AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

Of course you were trying to make OP the villain. You actually said that she wasn't the decent person that people were making her out to be. You have consistently minimised this man's behavour towards OP which has been going on for two years even after it has come to light that he was also directing racist comments at another dog walker. You even used this new information to blame OP for not speaking to him about it when she has only just found this out.

He doesn't sound like the sort of man any decent person would defend but you keep doubling down.

I used to bump into a dick like this and his overly indulged fat spaniel on my walks.
His only way of engaging in conversation was to make jibs and “jokes” which only he thought were funny.

My guess is he is mid/ late 60s, wears socks with his sandals and has a hat on the parcel shelf of his car 😂
He’s a twat and didn’t like being called out

Well done OP 💪🏻

For two years OP tried to shut him down quietly and politely. That she had to lose her cool to get him to stop is on him, not OP. Same goes for offering an olive branch. Nothing disproportionate in her reaction, which was brought about by his failure to acknowledge what she was actually telling him, and doubling down on the ‘joke’. So l agree, he isn’t part of the problem. He is the problem.

I disagree. I think he knows perfectly well what he's doing. He just feels entitled to do it.

Yes, that's worrying. Why are the others tolerating him?

Well this dog walking group itself seem to have allowed a racist misogynist bully to operate within their group for years (and I bet he’s a homophobic too)

And no one has had it out with him before when he’s been voicing these views?

This racist would have been asked to leave the group I walk with years ago

Hope you have a lovely dog walk this morning OP and hopefully no comments to endure as he won’t be there (or he might be, but he’ll have brought wifey as a shield!).

I reckon you’ll be the hero of the group and most people will have something to say about how irritating they found him too.

Then you can all move on and just enjoy your dogs enjoying their walk.

Can’t believe how many apologists are on this thread defending the racist misogynist. Shame he flounced out of the group before he could be kicked out.

I’m part of a dog walking group
if this kind of thing was playing out on the group chat, I’d probably have muted it at the start so I’d be rocking up with no idea of all the drama.
I love fact my dog walking group is… just that. Company whilst walking the dog, chew the fat about holidays, weather, plans for the day… then leave and don’t think about them again until the next walk two days later. Bliss!

Do you think he knows that he was "set right" for 2 years though?

I'd bet none of that even registered with him.

That was my point - for men who can't communicate in anything other than 'Male banter' styles, they don't register serious 'replies'.. let alone how few men understand subtle looks and responses, and have no idea when someone is annoyed at them. They respond to - banter back, or aggression/overt emotions.

I'd be willing to bet if you asked this man at any point before yesterday "have you been annoying that woman" he would be blindsided and confused, and think that they have a friendly laugh every time they see each other.

None of that excuses him, but just explains the disconnect between his reaction to her getting annoyed, and her perception of the situation.

Sorry you had to put up with that Nannyfannybanny

I had similar comments in a different scenario.

The thing that really makes me livid is the sheer entitlement of these blokes who think they have the right to make assumptions and judge women’s lives and then express those judgements out loud to her face.

And the comments are far from harmless; they are misogynistic and intended to undermine women’s credibility and professionalism, because according to them, in their own warped little minds, no woman could possibly have a carer as important as a man’s.

It will be interesting to know what the chat in the group is this morning and if he turns up,

Mmmmm. I think that is too lenient a view tbh. Men may banter like that between themselves, but they usually don’t communicate like that with women. And op had set him right for two years and he still persisted … he knew what he was doing, he just didn’t like being called out on it.

Hold your head up high this morning op. He should have apologised. If this bloke doesn’t turn up; you will have done the whole group a favour!

Yes, indeed. It should not be an insult "she's very menopausal", "I'm feeling a bit menopausal". The OP questioning her response because of it

It's a change in life for the better.

Some men do love to wind us up then play the victim when we snap back.
You were in the right. He deserved it.

Enjoy this mornings walk!!! What a total prick

No my gay male friend has put on the chat that annoying fucker never passes comment on him or his husband when they alternative dog walking. As in he only picks on women.

Was this in the chat where dickhead dog walker and 'be kind' wife could read?

Good for you. I have had similar scenarios with neighbour..I worked ft nights nursing with 100 mile round trip commute (driving) course he would see me about in the day. I got these sort of comments. I'd done a 12.5 night shift, driven home 90 minutes on a good day. He had an office based job 2 miles away. My DH said he was harmless but thoughtless,he's working in the day,so didn't see this side of things till he retired. I worked damn hard,4 DKs quarter of an acre garden,used to look after my dgk after a night shift and friends 4 kids after school. Course now I'm retired I do nothing,he's now retired really does do nothing!! He's a poor me winger and gets people doing everything for him.

Agree - in a patriarchal society it’s easier to frame it that way. Instead of being seen as women being prisoners of their hormones, menopause should be celebrated as the throwing off of the shackles !!

women are allowed to be upsetting! i am so glad you finally let him have it. wife was out of order

Just read all your posts @Guttyyyyyyyyy
God he sounds so annoying… I can imagine him and what he’s like.
Well done for telling him straight. It’s about time someone did. Good for you x

Well done Guttyyyyy. You stated the facts. And he just didn't like being challenged. And his wife's #bekind response was particularly teeth-grinding.

It's a shame a few more misogynists (both male and female varieties) don't get told more often. Maybe then they'd stop with this crap.

To all the women on here saying OP should not have overreacted, should have stayed calm, or that women need to educate men, or that OP should apologise, I feel sad for you that you think someone should not just assertively state the facts such as OP did. If anything, it was somewhat of an under-reaction. (And to any men on here saying that, well, perhaps some of you have a vested interest in maintaining a totally dysfunctional and outdated status quo.)

No doubt some of you sensitive, peace-keeping, don't-rock-the-boat types will be therefore shocked to read the following vignette:
In my much younger days, I once challenged a man about his ongoing sexist bullshit and he then asked if I was 'on the rags.' I responded with: 'Well, a matter of fact I certainly am, Brad, and it's quite a heavy, clotty and impressive one, but...do enlighten me as to what YOUR excuse is for being a cunt all month long?' (This was long before I went through the menopause by the way.)

Feel free to tell me I overreacted. 🤣

Guttyyy, you are an absolute legend doing the work you do. One of the hardest jobs in the world. I salute you on all levels. Thank you for all that you do.

(edited for spelling)

Oh, yes, that's definitely going to happen. Stand your ground, OP.

This is a morning dog walking group. OP and her DH don’t walk their dogs together - they swap around on OPs days off. This man only makes these comments to OP. Given that DH isn’t there how would he hear it ?