AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

They don't expect these responses from women because they are used to women being submissive, or at least "putting up with it", just smiling and carrying on. He'll have had that experience all his life.

He deserved it but mark my words, they will turn this against you now to make you the baddie

Sounds annoying. How old is he?

I could tolerate this from an 80+ year old.. I've got elderly relatives who say the same joke again and again, and honestly, at their age, I just laugh along and we get on fine.

But from a younger person, who has had the situation explained to them? That would annoy me. Probably not to the point of exploding, but certainly to saying something firmer.

I do think though generally speaking, that a lot of men, make these comments until they get pushback. The issue is that they are not expecting angry pushback, they are expecting "banter" pushback, because that is how male communication/relationships work. They push, the other man responds and pushes back, but never aggressively, because aggression = chance of violence/fighting in men.

The problem is that women don't communicate in the same way generally, so their "unfunny remarks" will keep not getting the pushback they are expecting (A cutting/insulting/crude joke back) so they just keep on going, ignoring any other response, until eventually the respondent gets angry or complains. At that point they are confused and don't understand what has happened.

Men who actually understand how to communicate, especially with different people, (especially with women) don't have this problem.

However, it's framed as a woman being a prisoner of her hormones or her menopausal state. Women having the menopause are still capable, rational people. It's as you say, we stop being people pleasers or #bekind.

Sometimes you have to have what I call the "firm word" with some people to reign in their behaviour.

You were quite right to put things straight

absolutely
he was Unkind

A lot of women find their anger during/after menopause because the lack of oestrogen frees them up to say what they really feel, rather than be people pleasers.

@Guttyyyyyyyyy

This! Simple as. Don't feel in the least bit guilty. I'd message his wife back & say he's upset YOU for the past 2yrs with his ignorant, insulting comments!! But I'm petty like that & can't let shit go!! 😆

Whatever money you wish to put on this as an "ongoing joke", is money you have lost.
You sound like the insulting, misogynistic dud or his wifey.

Do not blame the menopause for justifiable anger.
Women are always labelled hysterical, hormonal or whatever - you are not. You are justifiably angry with a goady, ignorant, rude man.

I suspect he will regret leaving the group, ask to rejoin at some point and then wheedle his way back in and try to make you look like the bad guy. Probably when you are away on holiday.

Just basing this on a similar dog walking group in my village that imploded with a man going off in a strop. The trouble with these groups is that beyond the dogs you don’t really have much in common.

Urgh I’ve met plenty of men like this. Fragile babies.

You never know: he might actually grow as a person from this and do some thinking. I wouldn’t hold your breath.

Of course, one of the reasons he has remained insufferable for so long is the enabling wife who has laughed at his ‘jokes’ and listened to his ‘stories’ all this time.

None so insipid as the #bekind brigade. In this case it just means women putting up with bad behaviour.

Also with an odd obsession with "barrels".

She seems convinced OP calmly speaking up and informing said twat of some pertinent facts was "letting him have it with both barrels".

What a way to have spent your day off!

By 8am you’d already walked the dog, raging, been back and forth with AF’s wife, started a mumsnet thread… and then spent the day posting on mumsnet arguing with some posters or updating the thread with updates and also the situation was now being discussed on the dog walking group!

Enjoy your dog walk today
and enjoy your day off!

I am just here for the updates really. It seems that men like this nearly always have a wife who enables their crappy behaviour and leaps in to defend their ridiculous fragile egos. They're happy to make ignorant digs at women but need to go crying to their enabling wife to sort things out for them if they're ever challenged. Pathetic.

Enjoy your wonderful peaceful dog walk this morning OP - I bet there will be lots of others who are really happy that AF has left. Go you!

But you are talking about OP - this comment was directed at her. It’s beyond me why posters think OP should let her DH fight her battles for her - or why he would want to. The comments aren’t made to him, they’re made to OP - who is clearly quite capable of shutting it down.

No-one told him anything. That’s the point. He doesn’t know the ins and outs of her day - he’s decided for himself that on the days her DH walks the dog, OP is at home lazing in bed and keeps confronting the OP with his little ‘joke’. Why would her DH tell this man something that wasn’t true - on the days he walks their dog OP has left for work at 6am.

I don’t think l’ve ever seen an MN poster so completely miss the point.

I couldn't have coped with 2 years of that but I'm confrontational fucker. Good for you for putting him in his place, hopefully you won't see him again.

She’s actually been very tolerant, for two fucking years. Did you miss that bit?

I would also tell the wife about her husband's lady boy comments since she thinks he's so amazing. Then post #Don'tberacist

I hope you put ‘I wholeheartedly agree!’

It’s hilarious that he went crying to his wife telling tales of how his feelings were hurt by this awful (nasty) woman and got her to stand up for him 😂

Some men after a certain age, and in the absence of any corroborating evidence, seem to think they are now great wits and they should share their thoughts with random women while chuckling away. These thoughts usually involve mocking women for going about their ordinary business - it's a senior version of work "banter". And his wife saying he was upset - well that's on him for repeating a non-funny denigrating comment for two years which you have refuted, rather than laughing along, for two years. He should treat this as a valuable opportunity for reflection on his behaviour. Thankfully, it has not (yet) affected my husband. I certainly wouldn't be making excuses for him if it did.