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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

637 replies

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 07:57

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 02/06/2025 09:52

TheOriginalEmu · 02/06/2025 08:39

I really don’t understand situations like this. You’ve laughed it off this long then exploded in irritation. From your perspective this has been a long time coming, but from his you’ve been fine and laughing all along and have suddenly turned on him. All of this could have been avoided if you just politely said ‘XX I appreciate you’re only joking, but I am actually at work doing s stressful sometimes upsetting job, I am not having a lie, I’m working. Now let’s please leave it there?’, two years ago!

maybe it’s a ND thing, but people just don’t say what they mean and that’s very confusing to me.

So it's the OPs fault ?

sugarapplelane · 02/06/2025 09:51

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Why are you being so obtuse?
What gives you the impression that this is a joke between the CF dog walker and Ops DH?
I’m really interested to know

Rosscameasdoody · 02/06/2025 09:51

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People like you are the reason men get away with this shit. Yes, you’re projecting - why else would you think a husband who is aware that his wife is up and out of the house at 6am, doing a demanding, stressful and I’m sure often distressing job, would engage in banter about her sending him out to walk the dog while she lazes in bed ?

DwarfBeans · 02/06/2025 09:51

Well done @Guttyyyyyyyyy 👏🏻 I’m pretty sure everyone in that walking group already knows what a sexist arsehole he is and hopefully he might give you all a break from his presence.

CowboyFromHell · 02/06/2025 09:49

Guavafish1 · 02/06/2025 08:03

I think you over reacted

Unfortunately, with people like this man who underthink, overreacting is the only way to go. Well done OP, you definitely did the right thing.

Smallsalt · 02/06/2025 09:48

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:03

Thank you. I was slightly worried that my menopausal rage had taken over. DH agrees with you all . She has just put a message on the watsapp group #Be Kind.
Oh the irony 🙄

So you post

"Absolutely be kind.....and that extends any individual who thinks its appropriate to make demeaning and sexist comments over a 2 year period"

Rosscameasdoody · 02/06/2025 09:45

Boreded · 02/06/2025 09:28

But if we don’t educate them properly then how will they change?

I’m not a perfect human who has never upset someone in their life, and I am sure I will upset dozens more before I die. But at no point is any harm ever meant, so someone explaining to me that they were upset gives me the opportunity to apologise and alter the behaviour that they found offensive.

If someone I upset had reacted in the way the OP did, I would be much less likely to want to set the situation right. And if I had reacted in the way the op did then I would understand that someone wouldn’t want to approach the issue with me until I apologised.

i just don’t want to believe that ALL men are awful, because I know from experience that they are not, but some are oblivious to their stupidity

Show quote history

So you think apologising for the well deserved reaction to his misogynistic, passive aggressive bullshit is the way to educate him ?

Spinachpastapicker · 02/06/2025 09:43

TheOriginalEmu · 02/06/2025 08:39

I really don’t understand situations like this. You’ve laughed it off this long then exploded in irritation. From your perspective this has been a long time coming, but from his you’ve been fine and laughing all along and have suddenly turned on him. All of this could have been avoided if you just politely said ‘XX I appreciate you’re only joking, but I am actually at work doing s stressful sometimes upsetting job, I am not having a lie, I’m working. Now let’s please leave it there?’, two years ago!

maybe it’s a ND thing, but people just don’t say what they mean and that’s very confusing to me.

Ofgs. OP never said she laughed it off. Go re read her OP - she actually states right there that she either ignores him or tells him she works. Absolutely no mention of her laughing about it.

you may be ND but that doesn’t excuse you for lack of reading comprehension and from blaming OP for something she didn’t do!!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/06/2025 09:43

He deserved it and his wife can fuck right off with that tired old be kind bullshit.

He wasn't Being Kind for the last 2 years of digs at you was he?

LoyalShaker · 02/06/2025 09:41

I would like to know just what his problem is? Thank you for all you do to make patients lives more bearable. My lovely dad had palliative care. I don't know how we would have managed without the wonderful health care workers we worked with. xxx

Ragruggers · 02/06/2025 09:41

He is a boring idiot there are plenty of them around.I have met many of them I am old.Just be thankful you don’t live with him.!! He thinks he is funny be interesting if you see him again my guess is he will ignore you.Job done.Enjoy your dog walk.

Spinachpastapicker · 02/06/2025 09:40

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ODFOD as well

HelpMeUnpickThis · 02/06/2025 09:40

Screamingabdabz · 02/06/2025 08:32

Sounds like you’ve done the world a favour op. I wish more people would put boorish men in their place. Please don’t back down or apologise. I’d be telling him and his #bekind human shield wife to reflect on their behaviour and try to do better.

“…his #bekind human shield wife” is brilliant! @Screamingabdabz

@Guttyyyyyyyyy he deserved it.

zenae · 02/06/2025 09:40

He sounds like a total arsehole, in fact he is one, because anyone who runs home to tell on you is just an immature baby and basically a dickhead! I feel your rage and empathise. The wife must be a saint.

echt · 02/06/2025 09:40

Boreded · 02/06/2025 09:28

But if we don’t educate them properly then how will they change?

I’m not a perfect human who has never upset someone in their life, and I am sure I will upset dozens more before I die. But at no point is any harm ever meant, so someone explaining to me that they were upset gives me the opportunity to apologise and alter the behaviour that they found offensive.

If someone I upset had reacted in the way the OP did, I would be much less likely to want to set the situation right. And if I had reacted in the way the op did then I would understand that someone wouldn’t want to approach the issue with me until I apologised.

i just don’t want to believe that ALL men are awful, because I know from experience that they are not, but some are oblivious to their stupidity

Show quote history

Oh FFS. This is all about you, all the "ifs".

The OP properly served the annoying man who has had TWO years to think about what a twat he is.

Spinachpastapicker · 02/06/2025 09:39

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:37

I have replied to his wife that it was a proportional response to 2 plus years of him intimating that I was lazy when in fact I was working and that if he cant handle it maybe he should refrain from making unsolicited comments.

Well done!

TeachMeSomething · 02/06/2025 09:39

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:05

Why do you think that? Genuine question, not being argumentative.

Show quote history

Because she's his wife?

StEmillion · 02/06/2025 09:38

TheOriginalEmu · 02/06/2025 08:39

I really don’t understand situations like this. You’ve laughed it off this long then exploded in irritation. From your perspective this has been a long time coming, but from his you’ve been fine and laughing all along and have suddenly turned on him. All of this could have been avoided if you just politely said ‘XX I appreciate you’re only joking, but I am actually at work doing s stressful sometimes upsetting job, I am not having a lie, I’m working. Now let’s please leave it there?’, two years ago!

maybe it’s a ND thing, but people just don’t say what they mean and that’s very confusing to me.

I appreciate it’s harder if you are ND. Assuming he isn’t then there is no way after 2 years he hasn’t picked up on non verbal cues such as tone and body language that op’s not enjoying the “banter” even if she has just been saying “I’ve been at work not lying in” (not that there should be a comment or issue if she was lying in every time).

Equally, it was hardly losing it. It was just telling him exactly what she had been doing whilst he was “joking” she was lying in. His response says a lot too. He hasn’t thought “wow that response came out of nowhere. I hope she’s ok and I haven’t been upseting her for the last 2 years”. It’s be “woe is me” and releasing the “flying monkeys”.

Circless · 02/06/2025 09:38

Any woman with even a smidgen of cop on would know it was HIGHLY LIKELY that he had been an irritating twat and you had finally bitten.

It sounds like they are a pair of twats.
Blank them both going forward and growl if they approach.😁

Spinachpastapicker · 02/06/2025 09:37

Nominative · 02/06/2025 08:26

Reply to the wife to say she is possibly unaware that her husband has been picking on you for two years and saying that having time off from work is being lazy. You simply felt it was time he knew the facts. Perhaps she should point out to him that he shouldn't jump to conclusions about other people.

This is a more moderate and sensible reply than perhaps what I would put, so go with this Grin

Theseventhmagpie · 02/06/2025 09:36

DontTouchRoach · 02/06/2025 08:04

Oh, he absolutely deserved it and his wife can fuck off.

Totally agree.

neilyoungismyhero · 02/06/2025 09:35

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:35

Are you on glue?

Show quote history

I was trying to think of an appropriate response but you beat me to it. Some people are nuts

latetothefisting · 02/06/2025 09:35

WtafIsThat · 02/06/2025 08:18

I’d see what Chat GPT says and respond with that. 😂 It will be blunt but amazing.

Why?
There are more than enough ideas on this thread and I'm sure we can be more "blunt" if that's what OP wants.
We don't have to outsource all our thinking to robots!

OP - good on that friend in the whatsapp!

Rosscameasdoody · 02/06/2025 09:35

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:03

Thank you. I was slightly worried that my menopausal rage had taken over. DH agrees with you all . She has just put a message on the watsapp group #Be Kind.
Oh the irony 🙄

I wouldn’t have held it in for as long as you did OP. He absolutely deserved it. And as for his wife messaging to say you’ve upset him, l’d be messaging back to her with both barrels in the same vein. He’s a misogynistic, passive aggressive shitbag and clearly his wife enables the behaviour. Well done - you can now enjoy your dog walks without the irritating and snide comments.

Spinachpastapicker · 02/06/2025 09:34

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:17

A friend has just replied to her on the chat - basically saying her DH only says shit like this to women, never to him or his husband who also alternate on the dog walks. 🐕.

Yay for this chap!!