AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

@Blackdow have you ever politely suggest someone leave for bullying? And if they then refused to, would that be the end of the matter?

Over years it is very clear now the rest of the group are commenting that people have e been acutely aware of this man bullying and ridiculing the women in the group

no one has said a thing beyond a polite suggestion he leave for bullying no less a few years ago

This was for BULLYING!!

It’s clearly a dog walking groups. OP says they’ve been walking together for 2 years. So, of course he knows stuff. After two years, you get to know people and the patterns they use. This guy has noticed that sometimes OP walks the dog but sometimes her husband walks the dog. When it’s the husband, the guy doesn’t reference his days off or make any comments about how the husband must have had a lazy day. But when it’s OP, he constantly makes jokes about her having had a day off dog walking and calls her lazy. She has spent two years replying that she has been at work but he has kept going, so she told him more forcefully and detailed her time spent with people dying.

There is nothing weird about the set up or how the guys knows anything.

It’s a polite turn of phrase to tell someone to leave. First day of British politeness for you?
I host a book club and have, on a couple of occasions, “suggested someone leave.” It just means politely and heavily hinted that it’s not the right group, and the person always leaves. Really not an unusual turn of phrase.

Also found out that it was suggested he leave a community gardening group a few years ago due to a bullying incident ( against a woman)

wtf…, they suggested it? And he said “nah, I’ll crack on”, and the group said “ok cool”?

All these members of the group now getting involved…. Why didn’t they at some point over the last few years? Your good friend messaged that annoying fucker only does this to women… meaning that he must have heard him doing it loads

🙄 jeez. Calm down. Do you always get this invested and angry on behalf of a stranger posting on the internet?

my Point being he clearly knew before she explained to him the situation, otherwise op wouldn’t have needed to explain herself the first time….

Seems his true colours are poking through and yet another group he is going to have to leave as a result; well, I HOPE he bloody leaves on his own accord! Why do these men think this behaviour is acceptable?!

Agreed.

YADNBU! Maybe he'll think twice before being a twat to other people. Sometimes individuals need to be taught just how obnoxious and irritating they actually are. I'd like to hope he's learnt something from your interaction, but the fact his wife has messaged you I suspect he's still completely oblivious to his twatish ways and sees himself as the victim.

I bet his wife is used to having to smooth things over because he is so rude.

Well done @Guttyyyyyyyyy

I see this as a small but an important stand against the patriarchy which AF has lived and benefitted from his whole life.

An honorable high five to the gay man who also pointed out AF's CFery. A good example of being a good ally.

That deserves the "No, you be kind," response. Or similar.
Don't let them get away with the passive-aggressive fuckery.

Sounds about right. Bet he was telling his wife that you were a mad woman, shouting at him for no reason. He will no play the victim and tell anyone unfortunate enough to listen to him that he was bullied out of the group by a woman. Expect he would refer to you as a Karen but not sure if that's more of a younger male misogynist slur.

Just tell her that his relentless comments to you over the years day in day out have upset you, yet you’ve been expected to grin and bear it despite politely telling him that it was not the case. How many more years were you expected to put up with this? This says more about him than it does about you.

So lying scum.

That racist mark should be past round the group so people know exactly what he's like.

He needs to be made completely unwelcome if he tries to rejoin.

He has form and by lying to his wife knew bloody well he was offensive.

How you tolerated that for two years is shocking of itself.

Men like that need to be told "STFU and stay away from me/us".

My lovely gentle friend said a version of this to a man that kept spouting off to her and her friend, racist bullshit about foreigners when they were out walking the dog.

She also contacted local policing who were most helpful.
She saw him being spoken to and he now gives them a wide berth.
Retired foghorn out walking looking for someone to listen to his offensive views.

Men like this get worse as they age.

Are you not familiar with the situation, usually in a work or volunteering setting, where one person is causing a nuisance and no one says anything? And they all put up with this person’s behaviour grudgingly because they don’t want to be the one that sticks their head above the parapet?

It’s a fairly common group dynamic.

But then it goes on even longer and maybe the poor behaviour escalates, and then one person suddenly has had enough and protests forcefully, and as soon as that happens, several more people find their courage and join in.

Glad you didn’t have to deal with him again op! People like this are always cowardly and play the victim too. And judging from other people’s comments he has form for this. A really pleasant individual.

If his wife is on Mumsnet; I hope she is ok.

Can’t believe the number of people who try and make you feel bad for putting him in his place. The problem with people like this is that they are so insensitive, they don’t respond to normal firm but polite responses. That’s the point! So all guns blazing is sometimes the only way, and I say that as someone who tries to be polite and give the benefit of the doubt.

And being a palliative care nurse op, a profession that takes endless diplomacy, understanding and patience, I don’t know why certain posters are doubting your people skills!

The contortionist bendings people will go to to get a pop on at the OP on here are actually pretty impressive!

Stands to reason he was going to lie about it.

I’d be very surprised if he keeps away, usually his type have rhino skin.

I wonder if his wife will apologise to you for not checking before confronting you.

With every update from the OP this man sounds worse & worse. Now we can add lying to his wife to the list of his social crimes. And previous form for this kind of thing.
I hope your dog walking group is now a much happier place OP.

Met my AF this morning. He was moving something out of the way, asked if I was coming out (tbh,if I see him I usually wait inside,(dogs are walked elsewhere thanks) he asked if I was coming out, I said I had to go to the pharmacy,sort out an issue,he told me that he never has any problems with them and it must be my fault. Pretty sure after 40 plus years nursing I actually know what I am doing!