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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

637 replies

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 07:57

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

OP posts:
Iheartlibrarians · 02/06/2025 08:31

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:23

I put money on this being an ongoing joke between him and your DH and your dh whinges about it to him

Two posters think the husband - who is aware that his wife is going to her difficult job rather than lazing round the house- has been saying the opposite to a neighbour?

I think probably not.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:31

ThatCalmCat · 02/06/2025 08:26

He's upset? That's laughable. If he's that sensitive, perhaps he should reflect on his own actions.

Too often, good people are so worried about upsetting others that we allow ourselves to stay silent, while we continue to be hurt instead.
Good for you for speaking up.

As for menopausal rage - personally, I see it as nature’s way of recalibrating. It’s a powerful force against injustice and unfairness. Plus you can use it as an excuse 😉

Do you feel better for it? You should.

Surely his wife has had her fair share of unfunny jokes levelled at her over the years.

I do feel better.

OP posts:
ConnieHeart · 02/06/2025 08:31

Yanbu. I bet he doesn't make comments to your husband about him having a lie in on his days off, does he?

ConnieHeart · 02/06/2025 08:29

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:24

Well he’s hardly likely to say “yes dear it’s a joke I’m having with him, I whinge about me being your slave” kind of thing is he… given you are raging before his very eyes!

Show quote history

There's this thing called trust. It's very handy to have in a relationship

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:27

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:24

Well he’s hardly likely to say “yes dear it’s a joke I’m having with him, I whinge about me being your slave” kind of thing is he… given you are raging before his very eyes!

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Nope, other friends would have told me. I think you're projecting there x

OP posts:
Nominative · 02/06/2025 08:26

Reply to the wife to say she is possibly unaware that her husband has been picking on you for two years and saying that having time off from work is being lazy. You simply felt it was time he knew the facts. Perhaps she should point out to him that he shouldn't jump to conclusions about other people.

ThatCalmCat · 02/06/2025 08:26

He's upset? That's laughable. If he's that sensitive, perhaps he should reflect on his own actions.

Too often, good people are so worried about upsetting others that we allow ourselves to stay silent, while we continue to be hurt instead.
Good for you for speaking up.

As for menopausal rage - personally, I see it as nature’s way of recalibrating. It’s a powerful force against injustice and unfairness. Plus you can use it as an excuse 😉

Do you feel better for it? You should.

Surely his wife has had her fair share of unfunny jokes levelled at her over the years.

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:24

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:22

It absolutely isnt, DH is a fantastic support and is hopping mad at him.

Show quote history

Well he’s hardly likely to say “yes dear it’s a joke I’m having with him, I whinge about me being your slave” kind of thing is he… given you are raging before his very eyes!

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:24

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:22

Sorry? I don’t understand

one of your friends has said her DH does the same?

Show quote history

No my gay male friend has put on the chat that annoying fucker never passes comment on him or his husband when they alternative dog walking. As in he only picks on women.

OP posts:
Depte · 02/06/2025 08:23

I put money on this being an ongoing joke between him and your DH and your dh whinges about it to him

gamerchick · 02/06/2025 08:23

Guavafish1 · 02/06/2025 08:03

I think you over reacted

Sometimes you have to overreact to male banter. How will they know how fucking irritating they are?

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:22

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:18

I reckon it’s your DH whinging to him

It absolutely isnt, DH is a fantastic support and is hopping mad at him.

OP posts:
Depte · 02/06/2025 08:22

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:17

A friend has just replied to her on the chat - basically saying her DH only says shit like this to women, never to him or his husband who also alternate on the dog walks. 🐕.

Sorry? I don’t understand

one of your friends has said her DH does the same?

Ellie1015 · 02/06/2025 08:20

Absolutely his problem not yours. Ridiculous his wife getting involved. Good someone else noticed and commented.

ButteredRadishes · 02/06/2025 08:19

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:17

A friend has just replied to her on the chat - basically saying her DH only says shit like this to women, never to him or his husband who also alternate on the dog walks. 🐕.

🤣

ButteredRadishes · 02/06/2025 08:19

I'd just ignore it all tbh. The guy won't speak to you again now and won't make his "funny jokes" any more. You've won.

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:18

I reckon it’s your DH whinging to him

WtafIsThat · 02/06/2025 08:18

I’d see what Chat GPT says and respond with that. 😂 It will be blunt but amazing.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:17

A friend has just replied to her on the chat - basically saying her DH only says shit like this to women, never to him or his husband who also alternate on the dog walks. 🐕.

OP posts:
delilabell · 02/06/2025 08:11

He definitely deserved it. It's passive aggressive nastiness.
Do you need to be in the group? If not I'd retort to the # then mute the group.
Not only is he nasty hutbhe hides behind his wife. What a twat.

EweCee · 02/06/2025 08:10

I would definitely respond to her private chat saying that her husband had not been kind - for two years! - when he continually made sexist comments despite being politely told the truth and that he therefore deserved a reality check.

Whether I then said something on the group chat would depend on my mood....

DontTouchRoach · 02/06/2025 08:08

Guavafish1 · 02/06/2025 08:03

I think you over reacted

She’s been listening to the same joke every single week for two years about her being ‘lazy’ because her retired husband walks their dog on the days when she is caring for the dying on a palliative ward.

If anything, I think she underreacted.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 02/06/2025 08:07

Fucking hell. I don't think I'd be able to restrain myself. Yes, he should #befuckingkind and stop continually upsetting people until they snap. What an absolute twat.

toomuchfaff · 02/06/2025 08:07

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:03

Thank you. I was slightly worried that my menopausal rage had taken over. DH agrees with you all . She has just put a message on the watsapp group #Be Kind.
Oh the irony 🙄

Maybe put a reply on that mentioning her husband and his 2yr bullying campaign of a palliative care worker... so good to see she is pushing this bekind mantra now because he's pushed you over the edge! 😋

Anyotherdude · 02/06/2025 08:06

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:03

Thank you. I was slightly worried that my menopausal rage had taken over. DH agrees with you all . She has just put a message on the watsapp group #Be Kind.
Oh the irony 🙄

“People who live in glass houses…”

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