Is 46 too old for a baby?

Of course there will be people coming on here saying they got pregnant easily at 46, but the chances of conceiving naturally are tiny, so don't kid yourself there for a start.

TTC unsuccessfully will take over your whole life and send you spiralling through monthly moods of hope and gut wrenching disappointment. This is hard enough in an established relationship, in a new relationship it would be a mistake.

You need to be honest with your DP and yourself. Children for you as a couple are out of the question, sorry.

I sound harsh, but IMO it is too old yes. You would be 47 at birth, if you managed to get pregnant ASAP (and the odds are against you for falling pregnant very quickly unfortunately).

You then think through to the child's milestones and your age...

E.g.,

• When your child goes to school at 4/5yrs old, you will be 51/52yrs old.
• Secondary school for child at 11yrs, you will be 58 at least. Struggling through the teen years, exam stress, angst/hormones when you are early 60s.
• When the child is through uni and perhaps starting settling down (let's say 28) and maybe considering marriage/their own kids, they will have parents 75+ and the stress that comes with helping aging parents. It's a lot of stress.

BUT... it doesn't really matter what people think. It's your life and you only get one chance at it, so worth a shot if its something you really, truly want to do and you think its good for the resulting child.

I mean it’s possible of course people do it. I think it’s too old though.

Yes it's too old. If you aren't already you will be in menopause any day now and will feel knackered and slow and shit, even on HRT it hits hard. And having babies and children is hard work, it's hard work right up till they leave home, I actually think it gets harder as they get older, not easier.

And it's not fair on the child. When they are 15 you will be at least 60, and when they are 25 you will be 80, if you are still alive. You'll almost definitely leave them without a mum by the time they are 35, which is really shit for them, plus they will be dealing with your old age and infirmity when they are having their own children, making their life really hard and stressful.

It would be utterly selfish to have a child at your age Op, sorry.

Completely. I froze my eggs at 34 and the clinic I used didn’t accept women over 39 for egg freezing.

Will you ever forgive yourself if you don’t try to have the baby you and your partner want based on the opinions of a few strangers on an internet forum?

If you want a baby, go to the doctor and go to a fertility specialist, understand the chances, risks and what you can do to have the safest pregnancy possible.

Hi OP.

Congratulations on finding love!

Im a slightly older mum, I have two DC aged 3.5 and 1.5. I will be 40 in 2026. My advice would be think about the broad picture. Do you have family support to help you out when the going gets tough. Which it inevitably will unfortunately! Consider what type of job your DP has; when my DS was a baby DH worked abroad a lot and at times that was unbearably stressful especially when they were unwell. Another thing to think about is how well you manage without sleep. I am constantly tired as my DC don’t sleep very well and sometimes I feel gosh I’m too old for this. Personally I don’t feel all 40somethings are the same, some are “old” for their age and some are youthful and have lots of energy. I think to manage a baby you would have to be the latter category.

Only you know your circumstances but I would feel positive about it if you feel like you have the energy and support.

Best of luck whatever you decide

The fact you already at this stage believe you have met your 'soulmate' is the first sign that you should NOT go down this road. A child needs two responsible and able parents, committed to the child first and foremost.

Girls can naturally get pregnant in their early teens (and far more easily that women in their mid to late 40s). It doesn't mean it's a good idea! Society has evolved.

As an aside, people saying to think about fostering or adoption; those options aren’t the consolation prize for not having your own baby. The decision to foster or adopt is a totally different one to having your own child. It’s naive to conflate the two.

Blimey! What a weird fantasy about the OP refusing to allow a potential yet-unconceived child to leave home so they can be forced to be a carer!

46 is way too old to freeze your eggs, they’d already be past their best. Don’t think any reputable clinic would do it. Most clinics advise women not to use their own eggs over the age of 43.

Pension age is 67 now and will only get later. So that’s not true! And it seems irrelevant?

Surely the difference is that women very very rarely have their first and only at 46, naturally. The babies who are born to women of this age in the countries and cultures you are referring to are likely to be the youngest of a large family, so they are unlikely to be left all alone to deal with elderly parents and all the heartache and upheaval this can bring. And if they are orphaned, then there are likely to be older brothers and sisters left to look after them and love them.

If you are now 46 - you will reach retirement age before the child is even in collage/alevels. let alone uni...

How do you plan on affording the kid after you retire?
what about the health risks, bith to you and the child?
what is something (god forbid) happens to you befoer the child reaches majority?
Would you allow the child to move out and have their own life, considering depending on how long it takes to get pregnant - you could be vergin on late 60's/early 70's before that happens - and possibly needing care? would you allow the child to leave without manipluating them into staying to care for you?

I’d say give it a go, you say you’ve always wanted to be a mum. You can only try. Would def recommend It Starts With the Egg like a PP mentioned. The supplements are great for egg and sperm quality.

as an aside, I know various people who had babies naturally in their mid forties, and one who had an accident at 49. More miscarriages, but healthy babies at the end of it

I’m 54 and living with a horrific menopause and even more horrific cancers. I could not imagine having a child of primary school, with this life I have now. Of course you may remain fit and healthy, but think long and hard about it all.

Enjoy your lives together I say. 🌼😊

I don’t understand how a natural process can be wrong, immoral or selfish?

If the OP gets pregnant naturally at 46, surely that’s fine?

It’s not a criminal act. It’s not even an unethical thing to do; if it was, society would have evolved to make it unthinkable, like other human taboos.

What about women who get pregnant at 46 in countries where they have no access to birth control? Are they selfish? It’s a weird argument which seems quite subjective, sexist and weird when you think about it.

OP, it’s literally a choice for you and your partner and depends on your biology and personal circumstances. All the rest is just noise.

I'm the same age as op, and I also feel like I could cope with having a baby absolutely fine. The thing I'd be concerned with is keeping up with a child for the next 20 years and continuing to work full time. I wouldn't do it now unless I had sufficient pension and could either quit work for a good few years, or go part time and share full time parenting. The baby bit is a piece of piss!

I didn't meet my soulmate until I was 34 (although he'd been under my nose most of my life!!) and despite a couple of long term relationships prior I'd decided I wasn't ready for kids until later in life, so didn't have my first until 37 and second at 41. My maternity records even used the term 'geriatric' !!!!! Yeah it's sometimes hard work energy wise, but I personally feel I am in a better position financially, emotionally and experienced enough in my own life to 'parent'. Debatable as to whether we're still too immature mentally though 😂 Only you know if it feels right and if you have the support in place you need.

So you were 33? So your child has one parent of a reasonable age?

I'd speak with your GP. As never say never.

But honestly I had my youngest at 40 and that's worn me out! I'm 46 now and I think I physically couldn't now, I've just started having peri-menopause symptoms and they have aged me so bad (joint aches and tiredness etc.) you probably will have symptoms soon too as average age for starting peri-menopause beginning is 43.

Even having my youngest at 40 I am one of the older mum's and id like to still be working while she is still at University so I can help support her. It's something you need to think about.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to be raising a young child during perimenopause. It would be truly awful for my mental health, having experienced both states.

I think it is way too old

The odds of you falling pregnant naturally for the first time at 46 and it resulting in a live pregnancy are very slim. Most of your eggs will be abnormal at 46 so even if you have regular periods it’s unlikely. On paper I don’t think age alone is necessarily an issue, but biology unfortunately generally dictates otherwise. The only people I’ve known to have a first pregnancy after 45 have had to use double donors (egg and sperm) so the baby is not biologically theirs.