies into their mid/late forties despite having a baby every 18 months for decades

Don't let your boyfriend pressure you. If he definitely wants his own children he'd be better to look elsewhere, instead of using you.

I don’t know anyone personally in recent history with a successful first natural pregnancy post 45. Lots of pregnancies and lots of TFMR and miscarriages.

I had DD naturally at 41 and I know plenty that were 40-44 so it’s not impossible but be prepared for a lot of heartache and potential for issues that are not picked up by testing if you use your own eggs.

I know of many more successful with fertility treatment though.

I went from breastfeeding a 2 year old to perimenopause so a lot can change in a short time at that age.

Yes