Is 46 too old for a baby?

Age at first birth is hugely socially patterned - few educated, middle class women have children in their 20s now. They also tend to have smaller families overall. Obviously there are exceptions - and I know some personally - but there's no denying the overall trend. I was 40, which wasn't unusual in my wider social circle. But a mile down the road from where I live there's a relatively deprived estate - the mums going to school pick up there look a good decade younger than the mums at my child's school.

It’s actually gone up to 30.9 in recent years. Interestingly the age specific fertility rate for age 20-24 has dropped by 79% since its peak in 1964 as women in general are leaving it later.

What a silly - or alternatively, stupid - thing to say.

The average, let me repeat average, age for a woman to have a first, let me repeat first, child in the UK is 29. If 30 is too old - which it plainly isn't - then the majority of children in the country (when you include second and more children) are born to mothers who are too old in your view.

Of course, amongst less educated women - school leavers at 16, those who don’t go to university, etc - they will tend to have children earlier. But educated women with careers will usually wait until they’re 30’s.

I say go for it, if it’s meant to be it will be. The best of luck to you!

My grandad for 44 when my Mum was born, her mum almost 42. She had a wonderful childhood. Actually some of her friends parents passed in their 40s and 50s. Hers lived until almost 80 and 90. Everyone is different.

GP in that situation

Can anyone recommend the best way to get a health/fertility screening? Can you go through the gp or is it best to go private? I’m 35 and have been trying for a year.

I didn't. HTH.

hi, it's not too old but it's essential register as soon as you can for donor eggs. You can try naturally while you're going through the process of getting a donor at a clinic, but realistically you'll need a donor. Then you have excellent chances of a very healthy pregnancy and baby. I'm 52 with a 4 year old, conceived with an egg donor (and an older child). I don't think the negative comments about menopause expressed above should hold you back, nor other other negative comments about aging. Menopause hasn't stopped me being a super-active mum - we swim, camp, bike, do tons of energetic stuff. A low dose of HRT and basic vitamins help, plus having a partner who will genuinely do their fair share and work that's flexible (ideally). In terms of children being ashamed of having older parents, that's something to challenge - surely you'd challenge your kids for having ageist attitudes, just as you would challenge racism or sexism in your child. If they continue to feel like that - well, that's beyond your control! Go for it and don't let the negative views hold you back!

why do people start a thread. Esp of a topic with huge varying opinions and don’t reply back @Thebirdsang after 500 replies

or is it computer generated

I’m 46 and childless and think it’s objectively too old to plan for a pregnancy at this age. But I don’t have strong views on anyone else doing it.

I have a stronger 🙄 response the ‘pregnancy over 25 is cruel and traumatic’ types though.

I would be very interested to see the ages of those commenting on here who say it is too old. I find a lot of younger women think we all become withered fragile sexless crones after 40. I'm 71, with an active lifestyle, (one of my hobbies is riding a large motorbike!) an excellent sex life, and plenty of energy to deal with my grandsons. If you're fit and well and really want a family, go for it. Wouldn't hurt for both of you to have a full health/fertility screening first.

Also, no guarantee you'll stay with your partner. We all want babies in the first few months of love or infatuation. Think about the possibility of being a single mother if this happens -even more, the very high risk of chromosome defects, autism, etc etc. It's very reckless, and cruel for the child.

@Thebirdsangwhat are you leaning towards doing?

My friend was 46 when their youngest was born; they are 60 now.
All good. If anything it's kept them young.

DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER!

Good luck and I wish I'd been brave enough to do what you are contemplating.

Yes, it is too old. It's not fair for the child. My friend had a child at 44 and she is always resentful for having older parents who may not see their grandchildren. Also, my friend found it very hard to cope with the sleepless nights, the demands of babyhood, a toddler, and confessed to me she'd never go for that again at that age. She was very much in love with a younger partner as well, and having a child broke them.
Also, you'd probably need egg donation. Own eggs are very, very rarely viable at 46, even when periods are regular.

Sorry you had to go through that as well. What was annoying was they changed the criteria to two years a year later after we started clomid. 🤬 I just knew we had to have IVF to concieve so very frustrating.

Yes, this. I started ttc at 29, tried for 18 months before going to the GP, then had to wait for referral to gynae outpatients for the basic ovulation tests, lap & dye to check my tubes, then nine months on chlomid, then referral to the fertility clinic proper where we were told wasn’t available on the NHS (this was early 90s), so by the time we reached the private IVF clinic I was nearly 34. After several goes at IVF I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure at 39.

Please don’t listen to all the people saying you’re too old. You’re not. Life looks different for everyone. Absolutely go for it while there’s still a chance. Good luck!

Out of curiosity when we were TTC I looked up historical fertility rates at our equivalent of ONS. Before the onset of the Industrial Revolution, consistently more children were born to women aged 45 and more than to teenage girls. Of course those were more likely to be 10th than 1st children but still interesting. This trend started disappearing in the early twentieth century.

Also, threads like this are always surprising in a way. How can you have less energy at late 40s and 50s? All my friends and colleagues (my generation) are running marathons, doing orienteering, dog trekking, climbing, bouldering, training for Vasaloppet… In my martial arts club I am one of the youngest, most of the colleagues are in their late 60s and the sensei is pushing 80 (in my son’s dojo the sensei is pushing 90 btw). We had our first child way over 30 and we spent every holiday since DC was born hiking in various mountains around Europe. We’ve done interrailing with under 2s and if anything, it’s much harder now to spend holidays with DCs because they complain. We had to start doing geocaching to keep them interested!

Of course this is a self-selected sample because I share my free time with people who enjoy similar things as me, but honestly, if you have no energy at mid-life, it is very likely self-inflicted.

I had my dd at 42...Yes we are older parents but have never been treated any different by parents or teachers at the schools she went too. She has kept us young , having all her friends around to our house, chatting with them, getting to know them very well. We, my dh and l feel we are so more knowledgeable about life etc and have been able to pass this on to her. She is off to university this September, we will miss her so, so, much,at the same time excited for her, this is the best time of her life and we want her to enjoy every second. You should do what you want to do. You are in charge of you, no -one else is....in this world there are to many people dictating what we should and shouldn't do. Your life, no one else's, you should go for it. I hope it works out , l really do

Go for it! x

I am a ‘what’s meant to be will be’ kind of person, so if all other boxes are ticked (financially stable/set up etc.), I’d go off birth control and see what happens…

I kind of think if your egg quality and reserves are poor, your body is already telling you you’re too old.

Well aren't you lucky you managed to find someone young and then have fertility treatment quickly. I had to wait three years of TTC before I was even given any help. You are entitled to an opinion but I am entitled to say it is wrong. 😂