AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

I’m not saying they can tell him to leave, @Livelovebehappy - but they can make it clear he isn’t welcome in their group on the beach. He can walk his dog on his own.

Absolutely remove from the WhatsApp group, but OP suggests that they all just usually meet up at the same time daily on the beach for a dog run around kind of activity, rather than an actual walk. If the guy turns up with his dog at the beach, he can hardly be demanded to leave. People can ignore him, but can’t dictate who can or can’t be at the beach at the same time as they are on any particular day. Anyway, leaving this thread. Can’t believe I’m getting so invested in this….

You can, however remove them from the WhatsApp group (irrelevant in this case, as he’s removed himself), and make it clear he isn’t welcome to join the group walking their dogs together, @Livelovebehappy.

You can’t just kick someone off a dog walk. If someone told me I’m not welcome to walk my dog at 10 in a morning at the beach, I’d laugh in their face! Honestly I didn’t think walking your dog could result in so much drama. I got my dog to get myself exercised and outdoors, seeing it as relaxing and chilled. Didn’t realise there was all this Jeremy Kyle drama going on for something as mundane as going out for a walk with dog in tow.

Maybe he was doing it carefully, so the individuals who were targeted didn’t realise they weren’t the only ones he was doing it to, @Thesecondcoff - and it’s only now that one person has spoken out, they are all realising it was part of a pattern.

@Thesecondcoff
Oh, I understand what you’ve done. The OP mentioned that he was kicked out of a community gardening group for this behaviour, and you’ve misunderstood and thought he was asked to leave the dog walking gang but ignored that and kept going.

He’s never been asked to stop dog walking with them all. He was kicked out of a gardening group (and the OP used a polite phrase to describe that) and you’ve gotten really wound up about it.

Take a breath and let that go. This is the first time it seems that his behaviour has been noticed group wide and then discussed by the group, and he has now left. So it’s all sorted. Sadly the woman who he made racist jokes to didn’t come forward with it when that happened, but not everyone wants to complain about someone. He’s been found out now though.

All on same what’s app group?

But there is no walking group arrangement? Just because you have a few of the people on WhatsApp doesn’t mean they’re a formal meet up group. Or at least OPs post doesn’t suggest that. Didn’t realise that walking your dog at the same time as someone else each day means you’re part of an official ‘group’. I’m hoping the other dog walkers who I bump into regularly on my morning walk don’t think I’m a member of a dog walking troupe…..

It doesn’t sound like anyone discussed it before. He seems to have only directed racist comments at one person (the ladyboy comments about that person’s friend) and that person stopped going rather than tell anyone about it.
Then OP’s friend pointed out that he only makes these comments to OP and never to him or his husband despite them alternating, so maybe he is the only other one who really noticed? Until this incident became OP spoke firmly back to him so that would draw attention. I’m not convinced people in the group had really paid any attention to his behaviour before as they’ll all be having their own individuality chats within the group.

I just can’t imagine that all these people knowing how appalling he was (as evident so many were aware) and yet he remained in the WhatsApp chat and was allowed to continue unfettered for year until…. Yesterday.

@Thesecondcoff

I’ve read the OP’s posts again. No one has asked this man to leave the dog walking group at all. Certainly not years ago.

You’re seething anger at the phrase “suggested he leave” is just very very odd. We all know what it means. It isn’t a request or optional. It’s being kicked out, but with polite wording. It’s just a turn of phrase and you need to calm down. The guy left a gardening group after being asked to. Now he has left this group after people started speaking about his behaviour openly.

Just calm down.

It might be due to twatty man, or may also be due to other twatty dog walkers who they come into contact with.

well that isn’t what the op said so I’m inclined to believe her version that the person left before of the bullying of this man

Kept him on the WhatsApp group didn’t they?

despite full on bullying that resulted in suggestion to leave years ago
and clearly walkers in group being acutely aware of this man’s racism misogynistic views…. They continue to include him in the group walking arrangements

I do not remember that at all from OP’s posts. You can quote it and tag me so I see it.

So in your analogy its like that cabinet minister remaining in his position for years after the PM supposedly politely fired him

Do you not see that this group DID suggest he leave following bullying years ago

he didn’t leave!! And the group just cracked on

head wall bang

You do see that it was suggested a few years ago that he leave

but he stayed

they kept him on the WhatsApp group etc

despite knowing he was a bully years ago

You’re really not understanding. It is telling them to leave. It isn’t a request, it isn’t optional. It’s literally a turn of phrase which means “you’re no longer welcome.”

Like when the prime minster says they have “accepted a cabinet member’s resignation.” The cabinet member was fired. We all know that’s what it means. Asking for someone’s resignation and then accepting it is a polite turn of phrase for them being fired, but letting them save face.

When you run a group and you suggest someone leaves, you’re politely telling them to get lost. Everyone always leaves; I’ve never been in the situation where I’ve had to be more explicit and tell them to get lost but if it ever happens, I obviously would as they’re not welcome.

But it doesn’t seem like an official group. Just a group of people who take their dogs for a walk at the same time everyday, probably not as in an organised group thing, but more of a circumstantial one, where the walk just fits in with their timings. I see the same people on my dog walk in a morning, but only because we probably all have other commitments which means that’s the time slot we can do for that particular chore. I definitely don’t see it as a group set up. So I don’t get why people have ‘left’ the group due to bullying. It might be due to twatty man, or may also be due to other twatty dog walkers who they come into contact with. Or maybe all this arguing and silly back and forth of confrontation on the walks makes people think ‘I just want to walk my bloody dog in peace so I can get back to work/house chores/shopping’.

people have actually left the group because “bullying”. So its clearly more than just an arsey Middle aged twat.

which adds to how bloody weird it is that there’s been a cloak of silence over this group stopping anyone from saying anything aside from a few years someone politely “suggested” he leave due to bullying. He declined.

and the Op yesterday.

None of the men in this group said anything over the years despite it now being evident that fellow walkers were definitely aware of his bullying and racism

But he’s just an arse? If I spent time with someone who behaves like an arse, I’d just think ‘here we go again’, roll my eyes and either ignore him or talk to someone else. It’s easy to avoid someone in this sort of situation where you’re walking in an open area, with potentially other dog walkers you can chat to instead. I walk my dog and there are some people who I’d rather not converse with and I just avoid. No big drama. Just ignore and walk in the other direction or chat to someone else. I’m sure the guy doesn’t purposefully seek OP out in a group situation just to repeat this again and again?

Yes! Why is it another bloody job for a woman to do. He’s an adult, lives in the world, should know this is not acceptable but oh no poor lil man needs someone to help him. Fuck. That.

Didn’t you see my follow up after that?

Did you see the follow up about the lady boy comment? He's a jerk.