AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

Those stables have been grown off for millennia - and we’ve been burned at the stake fif ut. I suggest you read ‘Hags’

I saw an interesting Insta video last night that was talking about the evolutionary reason for menopause and women living 1/4 of their life after finishing their biological imperative of making babies. Us, whales and elephants have menopause apparently. And matriarchal societies. Why do we live for a long time after menopause? Because we need to impart our knowledge to the rest of the herd to ensure they live their best lives for as long as possible. A menopausal women has been through a LOT and has huge reserves of wisdom to impart on the younglings.

I now think of the menopause as a removing of the BeKind shackles. We no longer have to Be Kind. We can be honest. We do not need to acquiesce to other’s sensitivities or pander to arrogant, unfunny middle aged men who think they’re hilarious. We do not need to plump up egos in the hope we will be chosen as a mate. We do not need a mate, we need you to take your bullshit out of our vicinity and to not waste our time having to explain how inappropriate/wrong/selfish/rude you are.

Throw off the shackles and revel in your wisdom!

He obviously found his soul mate in his wife😅😅😅

This kind of sums up where me and my circle of friends are now.

We won't start stuff, but you better be ready to have the head snapped off you if YOU do!

Gone are the times of quietly seething at a rude, inappropriate, over familiar remark, by ANYONE.

Now its a rapid fire "Don't speak to me like that/ Who do you think you are speaking to?/ What exactly do you mean by that?" accompanied with a face that would sour cream.

Yep, be ready to have your "banter" thrown back at you in a way you won't forget easily in public.

So over being polite.
Completely over rated in the face of rudeness.

Much better for my BP.

Why was your FIL upset?
Did you tell him off? Your post doesn’t mention anything about you retaliating.
But if you did well done you and your MIL should have been telling her DH off for laughing at you, not you telling him it wasn’t on.

People like that always deserve it. Hope it really took the wind out of his sails.

I’ve mastered the look that says talk to me at your own peril so people don’t interfere with my business anymore 😂 but all the times I wish I’d shut people down over the years. Good on you op.

And this is the absolute crux of it isn’t it. Certain men have this list of things they only say to women, ranging from cheer up love it may never happen to stuff like the op has said or when you are buying a car or something expensive and they make some comment about how their wife is always spending their money. It’s like they will do anything for female interaction.

His wife whatsapped you, to say HE was upset. FFS, what a bellend.
Good for you.

@Boreded
Well aren’t you the lucky one?! Today, you have learnt that it is not a nice thing to do to make the same tedious ‘joke’ to someone every day for two years, about something you know nothing about, and that if you do so, that person is eventually going to snap and say something very rude to you.
And you haven’t even had to be shouted at to learn that lesson.

OP, I think you were very restrained to have kept your patience with him for this long. And I think your friend is great. I doubt it will sink in because people like that are always going to think of themselves as the victim of the piece because the alternative is to admit that they’ve been a complete twat. I think he’ll probably adopt the attitude that he was only being friendly and that you couldn’t take a joke. But hopefully, your response will have been enough to make him keep his distance from you in the future.

Funny!
( Mumsnet have removed the laugh emoji.)

Would they? I actually don’t find that to be true in my experience if Mumsnet.

I ❤️ you OP.

If rainbows were fish and trees were elephants the replies would be very different. But they’re not, are they, so what’s your point?

I have just re read the opening post.. she says she has told him she works. .. so she has not simply nodded and smiled.. she has corrected his incorrect assumptions and he has willfully carried on making these belittling comments.

YANBU. In fact you have been more than reasonable. Well said. 👏

It's interesting how the misogynistic dickhead only targets women for his brainless derogatory mocking yet when faced down by one of his victims he wimps out from his Billy Big Balls bullshit. His oh so manly reaction is to go squealing like a stuck pig and hiding behind his limp-dick worshipping handmaiden of a wife.

His reaction just shows what pathetic cowards these misogynistic grunts are in reality. They are inadequate failures who resent women and can only feel important by making women feel uncomfortable in their vicinity with their tedious put-downs. They hate humiliation especially when delivered from one of their targets. And to have your (male) friend back you up will add salt to this dickhead's well deserved wound. It might shut up his stupid wife and give her an insight into what people (male and female) actually think about her fuckwitted husband.

Hopefully Mr and Mrs Prat-brains will learn women don't have to and will not accept sexist bullshit from pathetic bawbags.

This. Say it’s been going on for two years and you’ve had enough. Clear. Firm. Do it. You deserve to be heard. He’s an arse.

Well, or a gag?

He definitely deserved it. You could message his wife back and suggest that in future, she puts a muzzle on him before goes out in public.

He deserved it. He’s obviously one of these blokes who think they are SO hilarious and witty, that his every utterance is worthy of constant repetition. I know a couple of blokes like that on the periphery of our family, and I avoid them like the plague, feeling absolutely no remorse, I suspect I’m not even polite about it anymore, but quite frankly, I don’t care.

Honestly, you weren’t unreasonable at all.
Two years of snide comments is more than enough patience. You’ve explained before, and he chose not to listen.
People forget that just because someone isn’t visible at 9am doesn’t mean they’re not working incredibly hard behind the scenes.
You had a rough day, and he pushed one time too many. He got a reality check .....that’s on him, not you.

I wouldn't even reply to the text from his wife tbh !

I have very little in the way for patience for this kind of thing, far less now after my menopause calibration.

He sounds repugnant. He deserved everything he got. Respect one way is contempt. I'm all about matching energy now.

My FIL laughed because I ordered a diet drink, the joke being I've put a bit of weight on. It was at dinner for my OHs big birthday. I think half the time it's done so publicly so a fuss isn't made. MIL didn't say anything at the time and in fact joined in laughing. She text afterwards to let me know how upset FIL was. I am not putting up with that shit. I wouldn't sit by and have it said to others. It's only funny if everyone is in on the joke.

I don't tend to start things, you eff about (and be unkind) and you will find out.

He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.

Oh, boo hoo for him! He’s only upset because he’s now got to consider that he’s the arsehole here. Why doesn’t he care that you were upset by his thoughtless comments?

She hasn't laughed it off, she's ignored it, to NT people that's an obvious rejection of his remarks. The op has lost her temper after two years of her communicating to him (non-verbally) that he is being inappropriate. He has reacted by using his wife to try and shame the op this implies he is a bully and not just someone who has been a bit clueless.

That is a friend ❤️

Well done. Be Kind, my hairy arse.