Is 46 too old for a baby?

I had my second at 43 - conceived easily so was obviously very lucky. While the health issues are worth considering they are marked increases of what are actually quite low risks (with the exception of miscarriage, which is unfortunately very high). Risk of Downs for instance is 1 in 30 but 45, so certainly not negligible, but still relatively low. I'm very aware as an older parent I'm likely to die when my children are younger, but we have money behind us so certainly will ensure our children would never be our carers. My parents both died when I was in my 20s and while it was a very painful time, I look at friends juggling elderly parents with their own children, their own failing health and other life events and am not sure if there is ever a good time. So I would say be cautious, do your research, keep your expectations in check and decide what you think is best for you.

I had my first and only a day after I turned 39. I found pregnancy tough and age was definitely a factor, even in late 30s. Partly not done it again as I don’t think my body would survive another pregnancy and birth. I also get called ‘grandma’ at nursery as all the other kids’ parents are in 20s. I love my daughter immensely and in some ways older is better (stability, maturity, life experience, no fomo) but I am acutely aware that if my child were to have kids in her 30s I will be well into my 70s by then, and it might be harder to have a hands on role, she’s also likely to be without both parents as a fairly young person. So…a lot to consider.

Physiologically, younger <35, is definitely better but older parents can certainly have other advantages for their children.

Goodness no. The baby stage would be fine I'm sure but into teenage years you're burdening a child with the swift and inevitable need to take care of their own parents as health declines. As an only child I can confirm that burden is significant and not to be ignored. Enjoy your relationship!

I don’t think it is too old if you are generally in good health, not overweight etc. I think the financial bit is actually the biggest thing here though as having a child is a big added financial pressure. See what happens. I am 47 and think I would conceive easily. My dh has had the snip so not happening here but I still get all the same ovulation symptoms every month and am not suffering from peri- menopause symptoms. Had my last baby at nearly 43 and he is a delight. I also think the fact that the dad is younger is a positive.

Life doesn't work like that!!! All parents need to be prepared for special needs. It's not something that should be singled out for older parents.

Go for it ! Probability of conceiving is quite low but you will never know unless you try !

I agreed 46 is probably too old to start trying.
But I had young parents and wished they had been older. I would have preffered quality over quantity.

Deliberately tagging OP @Thebirdsang so that you see this in the 6 pages of negativity.

I had my first via ivf at roughly 40. I then wanted number 2 a lot of miscarriages via ivf and then covid came finally a lot later than planned again via ivf number 2 at 47.

I would say you will feel tired, BUT no more than other mothers who have a toddler etc.

If you are doing this don’t wait to see if it happens just go see a specialist and get things moving.

There’s no telling how easy or difficult it will be to actually get pregnant, but if you want to be a parent, it’s not too old to become one, even if you need a bit of help.

I don’t get all this, it’s cruel to the child stuff. My dad died in his early 50s when I was in my late teens. Not because he was old, but because he got a very late stage diagnosis of cancer and died 4 weeks later. I wasn’t in anyway scarred for life just because I lost a parent young (I am NC with my mum so I basically don’t have parents, it’s like they’re both dead). It’s not something I really even think about now.

I’m 44 and could also get hit by a bus tomorrow and leave my children without a mother. Meanwhile, dh’s grandparents are well into their 90s and have seen their children live into their 60s/70s (including outliving one of them!).

There is no way to know what life will bring you, but you are certainly going to be in a better position in your mid 40s to be a parent than most people in their mid 20s. If you want to do it, I would crack on.

I reckon you should do what you want rather than listening to a bunch of judgemental strangers on mumsnet!
good luck with whatever decision you make ❤️

Perhaps you should just try to forget about it, get on with your happy lives together, relax...and let nature take its course. What will be will be.

I think it would be difficult to go through IVF but only you know how much (or not) you both want this.

You could just let nature answer this question.

Try, and see what the biological answer is.

Personally I don’t think you’re too old, you sound like you have a lot to offer as parents, and could give a child a very happy life. Good luck.

Perhaps, perhaps not but what is certain is that all risks do increase with age and that, statistically, older parents are likely to share less of their child's life too. Sure, some people are very lucky and live healthily until their 90s but most don't.

I'd say if you are financially able to, and are in good health - go for it, hope for the best but have low expectations.

I too yearned to become a mum but met my husband only later in life; and we are still TTC 4 years later. Still on the IVF journey and unsure whether to proceed with our remaining embryos after many failures (and also our age 43/42). It is expensive and physically/emotionally draining but I'm glad we tried.

I would also recommend going abroad for treatment; it's cheaper and they also have better care/technology especially with older patients. You should get one free first consultation - perhaps do that and go from there?

The risks are higher the older you get, no one is saying only older mothers are affected but statistically they are at higher risk and it’s wise to consider whether a high needs baby/child/adult is something they can cope with.

’oh but I know someone who’s baby had x, y, z and they were young’ isn’t helpful.

A dd has friends who’ve had healthy first babies at this sort of age. But as a pp said, don’t hang about!

Please don't do this. I wish people would stop for a minute and think about the child rather than themselves.

Thus is about what YOU want, not what any child would want. You would be 60 with a 14 year old!

Mid sixties with a child who is just about Uni age, whay would you do that to someone!

By the time your child was in their lat 20s, they would have to thinking of caring for elderly (let's be brutally honest), dying parents.

No it's not too old but you would need some money to throw at this. Many celebs having babies later are undoubtedly having ivf/donor eggs as its definitely going to be difficult to do naturally. Once you start down the road of wanting a baby it's hard to get off it without a baby...... Good luck x

Finances and energy are the least of your worries. Number one concern is health of the baby (if you mange to conceive). Number two concern is your health with pregnancy related complications and/ or impact of any fertility treatment you need.

autism is strongly linked to parental age (esp the father). Myriad other issues rise with advancing maternal age.

I have a dc with disabilities so I spend a lot of time in hospital and community clinics seeing a lot of suffering. Because of this we chose not to have another child while I was in my 40s - the age related factors were just too strong.

You need to start trying, like this afternoon! Seriously don’t waste a minute! It’s not too old if you’re still fertile but I think your chances of conceiving and going full term are low and there’s a lot of heartbreak associated with that.

People have been raised by grandparents throughout history so it's doable but possibly in previous decades, there was more extended younger family around to help and be role models - would you have anyone like that ? If he knew your age when you met then he should not really be thinking babies are on the agenda as it's still rare to conceive at that age. Does he think it's a strong possibility based on stories in the media about older mothers ? - many of whom user donor eggs from younger women

I say this every time one of these threads comes up - even if your baby is born apparently healthy, there's a huge link between older parents (both sexes) and ASD. I'm the child of an older couple (mum 43, dad 48) and have ASD, ADHD, crippling anxiety (from late diagnosis and a lifetime of masking) and (possibly related but no evidence to support) Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (a genetic disorder). Evidence also suggests the ASD link is also passed to future generations.

Had I known before having my kids that I was passing on my "faulty" genetic material and setting my kids up for my mental health issues, I'd have seriously considered remaining childless. I genuinely thought lots of love would make everything ok for my kids.

It didn't and as it is, both have varying degrees of ASD/ADHD. DS is the younger and I suspect his ASD hasn't yet fully come out to play. I'm expecting a horror show for his teens.

Don't do it OP. It's cruel and selfish.

I think its mad. Loads of risks go up. Chromosome issues (most cannot be tested for with antenatal testing), risks for birth etc. It's also one thing to have a baby in your late 40 and a teen in your early 60s.

Probably it's just theoretical anyways as your chances of conceiving will be marginal. I know it does happen (before anyone tells me they know someone who had a baby naturally at that age, but let's be real, it's extremely rare esp in the absence of IVF/donor eggs etc).

I'd add that my dad was 45 when I was born and honestly it's felt like he's been an old man nearly my entire life. He was great for the first few years but not really physically or mentally able to parent a teen and young adult. We have little relationship and he's really more of a grandparent figure to me now, sadly. My brother also had his kid at about 46 (wife was 40ish) and, while in much better health than my dad, their child has a lot of additional needs. They're happy, of course, and love my nephew, but it is tough. You can never guarantee a straightforwardly happy, healthy family but my personal experience is that older parenthood leads to challenges more often than not.