AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

Thank you. I was slightly worried that my menopausal rage had taken over. DH agrees with you all . She has just put a message on the watsapp group #Be Kind.
Oh the irony 🙄

And if a woman acted the same towards a man and he carried on like that the replies would be very different

I really don’t understand situations like this. You’ve laughed it off this long then exploded in irritation. From your perspective this has been a long time coming, but from his you’ve been fine and laughing all along and have suddenly turned on him. All of this could have been avoided if you just politely said ‘XX I appreciate you’re only joking, but I am actually at work doing s stressful sometimes upsetting job, I am not having a lie, I’m working. Now let’s please leave it there?’, two years ago!

maybe it’s a ND thing, but people just don’t say what they mean and that’s very confusing to me.

And if a woman acted the same towards a man and he carried on like that the replies would be very different

And if a woman acted the same towards a man and he carried on like that the replies would be very different

I support you OP but I'm unsure what you actually said that shut him up and upset him?

I think you over reacted

He deserved it. Feel free to message back the wife and say he's been upsetting you for the last 2 years going on and on about it even when you've been politely trying to shut him down each time!

Why on earth is it OP's job to educate a misogynistic twat who has been taking the piss out of her for 2 years? She just wants him to shut up and leave her alone and, hopefully, now he will.

I can't believe that a man behaves like this and you have framed it as another job for a woman rather than the man just learning his lesson from what OP said to him.

I don't blame you but it might have been easier to just say, "Good morning/evening", and move on. I'm surprised you know him well enough for his wife to have your details, frankly!

I do understand how his remarks are annoying, they would annoy me but I wondered, is this an elderly man who does not remember details but wants to be pleasant?

In future, just ignore him - and fgs don't get into whatsapp with random dog walkers, never mind their spouses!

You did not over react. Years of comments have worn you down.

You may be menopausal but oestrogen suppresses our emotions and lots of women come out of oestrogen suppression raging, after years of putting the needs of other people first, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict.

I also watched a TedTalk that I will try to find later which explains that when we react, we are reacting to every time we felt obliged to remain silent, to accept micro aggressions, to be kind, to smile and nod.. when we find our voice, it all comes out and we speak on behalf of all women and all moments of misogyny when we do this.

Stand in your power!! We are with you.

I am sure that any attempt to explain your perspective would simply escalate this ... and of course, we are conditioned to de-escalate, to retreat to a safe space and to internalise our feelings and our hurt.... but this is what I would like to say if I were in your shoes... as I said.. I know how that goes.. and it results in me slinking away after having taken my stance.

Bob.. every time you tell me I am lazy and having a lie in, it annoys me, because you are making assumptions and judging me, every time, I think, I won't say anything, it's not important, just let it go, but every time, you laugh at my expense and I feel powerless to defend myself. You don't diminish or mock Dave, because he is a man. You are out here, marking your territory, making this space slightly inhospitable for me and other women. I could make all sorts of assumptions as to why, to excuse your behaviour and to assume you mean no harm, but it does cause harm, you are flexing your power and showing how little you respect women. I am not sorry for my response yesterday, I am only sorry I didn't put aside my social conditioning to speak before. I can not understand why I am expected to put up with your behaviour but when I responded, you have made this space even more inhospitable for me by involving your wife and by her posting publicly about this. The correct response would have been to reflect on your behaviour, change it and allowing women to feel more afe in this space, not less safe.

But yeah... Stand in your Power. We are with you!

But if we don’t educate them properly then how will they change?

I’m not a perfect human who has never upset someone in their life, and I am sure I will upset dozens more before I die. But at no point is any harm ever meant, so someone explaining to me that they were upset gives me the opportunity to apologise and alter the behaviour that they found offensive.

If someone I upset had reacted in the way the OP did, I would be much less likely to want to set the situation right. And if I had reacted in the way the op did then I would understand that someone wouldn’t want to approach the issue with me until I apologised.

i just don’t want to believe that ALL men are awful, because I know from experience that they are not, but some are oblivious to their stupidity

And if a woman acted the same towards a man and he carried on like that the replies would be very different

She’s been listening to the same joke every single week for two years about her being ‘lazy’ because her retired husband walks their dog on the days when she is caring for the dying on a palliative ward.

If anything, I think she underreacted.

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.